Daddy Day Care

[Lindros]

Good morning, Daddy.
Hey, Ben, how you doing, man?
Oh, God.
Daddy's got to get ready for work.
Can't you stay home?
No. I got a reaI big day at work today.
Kim.
Where's my ceII phone?
It's with my crayons.
It's not supposed to be with the crayons.
There you go, sweetie.
Okay, has anybody seen my beeper?
Here it is.
Right by the grape juice. I wonder how it got there.
Are those my note cards that I've been working aII night on?
I've been up aII night and now they're aII sticky.
-Sorry, baby.
-Yeah.
-Sorry.
-Yeah.
-Bye-bye.
-Yeah, I'II see you Iater.
-Don't forget about the orientation today.
-The what?
Chapman Academy? The preschooI?
Okay. Right. Is there any way we couId rescheduIe that?
Maybe we shouIdn't.
Maybe we shouId take care of business and be responsibIe parents.
Don't worry.
-Don't be Iate.
-I wiII not be Iate.
Promise?
I won't be Iate.
See you Iater.
-Did he promise?
-He sure did.
What's going on?
Your worst nightmare.
What?
Mr. BroccoIi's a no-show.
He got a caII-back on a potato chip commerciaI.
-These snack foods are kiIIing us!
-Yeah, I know.
Marvin!
Yeah?
The guy who smeIIs the maiI?
We need a guy to wear a broccoIi suit, not a normaI guy.
Marvin, my man!
My friend, Marvin. What's going on today?
Listen, I need a favor.
We're having a focus group and the broccoIi guy Ieft.
I was wondering if you'd put the suit on and cover for us?
No.
I can't do the broccoIi because it's just not me. Sorry.
Can I be the carrot, though?
Yeah, you couId be the carrot.
-Let him try your carrot on.
-No.
-You'II be the broccoIi.
-I don't want to be a bush.
It's not a bush, it's a staIk. A strong staIk of broccoIi.
-I'm pretty strong.
-You can make that work.
Let's switch this suit and get the broccoIi.
Trust me on this. Let's go.
B-R-O-C-C-O-L-I!
I am the broccoIi and don't know why!
C-A-R-R-O and a T!
Carrots are heaIthy for you and me!
You want to do the dance?
Go BroccoIi, it's your birthday!
-Go Carrot, go Carrot, go!
-No, I don't want to.
HeIIo, boys and girIs!
Zowie! Do we have a speciaI treat for you today!
''Hey! We have a brand-new cereaI!
''You're the first kid....''
HeIp!
It's super yummy.
-And Ioaded...
-PhiI, heIp me.
...with aII sorts of stuff that's good for you.
And do you know what we caII it?
Veggie-Os!
This cereaI sucks!
They're turning on us.
Give it a chance. Let it get in their mouth.
They got to taste it.
Take that!
HeIp me, CharIie!
Not in the face! Save yourseIf, Carrot!
CaII security now. Stop that!
I guess we better go in, Pooch.
Your Daddy wiII come a IittIe Iater.
Come here, Iet me see you.
I am so sorry, baby.
Things got crazy at work.
What's going on, man?
Look at this pIace.
It's Princeton for preschooIers.
Let's hurry up, so we won't be Iate for the orientation.
What's the orientation about?
It's a preschooI, they'II be pIaying with bIocks, right?
UnbeIievabIe.
Language skiIIs are a criticaI component here at Chapman.
They're part of our core curricuIum.
You must be CharIes.
-CaII me CharIie. Nice to meet you.
-How do you do?
-This is my wife, Kim.
-Hi.
KimberIy. I'm Miss Harridan, the headmistress.
And this is Ben.
How do you do, Benjamin?
-Come on, IittIe man.
-It's a pIeasure to meet you.
ShaII we begin?
-Look at their outfits. I Iike that.
-They're cute.
We find uniforms reinforce the sense of structure.
Structure's good.
Our phiIosophy is that a chiId is Iike a cIimbing vine.
With structure to cIing to, and the right gardener to tend them...
they'II grow to the sky.
-Sorry.
-So, Mrs. Hinton...
you're returning to work?
Lawyer, I beIieve your fiIe said.
ActuaIIy, I haven't practiced yet.
We just had Ben when I finished Iaw schooI.
StiII a IittIe nervous about Ieaving him.
AII mothers are. But you needn't worry.
Our IittIe seedIings are in very good hands.
Turn the darn phone off.
It's off.
And attack!
Now mark your books, number five.
Cat is to mouse as frog is to....
Are they doing SAT prep?
It's never too earIy to start.
-Nest.
-That's right. Nest.
-I thought you turned your phone off.
-It's not my phone, it's my two-way.
This is bad.
Go ahead.
Okay. Thank you, baby.
I am terribIy sorry.
I have an emergency at work. I gotta go.
-I understand.
-I'm sorry.
Hey, IittIe man.
Daddy's got to get going, but I'II see you Iater on, okay?
You want to do the rocket ship?
Let's do the rocket ship.
Sorry about aII the noise.
Here you go. Go to Mommy.
I'II see you Iater. Thank you for your time.
I'm so sorry.
He's trying out a new product at work.
No need to apoIogize.
DiIigence aIways sets a fine exampIe.
Jenny. Just in time.
Here's a copy of our curricuIum...
and a Iist of your financiaI obIigations.
This is the price per year?
Per month.
-Ben is starting preschooI today.
-Where at?
Over at that Chapman Academy.
The Marine Corps of day care. Max goes there.
ReaIIy? What do you think of that pIace?
There isn't much choice.
You got Harridan and her merry fembots...
or Idiot von Idiot and their SchooI for ChiIdren Who Like Accidents.
Numbers just came in for ChocoIatey ChocoIate BaIIs.
Through the roof!
That's a surprise. You hear that?
Kids Iike chocoIate.
Ice cream, too.
I forgot I was taIking to the granoIa-heads from the naturaI food division.
What was the stinker you got saddIed with?
It's not a stinker.
It's Veggie-Os, the cereaI of the future.
Right, Veggie-bIows.
I thought they were kiIIing that.
Jerry!
The numbers on the ChocoIatey ChocoIate BaIIs are through the roof!
What does he mean, ''kiIIing that''?
Why you Iistening to Bruce?
Nothing's being kiIIed. He's a cIown.
If something was going down, we'd know.
We're kiIIing it.
Come on, Jim. We had one bad test.
It's a hard nut to crack.
Any fooI can seII ChocoIatey ChocoIate BaIIs...
and cotton candy-fIavored cereaI to kids.
Cotton candy. That's not bad.
Guys, Iook. I'm sorry, but it was a dog.
Kids just don't want to eat vegetabIes for breakfast. Who knew?
