Good evening Eunho! I hope today has been a great day for you!
Although it was only a week that I couldn’t write for you, I already feel like missing you so much! You know Eunho, everyday I always open the 231120 stream to listen to the moment you sang the song 기억의 습작. I love it a lot, not just because it is a good song, but surprisingly this song let you show out so many ranges in your singing voice! Your low voice, your sweet humming voice and your beautiful high notes, all was shown in just one song! This high note of yours will never stop blowing my mind!!! 😭😭💖💖
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And you know what Eunho, recently I don’t write for you much because I’m attending a contest where you write an essay about your feelings on a Korean composition. And the composition I chose to write about is 노 파사란 by 김이정.
Actually I didn’t intend to attend this contest at all, basically because although writing sentiments about a composition is my field, I have only learnt Korean for 2 months and this contest requires you to write everything in Korean. But then I happened to attend a class where they gave some tutorials and summaries about those compositions that would be the topics of the contest (I don’t know why I attended it either haha because this class wasn’t forced, it opened for whoever wanted to know more about the contest details). And I got to know about the composition I chose to write about.
The moment the tutor ended her speech on that composition, my tears started falling down. I thought: “Wow, this story is also about me”.
It a story about a person who chose to go to Guernica after seeing the painting with the same name by Picasso. But their trip had pretty many difficulties leading them to keep asking themselves why they actually chose to go here. Then they went to a market and there they met the hotel owner of which they were staying – whom was also one of their troubles. However their thoughts on the hotel owner started changing when they saw her taking care of her mother – who was suffering with dementia and the trauma of war. They happened to talk with the hotel owner in the bar and the owner asked why they decided to go all the way to come to this place to once again making them think “I don’t know either”. Looking up to the sky, the main character remembered the hotel owner’s mother’s scream and somehow that reminded them of their husband’s voice before he died. So that was the actual reason why they were here. They cried like they had never been able to and the hotel owner hug them, ended the composition with:
After reading that, I got reminded of the time where I was crying after watching the 230814 stream of brother Noah’s and yours, Eunho. It’s the moment where a vague pain finally appears clearly, something you know it does exist but your heart keeps hiding it away from you, preventing you from facing it directly, was finally here.
Wow comes to think of it more, surprisingly how everything is just connected like fate. As you know Eunho, like many PLLIs, I first knew PLAVE through those funny moments on many social medias, but really unusual of me how I decided to take that much time explore more about you guys. You can imagine me at that time as someone who would easily get bored because I didn’t have any great urges to continue anything and I was really obsessed with the end back then, everything would come to an end anyways then why should I waste time getting more closely. Like that, you can understand how confusing it was to someone about themselves if they spend great time on something, right?
Like the main character from the composition, it only took me a moment to decide on finding out more about PLAVE, but what after that was the actual difficulty. Everything was mostly in Korean, not much people did contents about PLAVE and everything seemed to be the most active on fancafe – somewhere that is pretty difficult to access to for international fans. There was absolutely no one back then did a tutorial on how to get in PLAVE’s fancafe, it took me the whole week just to find out on my own, really I wonder what made me that much patient hahaha.
Nevertheless, afterwards, I think I found the answer. Loving PLAVE is my aspiration of escaping the hopeless circulation of my life. I think my soul did acknowledge the gloomy repetition in my days and did want to get away from it back then, but there was nothing it could do which led it to no other choices but letting me act like I had finally accept this melancholic fate. Only when I started loving PLAVE, seeing the people my age following their dreams that the hopelessness can no longer have any power to cover my eyes anymore. I’m not a rotting corspe, I’m a young person that dreams and ambitions are still here, in my heart, smoldering. I don’t want to act like a dead body anymore, I want to live.
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With this story of mine, today I want to recommend you a song to listen to: 잘 가 – 권진아. You know Eunho, although this song is about a goodbye, I just feel such equanimity and freshness when listening to it. The story of my life makes me view this song as a goodbye from the hopelessness which had been blocking my way for so long to me, it was taking the role of something that challenged my life vigor and now it knows that it can’t strongly stop me like before anymore, so it is proudly saying goodbye to me. I hope that if you have something that is challenging you so hard right now or in the future, one day it will proudly let you go as how much you have grown too Eunho! Have a good night, I love you so much!!❤️❤️