I toId you that six months ago when you put us on this project.
You did?
It's not just Veggie-Os.
We're shutting down the whoIe heaIth division.
That's Iike 300 peopIe.
It's not a business we want to be in.
Where are we being reassigned?
Pooch, how was your first day at schooI?
Okay.
Just okay?
I don't know anybody there.
Give it some time. You'II make some friends.
How was your day, baby?
I Iost my J-O-B.
You Iost your J-O-B?
I got F-I-R-E-D.
Me and 300 other peopIe.
They cannot do that!
Can't Jim FieIds do something?
He's the one that puIIed the trigger.
He's not gonna do anything.
When I found out it was him, I toId him to take a fIying--
CharIie!
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P.
Don't worry about this.
I'm in demand, and I'II have a new job in a week.
What if we use the emergency fund?
We can't.
We aIready used it on the car payment.
There's no way around it.
We gotta puII Ben out of Chapman.
It's too much money.
What wiII we do for chiId-care?
Are you gonna stay home with him?
No, I'm not gonna stay home with him.
We just gotta find something more affordabIe, that's aII.
This is the right address.
You gotta be kidding me.
We can at Ieast check it out.
Ben is not going here.
Looks can be deceiving. I'II go Iook.
Looks can be deceiving? We're in a traiIer park!
I'm Iooking for the preschooI.
Yes, it is.
WeIcome to the....
Sorry.
WeIcome to the Touch of Eden PreschooI.
Can I heIp you?
No, thank you.
Is this the right address, here?
I think so.
We keep the chiIdren right around here.
Go ahead. After you, ma'am.
Okay.
Where'd you get this address?
You picked this pIace.
We shouId report this to somebody.
That's what I'm taIking about.
I knew there had to be at Ieast one decent pIace.
It Iooks aII right.
This is the poIice.
We have you surrounded.
AII right, CharIie. Give up the keys.
I don't know where the keys are.
Don't even try it.
Why don't you drive the minivan?
No. We taIked about this Iast night.
You're staying home with Ben.
I'm driving the Mercedes.
You have me driving around town in the dumb minivan aII day.
Is the top down?
You know what, Kim?
Be carefuI. Don't just park it anypIace.
Be carefuI getting in and out of the car.
Don't get any dings in the door.
Come here.
Make sure you put good gas in there.
If you put in the cheap stuff...
the engine wiII start knocking, and I don't want that.
You don't Ieave miIk in the car with the windows roIIed up.
AIways buckIe up the car seat.
Don't park in the sun or the seats wiII get too hot.
And no juice unIess it's in a sippy cup.
Bye, baby.
Can you give a caII, teII us what time you'II be back?
Because we'II be here waiting, just the two of us.
Bye, Mom.
Not too fast!
See you Iater.
When's Mommy coming back?
She'II be back around dinnertime, Mommy.
Is dinnertime soon?
No, but don't you worry.
We're going to have a Iot of fun.
But we need Mommy to have fun.
Are you trying to just break me down in the driveway?
Why you want to break your father down?
I'm sorry.
That's better. You broke me down smooth.
My eyes weIIed up.
I'm sorry.
You made my eyes weII up.
Okay, Iet's--
Look at my eyes.
I see your eye twitching.
We're going to have fun!
Do you know how to change a diaper?
Yes, but I thought Max was potty-trained.
BeIieve me, so did I.
Don't do that to me! What are you....
He's throwing things at me, and it smeIIs.
I reaIIy need your heIp!
Are you potty-trained?
Yes.
You got to go stinky?
Yes.
Then, go on. Go stinky, then.
You have a nauseous ache in your stomach that you're a worthIess faiIure?
We are worthIess faiIures.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Peggy. How you doing?
Good.
What's going on, Nicky?
He can be a IittIe hard to understand sometimes.
Honey, go pIay. Have a good time, have fun.
Stay away from that cat poop.
Hija? What'd he just say?
God, I haven't a cIue.
The doctor says it's just a phase, but....
It kept him out of Chapman.
Jerks.
Put that mouse down!
Give it to me!
What are you....
CharIie, I think it's great, you guys being fuII-time dads.
We're reaI giants among men.
You are. You shouId be proud.
Most guys don't know who their kids are.
Joe stiII hasn't found anything?
No, and he's driving me crazy.
I shouId go back to work, but what about Nicky?
Dead mouse.
There's no good aIternative to Chapman.
If someone opened a decent day care program here, they'd make a kiIIing.
Nicky, what did I say about the cat poop?
What?
A day care center? You and me?
It's a compIeteIy underserved market.
Harridan has a monopoIy on this suburb.
AII we have to do is come in...
estabIish ourseIves as the vaIue aIternative, and we'II cIean up!
You think I'd be good at chiId-care?
AbsoIuteIy.
Excuse me? Are these your kids?
No.
Remember when you broke my yo-yo?
I did not break your yo-yo.
Yes, you did.
I did not break your yo-yo.
Your yo-yo was broke.
You're kiIIing me. You're reaIIy kiIIing me.
I'm home!
You said Iet's do this together.
No, Daddy!
What's going on here?
A day care center. In our house?
Yes, PhiI's apartment's onIy a two-bedroom pIace.
This is crazy on 10 different IeveIs.
What do you both know about running a day care?
It's not rocket science.
We appIied for a Iicense.
It couIdn't be any more simpIe.
Daddy.
What you want? The rocket ship?
That's what you wanted, right?
MiIk.
You wanted miIk? I'm sorry. He wanted miIk.
Rocket man needs miIk when he's fIying.
It's for strong bones, in case you crash.
We understand each other.
What you think about this?
We're taIking about other peopIe's kids.
Do you understand that responsibiIity?
I'II be just as carefuI with them as I am with Ben.
Don't be rubbing your head into stuff.
Watch where you're waIking.
What about when you get a reaI job?
Just Ieave the parents hanging?
We'II cross that bridge when we get to it.
It won't be permanent.
We won't get rich from this, but it might keep us out of bankruptcy.
I don't know, CharIie.
Come on, Kim.
I can't just sit around here.
I got to try to do something.
Come on. I need this.
I guess you better start handing out those fIiers.
AII right.
It makes much more sense--
Me, too.
Okay, you want me to give you a hug?
Here's a big hug. Group hug.
Excuse me. When you get a chance....
Here you go, Daddy Day Care.
Hey, IittIe karate guy.
Daddy Day Care, karate girI.
HeIIo! Daddy Day Care.
HeIIo, how are you?
Here you go. If you get a chance....
When you get a chance, have a Iook at that. Thank you.
If it's not too much troubIe, when you get a chance....
''Warm, nurturing, experienced parents...
''providing exceptionaI chiId-care at affordabIe prices.''
The ''experienced'' part is what I have to take issue with.
I give it three days.
You two guys are running a day care center?
You're signing up peopIe at a Iemonade stand on the front Iawn?
Good Iuck with that. Come on, PauI.
Wait. Don't you beIieve in equaIity amongst the sexes?
Can't men do everything women can do?
No, we can't. It's unnaturaI.
LittIe bit eeky.
You're guys?
What did you think Daddy Day Care meant?
I thought maybe one guy. Not onIy guys.
I just thought it was a cIever name.
Is this the day care pIace?
They're aII guys.
They're what?
Excuse me. Listen.
We are two Ioving, caring parents.
We run a day care center.
You're a coupIe of sickos!
How about a free triaI offer?
Sickos!
Oh, dear.
Come on!
Hi, Peggy! Hi, Nicky. How you doing?
Nicky is so excited for his big day.
How oId are you? Oh, yeah, five.
I got it.
Wait. You're Ieaving Nicky here with these guys?
You have troubIe with them being guys?
Are you from the Dark Ages?
Aren't you for gender equaIity and aII that jazz?
Peggy, come on. Of course we are.
So can't women do what men do and men do what women do?
These guys can do the job.
You'II vouch for these two?
Yeah, I'II vouch for them.
I'II try it.
You're doing it?
They'II have a great time.
Okay.
Right, kids?
You're a reaI Iifesaver.
You screw this up, I'II kiII you with my bare hands.
Here, now, go to PhiI.
No, I don't want to go.
Come on. Let go.
I don't want to go!
He's got a IittIe bit of separation anxiety.
DyIan!
I don't want to go!
I just stopped breastfeeding.
I'd freak out, too.
If you couId grab a Ieg.
I don't want to go.
AII right.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Come on, DyIan.
AII right, sweetie.
I don't want to go.
Come on. Let go of Mom!
Thank you. Oh, man.
No Iactose, no peanuts, no sheIIfish.
Nothing high in fructose.
Or sucrose or dextrose.
Or maItodextrose.
Nothing with red dye number six.
Or number four.
Or yeIIow dye number two.
WiII you say ''maItodextrose'' for me again?
So cute.
MaItodextrose.
Or yeIIow dye number two.
Two, right.
His name's Crispin.
My man, Crispin!
How's it going, big guy?
What time's pickup?
At 5:00.
I have Iaser treatment. Make it 6:00.
Sorry about the outfit. He won't take it off.
How Iong has he been wearing that?
CoupIe of weeks.
Who wiII you caII if there are any probIems?
91 1, Mommy.
That's such a good girI.
Come on. I'II Iet you hoId my keys.
How about a Life Saver?
You Iike Life Savers?
How about money? A doIIar?
A doIIar.
You are a smart man. That is yours.
AII right.
WeIcome to Daddy Day Care.
We're your team faciIitators.
My name is CharIie and this is PhiI.
Anybody ever seen a mission statement before?
Here. Everybody take one.
Take a mission statement.
Here we go. One for everybody. SIow down.
AII right. Okay.
Who wants to be first one to read the first sentence...on the mission statement?
Okay, how about you?
I don't read yet.
I'm Iooking for someone who can read.
By a show of hands, how many of you can aIready read?
Raise your hand
if you don't know how to read.
Here's what we'II do.
I'II read the mission statement aIoud...and what I want you guys to do is just foIIow aIong as I read it.
Doesn't that sound Iike interesting fun?
Here we go.

''As the members and faciIitators of the Daddy Day Care team...
''we wiII coIIectiveIy strive to provide....''
Sean, don't eat the mission statement.
Get that out of your mouth.
''...wiII coIIectiveIy strive to....''
Don't rip the mission statement, LittIe FIash.
It's an important document.
Come back here!
What he's reaIIy trying to say is....
Stop running!
Come here.
You want the rocket ship?
One more?
Rocket ship!
Everybody'II get the rocket ship.
SIow down, everybody.
I thought you said this wouId be easy.
You know what I'm thinking now?
This was a huge mistake.
I never quit anything in Iife, but I'm not sure if I can take this.
I'II be right back.
Where you going?
HeIp me do the rocket ship.
Trust me.
Four absent chiIdren. No expIanation.
Maybe it's just a coincidence.
In a group this size, three absent chiIdren is a coincidence.
Four is a statisticaI anomaIy.
HeIIo, Santa Luma!
HeIIo, Santa Luma!
Everybody! It's Big PhiI with a guitar!
Why don't you guys enjoy Big PhiI whiIe I rest my spine?
Max, bring your dad a chair.
They reaIIy Iike that rocket ship.
When I was a smaII boy at the age of five my mama said I'd be the greatest man aIive
I'm a man
I'm a fuII-grown man
I'm a fat man
Hey, come on into the kitchen.
Put the Iime in the coconut and drink 'em aII up
Put the Iime in the coconut, drink 'em aII up
Put the Iime in the coconut you drink 'em aII up
I say, ''Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take?''
I say, ''Doctor, to reIieve this beIIy ache?''
I say, ''Doctor--''
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse
in a star-spangIed rodeo
Hava nagiIa, hava nagiIa
Hava nagiIa
I am definiteIy out of songs.
Lunchtime.
I don't know if we shouId be feeding them this stuff.
Why not? Look at them. They Iove it.
Yeah, but I'm a IittIe worried.
About what?
91 1 .
He tore off his head!
Crispin stoIe my doII. I need heIp.
Come on!
You know how oId this piano is?
Keep your feet off the piano.
Get your shoes off the couch.
Get them off the couch!
Crispin. PIease!
Give me the....
The meat ain't the onIy fresh thing around here.
Don't pIay with that. Give me this.
Leave it aIone, okay?
AII right.
You get off those drapes.
Stop cIimbing the drapes. You stop it.
You come here!
Give me the vase!
Put down the vase!
Tomorrow, we give them aII organic.
Don't worry, it'II be okay.
How can you say that? Look at this.
What goes up....
You guys are good.
What do you expect?
You Ieft your kids with professionaIs.
Sorry to Ieave you hanging.
Since we got Iaid off,
SheiIa's made me make dinner.
ReaIIy? How's that going?
It ain't napping.
Can I take these snack cakes home?
Go ahead.
How you doing, IittIe man?
That's how you doing?
Excuse me a second.
Give me that. That's too Ioud.
Let go, it's too Ioud.
I'm serious. Let go.
It's Iate. Where's your mom?
Shut up, butthead.
Shut.... You stop that.
You know something?
Your mommy and daddy wouId not Iike you taIking Iike that.
When your mommy comes,
I'II teII her that you--
Let's go. Motor's running.
Get out of here. Hey, I wish you wouId.
Stop, Crispin!
Don't make that face.
What?
Don't make Iines. Quiet the face.
ReIax the face. Quiet the face.
Yes, caIm your face.
Show no Iines, you know.
You got earIy drop-off?
No, we don't have anything....
I'm going to see you tomorrow.
I'II see you tomorrow, Crispin.
You'II be just Iike your father.
Look at him.
Hanging off of him, his skin. Hanging off.
Hey, IittIe man.
Hey, Dad.
What are you up to?
Just trying to read a story.
Listen, man...
I know I was reaIIy busy today taking care of those other kids.
I know it probabIy wasn't easy for you sharing your toys...and watching Daddy do rocket ship with everybody, but....
Now it's just us,
we can do whatever you want to do.
Can we read this story?
We sure can read this story.
AII right.
''There once was a herd of eIephants.
''EIephants young, eIephants oId, eIephants taII and short, fat and thin.
''AII were different, but aII were happy, and aImost aII were the same coIor.
''And they aII made the eIephant sound.''
They aII said....
Let me hear you make that sound.
Do it again?
No, I can't do it again, because Daddy might have an aneurysm.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm Iate.
I'm not cIeaning this up.
Hey, take this in there. Go sit down.
Maybe I haven't had my coffee yet,
but it seems Iike these kids are muItipIying.
Yeah, we got two new kids.
Oh, come on!
We'II have to up our game.
We need structure and pIanned activities.
No, we need RitaIin and Ieashes, that's what we need.
AII we'II need is this.
Everybody, Iet's do this.
Everybody, come in here.
Okay, Iet's try another pIay. Let's try this.
Let's try this. Here's what we'II do.
This new pIay's caIIed the Baby BIitz.
I want you to hang back and do a IateraI.
I want you to go down the middIe for a buttonhook.
I want you to be my bIocker.
How about we just run in a circIe?
We can do that. That's an even better pIay.
Everybody run in a circIe.
Yes? AII right, Iet's run in a circIe.
Come on, run in a circIe.
Tony, you'II see the baII a Iot better if you take your mask off.
I'm not Tony, I'm FIash.
How come you're not pIaying, IittIe man?
Come on, it's footbaII. You Iove footbaII.
HeIp!
HeIp! Stuck!
I Iive in CaIifornia.
Where do you Iive?
I am in Hong Kong.
Where's Hong Kong?
Can you hear me now?
I can't hear you.
Can you hear me now?
What is it?
I thought you Iiked footbaII.
You're teIIing me you don't Iike....
I'II be right back, IittIe man. I got to go....
You got a IittIe probIem over there with Max.
It's happening.
What's happening? What is it?
It! It's happening.
He hasn't gone for a week. That's it.
Oh, no. That's.... It's happening?
It's happening. I know the face. Look.
You got to go and deaI with that.
I can't.
What do you mean, you can't?
I can't.
Come on, you have to do it.
I can't.
Yes, you can.
I can't.
Yes, you can.
AII right, I wiII!
Good. Come on.
I can't.
Listen. I see you got issues about this...
so I'II take care of it this time, aII right?
In the future, you got to work it out.
I got to work it out.
That's your son. God wiIIing,
when you get oIder, he'II do this for you.
So you want to know he owes that to you.
He owes me.
He owes you.
Don't get cute with the thing.
I'm not assuming you're doing it.
So how you want to do this?
I can do this myseIf.
You sure?
Yes.
Okay, weII, you go and do it
with your bad seIf. You go and do it now.
AII right. You need anything,
I'm right out here.
Hey, big guy, how'd it go in there?
I missed.
What does that mean?
I missed.
Oh, heII, no.
Come on!
No.
Come on. Put this down.
You don't pIay with this.
And you ripped up my wife's fIowers.
Give me this. You're not supposed to.
Go pIay with something eIse.
What's going on here?
It's spiraIing out of controI.
Don't panic. They're Iike animaIs.
They can smeII fear.
I don't know what to do.
I've run out of ideas.
I'II teII you what....
QuietIy, chiIdren. FoIIow me.
Six absences.
SingIe fiIe.
I have to go make a phone caII.
Let's get ready...to rumbIe!
Let me teII you something,
I have never Iiked carrots.
And today as I stand here
and Iook at you before me...
having the audacity to think that you can defeat me...
Iet me teII you something, brother,
I am about to kick your carrot butt!
Let me teII you something, Mr. BroccoIi.
When The Carrot is done with you,
you wiII be nothing but a kumquat!
I wiII destroy everything in this worId that is broccoIi.
The carrot is the Iowest form of vegetabIe!
What about me?
Nobody Iikes broccoIi.
ReaIIy? WeII, Ben Iikes broccoIi, don't you?
No.
You turned my own sprout against me?
Now you're gonna die!
Okay, come on. I feIt that.
Come on.
WiII you stop it?
That's it.
What's that about?
I'm sorry.
You made me crazy!
You IittIe maniac!
You're wrecking my wife's tabIes.
Somebody's at the door.
My back.
Is this the Hinton residence?
I'm Dan Kubitz, ChiId Services.
I'm here to conduct a compIiance inspection.
No one said anything about any inspection.
We onIy do it if we receive a compIaint.
A compIaint?
Somebody compIained about....
Come on in. You can inspect us.
We have nothing to hide.
You caught us at a crazy time.
We're pIaying with the kids.
Somebody compIained about us?
So, where is the nap area?
The nap area?
Right.
We don't have a nap area.
We just Iet them faII asIeep wherever they drop.
''SIeep where they drop.''
WeII, I think that shouId just about do it.
What's the bottom Iine?
WeII, you need to correct the deficiencies on this form.
And aIso...
you need to fiII out these compIiance certification documents.
Who wants these, the carrot or the broccoIi?
Carrot.
There's a Iot of stuff on here.
So we can stay open, right?
As Iong you've done that by 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.
9:00 a.m.
Good Iuck with this.
I Iike what you're doing.
I'd hate to be the guy to shut you down.
We'd hate for you to be that guy.
I wiII be. Don't want to be.
Okay. Safety gates at the bottom of the stairs...
top of the stairs, bedrooms, bathrooms.
I've gone safety gate crazy.
How many kids have we got?
I've Iost track, they run so fast.
You can get started on this batch over here.
It's getting Iate. Let's just caII it a night.
We can't caII it a night.
We got a bunch of kids coming in five hours.
I'm serious. We know nothing about running a day care center.
We don't know anything.
We're not even good parents!
I'm a good parent.
What does that mean?
What?
That thing. What is that?
You know that rocket ship thing you do?
Ben doesn't even Iike that.
That just happens to be Ben's favorite thing.
He Iets you do it because you Iike it.
It's the one time you pay him attention.
You don't change your kid's diapers.
I don't Iike diapers.
You shouId teach your kid how to go to the toiIet and aim...
so we don't have to redecorate the pIace when he goes.
You're right.
Let me teII you something.
My kid is 4 years oId, and for the first time today...
I saw him pIaying with the other kids, just being a normaI kid.
It feIt great knowing
I had something to do with it.
We did that!
If we can do that, we can definiteIy get this pIace up to code by dawn.
Let's go safety gate crazy.
Don't worry, he'II be fine.
It's aII right.
AII I got is $5.
I can break that.
Listen, I Ieft the paperwork on the kitchen tabIe. It's not there.
PIease teII me you have it.
I don't have it.
Hey, guys.
Marvin, what are you doing here?
The door was unIocked.
I got your finaI paychecks here.
Thanks.
So, what's going on here?
Don't even ask.
You can understand him?
Yeah, he's speaking KIingon.
That's KIingon.
I thought the kid was an idiot.
God, how much Star Trek does that kid watch?
Too much.
The guy from ChiId Services is here.
Sorry.
No, Iisten. Why don't you do me a favor?
Why don't you take the kids in the back and pIay with them?
Keep their attention for a whiIe, whiIe I taIk to this guy.
Whatever you do, don't Iet this big bruiser get near the Iawnmower. Thanks.
Mr. Kubitz. Hi.
I thought I was earIy, but--
I was just getting the paperwork.
Great.
You dropped something.
Yeah.
The kids wanted to heIp out.
That's sweet.
So everything for you.
What I'II need is your signature on the back of her head.
And on the eIbow of this kid.
Do you have a pen?
I do have a pen.
This is my Iucky pen.
Thank you.
And where's on the--
InitiaI the eIbow.
Sign the back of her head.
On her neck?
Great. That shouId just about do it.
Here we go.
Let's go in and get started.
WeII, you know, everything Iooks okay here...
but it says here
that you now have 1 1 chiIdren.
That's correct.
So I assume that you've hired a third care provider.
Why wouId you just assume that?
WeII, section 768 of the ChiId WeIfare Code specificaIIy states...
that the ratio of chiIdren to care providers cannot exceed 5:1 .
The 768.04.
768.04.
The ratio thingy.
We resoIved that this morning.
Good.
Yes.
We hired someone. We hired Marvin.
Marvin was hired! He's with the kids.
He's an exceIIent chiId-care worker.
I'd Iove to take a Iook, if that's okay with you.
You want to go out there?
It'II be good for me to see for myseIf.
Let's go and have a Iook at Marvin.
Now, put your hands up. Now, wave them.
He certainIy seems Iike he knows what he's doing.
Of course.
I've got to say that.
Yeah, we interviewed a Iot of peopIe.
Yeah, it was a reaIIy Iong, grueIing singIing-out process.
And now, I'm a chicken.
I'm a bird. Look, I'm a bird.
You can never be too carefuI when it comes to kids.
And here at Daddy Day Care we'II onIy work with the best, so we got Marvin.
Sorry.
What did you do to these kids?
What?
Are they on drugs?
Well, there's this one kid, maybe.
How'd you get them to behave like this?
Got to know how to handle them.
How do you know that?
l read
Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care book.
lt's not about Star Trek.
Finish.
Yeah.
You know, when l was in the back...
l spotted, under the eaves of the porch...
what looked like a beehive.
A big one.
Don't worry. All taken care of.
l don't want anybody getting hurt.
No hurt. Gone.
You really have turned this around.
Thank you very much.
l'm impressed. l really am.
Thank you.
For our own curiosity...
any chance you could
tell us where the complaint came from?
l really would love to, but l have a relationship with the state.
Just for our own curiosity.
That was Miss Harridan.
l'm sure she'll see us.
We need to talk to you.
Sorry. They just barged right in.
That's quite all right, Jenny.
Gentlemen, please sit down.
Now, what can l do for you?
We wanted to thank you for helping to expedite our accreditation process.
Thanks to your tip, somebody from child services came to see us.
l had heard you opened some sort of day care program...
and l was concerned.
That's nice of you.
You don't have to be concerned about us.
lt's not you l'm concerned about.
lt's the children you're looking after.
Wait a minute. We're parents. That's a start.
Any boob can be a parent.
lf you want to screw up your own child, that's your right.
But when it comes to other people's kids, there's a higher standard to answer to.
Mr. Kubitz seems to think that we met that standard. Show her the thing.
That piece of paper doesn't impress me.
We're getting it laminated.
You two are just some fly-by-night operation looking to make a fast buck.
You're just afraid of the competition.
Let's go.
Competition? Don't flatter yourselves.
Daddy Day Care will never be in the same league as this institution.
Laminated!
That wasn't as satisfying as l thought.
l think we can take her. All we need is some garlic and a wooden stake.
You know what she said that was right?
These kids need more than watching.
Tomorrow we'll take it up a notch.
We got to start stimulating their minds.
But l'm not a daddy.
You don't have to be a daddy.
You're a male-type humanoid.
That fits in with the philosophy of the place.
l don't know, guys. l mean,
l guess l like hanging out with the kids.
lt's kind of cool.
But l guess child-care wasn't necessarily...
an avenue that l felt professionally
l was headed towards.
That's exactly what l said.
Excuse me.
Yes, come on in!
How are you?
Hey, guys.
l am so sorry.
l forgot to write you a check this week.
Ever since the divorce, my head's just been like....
Are you the new daddy?
l'm your daddy.
l'm not your daddy.
Well, l'm your baby's daddy. l'm not....
l'm not your baby's daddy.
l'm going to be....
You're Marvin.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Marvin. l'm Kelli.
Dylan's mom.
l got to run.
Thank you.
All right. Bye, guys.
Have a good one.
Thanks.
Bye.
l'm in. Do you have a dental plan?
All right.
Your first assignment is to show us how you handle kids the way you do.
Teach us.
lf this were a business, and they were customers...
how do you find out what they want?
l'd put together a focus group.
All right, let's do it.
We'd like you to tell us what you'd like to get out of Daddy Day Care.
Help us to help you.
Who'd like to start?
We need more learning about things.
More learning about things?
Yes.
We're at a very critical age.
You have to feed our minds.
All right. You want to write that down?
''Feed our minds.''
Great. Okay, what else?
Dolphins. Dolphins are good.
Dolphins are fish.
No, they're not.
They live in water.
That doesn't mean they're fish.
Calm down and talk about something else.
What else would you like to talk about?
Where do babies come from?
Let's go back to the dolphin subject and discuss dolphins...
or if there's anything else
on someone's mind we can talk about...
other than that.
Write that down.
Okay, what else?
Could we....
What were you going to say, Ben?
l can see you were going to say something.
What is it, son?
More...
drawing?
More drawings?
Yeah! Like pictures and stuff. lt's really fun.
Okay, yeah, great. More drawings.
Yeah!
More chasing bad guys.
Excellent idea.
We can chase Joker.
Well, wait a second, buddy.
That's Batman's bad guy.
You're Flash, so you want to be chasing--
Lex Luthor?
No. That's Superman.
You want to be chasing Captain Boomerang,
Gorilla Grodd, Reverse Flash.
The Riddler?
What have you been doing to these kids?
Starting tomorrow, Phil will be hosting a Three Stooges film festival in the TV room.
l know everybody's looking forward to that, right?
Thanks, Daddy!
Last but not least, the Thumb Suckers
Support Group will have a meeting...
under the tree after nap time...
which starts right after
you finish your snack.
So after you finish, grab a blanket, get a spot, and we have that.
Also, next week is going to be Alpha Girls Group.
And we're going to have Tai Chi under the tree.
And we're going to also have pet day, so you bring your pets in.
We'll have pet show-and-tell.
This is my bunny. His name is Tiny.
l feed him a lot. Five times a day.
He poops a lot, too. Six times a day.
lt's like little marbles.
This is my turtle, Sparks.
He's fast. He's the fastest turtle in the world.
Go! Go, Sparks!
This is my parrot, Paulie.
l'm teaching him to talk. Talk.
Shut up, butthead.
Okay, Becca, where's your pet?
l had a tarantula, but l don't know where he is.
Okay, all right, don't panic.
What do you mean, don't panic?
There's a big spider in here.
l got a spider on my head!
So what are we betting on today?
l'm going to do a diaper stroke, okay?
All right.
Well, if it isn't the geniuses that brought the world Veggie-Os.
So, how's unemployment?
Actually, l've got the best job l've ever had.
Yeah, it's a start-up.
We offer time-management facilitation to mostly working professionals.
That's a tough market.
Sounds pretty cutthroat.
Yeah. lt's a real blood sport.
What's the money like?
Bruce! Let's go, l got Botox.
Hi, Charlie. Hi, Phil.
Hey, Crispin.
What's up, little man?
How do you know my kid?
They're his day care teachers, what do you think?
Day care? That's what it is?
Oh, my God.
You're wiping boogers for a living.
Losers.
You're paying us to do it, too, you know.
Losers.
''Do you like green eggs and ham?
''l do not like them, Sam-l-Am.
l do not like green eggs and ham.
''Would you like to eat them here or there?
''l would not like to eat them anywhere.
l do not like green eggs and ham.
''l do not like them, Sam-l-Am.'' Okay?
Now see, he was going to punch Sam-l-Am, but he walked away.
You don't punch, see?
He walked away with it.
Where's Mommy?
Mommy had to work today.
Remember when you used to work all the times?
Yeah, back when l had a real job.
Do you miss work?
l guess. l suppose so. l miss it.
But don't get me wrong. lt's not like
l don't like hanging out with you guys.
lt's just that Daddy used to be a big shot down at work.
l had my own office and a big, pretty view.
Remember that big, pretty view Daddy had?
l like it when you spin me around in that cool chair.
Yeah, that's a cool chair.
A lot of cool things about that job.
Cool chair...
l had people working underneath me...
and, just between you and l, the pay wasn't that bad either.
Put that down. What do you think of that?
What is it?
What do you mean?
lt's a dog in the sunshine.
lt doesn't look like one.
That's because it's abstract.
You have to squint when you look at it.
And when you see it like this, that's abstract.
Yeah? You see it?
How about if you tilt your head to the side?
No, the other way.
Still doesn't look like one.
Okay, well, what are you over there working on, Michelangelo?
What is that?
There's nothing abstract about that now, is it?
Thanks.
That's pretty good.
You got Daddy's head looking kind of round, though.
ls my head that round?
No. But l got your mustache.
Yeah, l see. A nice green mustache.
That's all right, son.
l just paid the mortgage, the car loan and the electric bill.
Look at the balance in the checking account.
7 4 cents.
Yeah. That's right, 7 4 cents.
You are my Superman.
You got that right.
l've worked hard, and l think it's time to let off a little of my frustration.
lt's time for you to take care of your Superman.
My Superman. Come here, baby.
That's right.
No! The monster's going to get me!
lt's probably a nightmare.
Be right back.
Okay, hurry up. Mommy's coming!
No, l want Daddy.
Did everything go okay?
Yeah, everything's just fine.
What's that face for?
Since when does he like you better than he likes me?
No, don't even trip. lt's not like that.
l've just been spending more time with him, so he wanted me.
He's getting much more confident.
Remember how he wouldn't play with anyone else at first?
Now, he's even playing with that kid, Crispin.
Crispin happened to say ''thank you'' at lunch today without being told.
And that little girl Becca, she can read.
She's just a baby.
l seen her pick up a Curious George book, sit down and read like a grownup.
What's that face?
l haven't seen you this excited about something in a long time.
Yeah, l ain't going to front.
Them little crumb snatchers got under my skin.
Mrs. Plager, l cannot continue to expose the other children...to such dangerous, self-destructive, highly addictive behavior.
So either Juliette stops the thumb sucking...
or you'll just have to find yourself another preschool.
Are you busy?
Just pruning a few weeds from the garden.
What is it?
Okay, l just thought you should know...
we've lost three more students.
Are you seriously suggesting you don't know where they are?
No, ma'am.
l know where they are.
So do l.
Daddy Day Care.
First, it was amusing.
Then it was annoying.
Now it's really starting to tick me off.
Get me a copy of
Child Day Care Services Regulations.
Phil, get the door.
Get the door!
All right, l got it.
Mr. Kubitz. What are you doing here?
ls this a bad time?
No, it's a great time.
ls the man of the house at home?
''Man of the house.''
Charlie! Mr. Kubitz is here from Child Services!
l'll be right there.
So, let me ask you. Where are the kids?
Outside. Marvin's giving them a puppet show.
Nice. What's on the program? Pinocchio? Little Red Riding Hood?
No, Wrath of Khan.
Mr. Kubitz. Hi!
Hi.
Wait! What are you doing?
What?
What's wrong with your face?
My face?
What's all that stuff, man? Come on.
What's the matter with you?
Becca and Jamie.
lf you'll excuse me,
l have to see two little girls...
because now l'm a big girl.
He's having fun with....
Mr. Kubitz, so what brings you here today?
l've received another complaint--
l guess we know who that came from.
l understand that you've acquired three more children since my last visit.
Yes. We're 1 4 altogether now.
lt's still three adults, so we're still under the 5:1 ratio.
Right. But you see, it's a totally different issue this time.
Charlie, can l talk to you for a second?
Mr. Kubitz, excuse me a second.
l'm going to go handle this.
Have a cookie.
Sure. Thanks.
What's going on?
What's up?
Flash is gone.
What do you mean, gone? Gone where?
l can't find him.
You looked everywhere? ln the garage?
Everywhere.
What we going to do?
ls there some kind of problem out here?
Not at all, Mr. Kubitz.
We're just having a little conversation about the--
Okay, because if it's--
No problem at all. Why don't you....
Kids! Why don't you meet our good friend, Mr. Kubitz.
Say hi.
Hi, Mr. Kubitz.
Hi, guys.
Wouldn't it be nice if Mr. Kubitz played with you guys...
while we had an important conversation?
Would you be so kind?
ls that a good idea?
We're having a grown-up conversation the kids shouldn't be privy to.
So just for a second. Please.
Sure. That's different.
l'll check the back yard.
l'll go upstairs.
l'll check the basement.
Do we have a basement?
We have to do the laundry. God!
Oh, my God! They vaporized him!
He couldn't have got far. l'll call the police.
l'll call his parents.
lf only l were a Betazoid, l could sense him.
Which kid is this?
l don't know. What's your name?
Tony.
Flash's name is Tony.
Actually, Flash's name is Wally West--
Why aren't you wearing your Flash suit?
l don't want to be Flash anymore.
You don't? Who you want to be?
Tony.
Hear that? He wants to be Tony.
He wants to be Tony.
That's nice. You want to be Tony.
That's great.
Tony, have a cookie. Have a fresh one.
What are you talking about? l do love you.
l'm just not in love with you.
What are you talking about? l do love you.
l'm just not in love with you.
Fifteen months of therapy, that's the best you can do?
That is the dumbest line l have ever heard.
My mother was right about you.
Wait.
For what? You think this will change?
You think l'll change?
You think this is what l had in mind?
Being a 55-year-old man, living with his mother?
You think that's my idea of a good time?
l love passive-aggressive losers.
According to state regulations, a child-care center in a family home...
is limited to a maximum of 1 2 children.
We have plenty of room here for these kids.
l don't make the rules, l enforce them.
You can't have more than 1 2 kids at this kind of location.
So if we want to stay in business, we have to fire two kids.
Unless you want to move to a permanent facility somewhere else, then yes.
So, who do we cut loose?
How about Becca and Jamie?
l can't do it.
We got to do something.
Why don't we get a bigger space?
''Space. The Final Frontier.''
l'm serious. Harridan said we're not real.
Let's get real.
Let's get a bigger space, more kids, hire more people...
and give this woman a run for her money.
Great. Let's get a new space.
Yeah, Final Frontier!
lf you don't stop with that Star Trek,
l'll push you in that sticker bush. Stop!
No! l'm saying that there is a space available called ''The Final Frontier.''
This used to be my home away from home.
Jerry, the guy who owned this place, had the ultimate collection of memorabilia.
You know what he had? Tricorder.
That Ensign Riley wore in The Doomsday Machine.
Yeah. l never saw that episode.
l was with him, not watching also.
Needs a lot of work.
That just means we can fix it up how we want to fix it up.
But we'll need some money to do that.
To make money, you got to spend money.
To spend money, you got to have money.
''Rock for Daddy Day Care.
''Help us finance our new permanent home.''
Do you know what this means?
lt's a chance to improve ourselves through a little healthy competition?
No, you bubbleheaded idiot.
lt's a death sentence.
lf they get their hands on a big enough space, they'll ruin me.
They're selling fun. l can't compete with fun.
l should've crushed them in the beginning when they were weak.
lt'll be harder now, but l have no choice.
l've got to stop them.
How are you gonna do that?
By any means necessary.
Yeah, ride the pony.
Pet the goat.
Get a T-shirt made. Something to eat.
Enjoy the music!
They're showing Logan's Run, Friday--
Friday night at 8:00.
lf you're not busy Friday nights...
maybe you'd like to--
Yeah, sure.
Great.
So we're talking, like,
just dinner, bath, bed?
The works?
What?
You want me to baby-sit
so you can go to the movie, right?
Marvin, l want you to go with me.
Okay.
Okay. Great.
All right. Here's your thing.
Thank you very much. Okay. There you go.
l don't think we should do this.
Jennifer, my dear, in life there are winners and there are losers.
And if you want to be a winner, sometimes you have to play dirty.
l'll show you. l'll paint my face first.
And then you paint yourself.
See? Put a little paint.
And l'm just going to....
What's wrong?
That's not paint! lt's glue!
Could l have some more of this delicious potato salad?
Have you tried it? Really. lt is so good.
What's up?
Look.
And they got into everything except for the pies.
Okay, but don't panic.
We'll just sell the people pies, that's all.
Wow. Goats really love pie.
Leave them on for two hours.
You got it.
Everybody just take a deep breath and let's go back to having fun.
Okay?
How'd we do?
We haven't even put a dent in it.
Hello?
Charlie, Jim Fields.
How's your vacation going?
No, l'm just pulling your leg.
Listen, buddy, are you still looking for work?
I've got a job for you, unless you've got other offers.
No, that's really interesting.
But l've got something going on right now.
Before you say no, let me fax you over the proposal.
You can take a look at the numbers,
you think about it...then you get back to me.
Yeah.
Okay. Great.
You say hi to the wife and daughter.... Son.
Let me guess. You couldn't get child services to come back...
so you're doing the inspection.
l apologize. l don't like to be sneaky.
Still, rules are rules.
May l come in? l've a proposition for you.
Yeah, please do.
Can l get you some coffee or tea or water...
or eye of newt, maybe?
Water would be lovely.
Thank you.
Water. That's an easy one.
You don't mind tap water, do you?
We're out of the bottled water.
So, Miss Harridan, why are you here?
You seem smart, talented, highly ambitious.
What on earth are you doing running a day care center?
Maybe l enjoy running a day care center.
Obviously. But is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
As a businessman, you'd have money, power, respect.
You going to throw that all away to baby-sit a bunch of 3-year-olds?
l said l'd listen to your proposition.
l'm all ears, and l got other things to do.
So if you'd be so kind--
All right. Here it is:
lf Daddy Day Care should close, for whatever reason...
l'll take all your children for the price you charge.
Topflight education at rock-bottom prices.
Think about it.
Now wait a minute.
You're blowing us off for Cottony Cotton Balls?
No, Cotton Candy Puffs.
Apparently the whole thing was my idea.
They'll double my salary and let me run the division.
So, yes, l am taking myself back.
Go ahead, if that's what's important to you. l mean....
Phil and l can manage.
We'll just find somebody else. Right?
l'm going, too.
This is worse than when Spock betrayed Kirk...
on Star Trek V.
lt's not like that.
Come back with us. Not in the mailroom, but to be part of our team.
l don't want to be on that team.
l want to be on this team.
We thought a lot about this, man.
lt's a great opportunity.
No, this right here is a great opportunity.
This business is the one that has limits.
And we've reached them, okay?
Me and Phil, we got responsibilities to think about.
We got futures to take into consideration.
What about now? What about the kids?
These kids were fine before Daddy Day Care.
They'll be fine when it's over.
You tell yourself that, Charlie.
l finally found a place where l fit in...
where l feel like l'm doing something good, and you guys just....
You just spoil it all.
That couldn't have gone worse.
lf you think that went bad, wait till we tell the kids.
Can l go to work with you?
No, you can't go to work with me, but you can come visit me at work.
And Daddy will be home at night and on the weekends.
We'll still have lots of fun together.
Will Phil and Marvin still be here?
No, l'm sorry, little man.
They won't be around anymore.
lt's just for a while, right?
Then you're going to come back and do Daddy Day Care again.
No, this is from now on.
Daddy Day Care, we're not doing that anymore, Ben.
Let me explain it to you like this:
lf Daddy does this, l can get money for us.
And l can use that money to take care of the house and to buy food...
and clothes and toys for you to play with.
l'll sell all my toys.
Why you want to sell all your toys?
lf l don't have toys, we don't need money,
and you can stay with me.
l wish it was that simple, Ben.
The development department will have the first samples ready by next week.
Okay, let's kick it around.
What do you think of,, when you think of cotton candy?
Clowns.
Chocolate.
Cavities.
Hyperactivity, cavities, and dentist bills.
That's what l....
l've been to the other side and l've seen firsthand.
When kids eat this stuff, they crash down so hard they need an air bag.
You know what the ingredients are to these balls?
Puffs.
They're ''puffs.'' l'm sorry.
You know what's in here?
Red dye number four and sugar.
You know what? Charlie is absolutely right.
You can't ignore the reality.
Parents are not going to want to buy this product for their kids.
Not unless those kids stomp and scream...
and bang their little heads on the floor till blood comes out of their ears.
Charlie, you got those figures that l gave you?
Yeah, l got them right here.
Just give me a second to....
We had an independent marketing firm do some preliminary research...
to sort out the core value of this product.
The subjects that were tested, aged two to six...
which are key branding years....
Charlie, you want to join us?
l'm sorry about that, Jim. Yeah.
Why don't you tell everybody
what the core value is?
What's the most important thing?
My kid.
My kid, Jim, that's the most important thing.
And l think l've made a tremendous mistake.
And so, l quit.
What are you doing to me? You scared me.
How was the marketing meeting?
l quit.
What?
l quit.
You quit?
l quit and l feel great.
You should quit with me.
l should quit?
You should quit right now.
We just got here.
You want to feel how l'm feeling?
Quit. Come on.
Quit!
Quit with me.
You weren't going to sell the carrot suit, were you? The kids love that.
This stuff...is not for sale!
A literal reader of the text might say...
A literal reader of the text might say...
that Goldilocks ate the ''porridge''...
because she was ''hungry.''
But what would Freud say?
Language skills are a critical component of childhood development.
They're part of the core curriculum here at Chapman.
lf you'll follow me this way.
On the path of life, the proper first steps are essential.
With our firm guidance, your children...will take those steps right here at Chapman.
Our philosophy is that a child is like a climbing vine.
With structure to cling to, and the right gardener to tend them...
they'll grow to the sky.
That's the dumbest thing l ever heard.
We're not talking about plants, we're talking about kids.
l know you don't want this woman pruning and cutting and weeding your 3-year-olds.
Some people are uncomfortable with achievement.
No, what l'm uncomfortable with is treating a little kid like it's an adult.
lf your kids come here, they'll be miserable in four different languages.
Five. We start Portuguese in the fall.
How many languages
do you listen to them in?
You ever stop trying to shove knowledge down their throat and just talk to them?
Listen to what they want.
They're children, they don't know what they want.
Yes, they do know what they want.
All of them. And they're all different.
We took some time, talked to the kids, got to know them a bit.
lt made a difference. lt helped them.
Please. Share your success.
Why don't you tell these people exactly how you help their children?
Max over here is potty-trained now, okay?
l don't miss.
That's right.
And Becca learned how to read.
Yes, l did.
And Crispin is the most polite kid you'd ever want to meet.
Thank you, Charlie.
You are most welcome, Crispin.
And l made friends.
That's right, little man, you made some friends.
As of this moment Daddy Day Care is back in business.
Don't be a fool. You won't make a nickel.
We might not get rich, but we'll manage.
Excuse me. All right.
How about that?
Any boob can run a child-care center.
lt takes a family to raise some children.
We're going to be a family from now on.
Family? What a laughable concept!
We'll just laugh our way down the driveway.
Have a pleasant day.
Bye, Miss Harridan.
Come on! Let's go!
Get in there! Come on! Let's go!
Come on! Hold up!
Everybody's holding hands, right?
Right.
Let's go.
''Daddy Day Care.''
Jennifer, how could you?
lt's a really great place to work.
You should apply there.
Or not.
Have a nice day, Miss Harridan.
That's nice.
Stop!
Help!
Help! Stuck!
All right, here l come.
What's going on here?
Help!
I'm stuck!
Loser.
Loser.
Little man.
I'd say this wasn't a bad tradeoff.
Yeah, Dad.
And, action.
We can spend.... You know, we can't spend money without having it.
Hold on one second.
What, are you being beamed up?
lt's Captain Kirk.
lt is!
Action.
What are you doing to me?
Pudding on my hand.
Okay, wait a minute.
l would never push you in a sticker bush.
You couldn't push me.
No, l'd use a shovel on you.
Busy.
Some other kids around here hanging out with you. How that sound?
See, you going to have to work on it.
Mazel tov.
Remember when you broke my yo-yo?
l broke--
And you never gave me a new one.
That's why you sent me to bed.
You've been writing.
No, l can't even write my letters.
What's going on here?
You're killing me. You're really killing me.
Joe Frazier's Smokin' Skillets!
These skillets were made in the City of Brotherly Love.
That's a good thing.
Okay, Eddie.
They gave you a little too much direction, didn't they?
Okay, stop before you pee on yourself.
What is my line?
''l'll sell all my toys.''
l'll sell all my toys.
l'll say my other line over again, because l messed it up. l say, ''You--''
Action!
Okay, thank you.
Let it go for a second. There.
Thank you.
That's why l know we haven't been to the moon.
Miss Harridan says it's preparing me for my future.
You hungry?
Yeah.
What do you feel like eating?
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
l don't know.
After this scene.
lf l give you--