Your hair looks so sexy
pushed back.
Cady, would you
please tell him
that his hair looks sexy
pushed back?
Your hair looks sexy
pushed back.
Oh...
Thanks.
I'll, uh, see you in Calc.
At every party
There might be a low
Where the energy dips
Whoa, whoa, whoa
You might be thinking
"It's late, we should go
And they ran out of chips"
No! I can't even watch
When she touches his hair
And I've watched a snake
Eat a cow
Regina needs to be toppled
Sorry, Gretchen, I swear
We'll get our party now!
One candy cane, please!
A revenge party
A party that ends
With lions in a Roman arena
She has everything!
She gets everything!
Regina! Regina! Regina!
Ho, ho, ho!
Candy Cane Gram
for Shane Oman!
She has everything!
And one for Cady Heron.
She gets everything!
Four for Glenn Cocco?
You go, Glenn Cocco!
Glenn Cocco!
Glenn Cocco! Glenn Cocco!
And... none
for Gretchen Wieners, bye.
Who sent that?
Oh, it's from...
Regina! Regina! Regina!
"Thanks for being
such a great best friend."
Aw.
Oh.
Okay.
If you and Regina are
"best friends" now,
then you can be in charge of
keeping all her secrets, okay?
For example, she gave you
those high-heel shoes
just to make fun of you
because she knew
you wouldn't be able
to walk in them. Sorry!
Also, she says
she has a nose job,
but that's just to distract
from the fact
that she had one
of her ears moved!
Also, she totally cheats
on Aaron.
Yeah. Every Tuesday,
she says she has College Prep,
but really she's hooking up
with Shane Oman
in the third-floor
janitorial closet
on the bags of sawdust
that they use for barf!
And I never told anyone
because I'm such
a good friend!
And I'm only telling you
because you're such
a good friend.
It's a revenge party
A party that ends
With somebody's head
On a spike!
A revenge party
With your two best friends
It's like a party
With revenge
Is what it's like
A party with revenge
Is what it's like
A party with revenge
With revenge
Is what it's like!
Hey, do you have time to go
over derivatives for a minute?
Oh, um... no, not today.
Cady?
Um...
You've failed
your last five quizzes.
Is everything okay?
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'll just try harder.
Okay, because
if you need extra help,
there's a Mathletes meeting
starting in a couple minutes.
I can't. I'm sorry.
I have to go
to my friend Regina's house.
We're doing a dance
in the talent show.
"Rockin' Around
the Pole"?
Yeah, how did you know?
They do it every year.
It's like a...
Tradition?
Recurring nightmare.
Okay, I could probably
get Kevin to tutor you.
Well, Aaron's tutoring me now,
so...
Oh, he's tutoring you?
Sure, okay, well,
let Aaron know that the weird
thing with your quizzes
is that all the work is right
and only the answers are wrong.
Huh.
Huh.
Cady, I am not gonna
stop pushing you,
because I'm a pusher.
And I know you're smarter
than this.
Maybe I should just push
your seat away from Aaron's.
Ugh! And she was like,
"I'm a pusher, Cady.
I'm a pusher."
Wait, what does she even mean,
she's a "pusher"?
Like a drug pusher?
I don't know.
She's so weird.
Let it all out, honey.
Put it in the book.
Look at this thing!
I can't even see it.
It's sexy,
like a face breast.
It happens to me, too.
It's just the Klteen bars
flushing your toxins.
Huh. Okay.
Well, this skin stuff
you gave me sucks!
Where did you get it?
The Paris airport.
Oh, "the Paris airport."
Well, it's garbage.
And so are you.
She's just grouchy
because Aaron
broke up with her.
He did?
Someone told him
about Shane.
Do you think it was Santa?
Oh...
Also,
all that she's been eating
are those Klteen bars,
and I don't think she's pooped
in, like, two weeks.
Uh...
Hey, G, we've practiced
a bunch with Cady.
You want to run it once?
Why? I'm perfect every year.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, but it's,
uh, Cady's first time
and there's a bunch
of traffic patterns...
Stop playing with
that stupid babyish book!
Uh, that was
Damian Hubbard singing...
...the iCarly theme song
in French for extra credit.
Yeah!
Our next act describes
their music
as "Like a sine wave,
they don't stop."
Please welcome Kevin G
and the Power of Three.
Uh. Yeah.
All you
Suckah emcees
Ain't got nothin' on me
From my grades to my rhymes
You can't touch Kevin G
I'm a Mathlete
So good under pressure
I'ma find acute angles
To prioritize your pleasure
I'm a Model UN rep
Out in these streets
But I'm a overachiever
Under the sheets
She be like
"Uhhhh, Kevin G!"
Inappropriate.
Kevin, we talked about this.
Well,
happy holidays, everybody.
Why is this so tight?
You've had it
since the sixth grade.
You're probably maturing.
Um, do you just,
like, want to run it one time
real quick?
Gretchen,
literally no one cares.
Mm-hmm. No, totally.
Um, do you just want
to run the acro?
Because none of us really does
gymnastics anymore
and when we made up this dance,
we all weighed, like, 70 pounds,
so maybe we should
just make sure everyone's
center of gravity is still...
Still what?
Nothing.
Thank you,
Shelby and Timmy, for tapping.
Also, if anyone finds
a retainer
in a bright aqua case,
that is mine.
Please return it.
My insurance won't cover
a replacement.
Karen, I can see your bra.
It's on purpose.
I'm going for a look.
Is it "girl
who slept with 11 people"?
'Cause you're nailing it.
I think your top is fetch.
Gretchen!
Stop trying
to make "fetch" happen.
It's not going to happen.
Okay,
please welcome Santa's Helpers
doing "Rockin'
Around the Pole."
We're gonna
Take a Christmas train
To where Santa lives
Up through the sleet
And snow
Then we'll hop and bop
Straight to the top
Last stop the North Pole
And we'll be rock, rock
Rockin' around the pole
Where the northern lights
Are bright
Rock, rock, rockin'
Around the pole
We'll rock that pole
All night
And we'll be sing, sing
Singin' a Christmas tune
Thank you, next!
Yeah, we'll be rock
Rock, rockin' up on that pole
Rockin' till the break
Of day
Yeah, we'll be rockin'
Stuffin' a stockin'
And they'll be talkin'
About us in town
Yeah, we'll be rockin'
And rollin' and lockin'
And strollin'
Till the North Pole police
Come shut us down
So, I went
to the Christmas show
and it was a mess, y'all.
Regina ate total shit.
I think people saw her nipple.
It's just unprofessional.
This was kind of hilarious.
I've watched
this video a thousand times.
Gretchen piledrived Regina.
Regina really should be
lifting through her glutes.
Regina challenge!
You know
what that bitch gets?
Not my sympathy.
It's not like
we like Regina anyway.
She's such a bitch.
She's so spoiled.
Regina always wanted
to be the center of attention.
Girl, we all see you.
Regina got what she deserves.
But you know, that Cady girl
was kind of cute.
You know, she stayed,
she waved.
She ate, like, house down.
Cady Heron was the only one
that acted normal.
Oh, yeah.
I think she salvaged
the worst tradition
of the year.
Period.
She was... She's kind of hot.
She might even be hotter
than Regina George.
No zits. Gum health.
American Eagle.
Cady doesn't even have
to wear deodorant.
I'm thinking of going red.
Okay, so, somebody sent me
this look, and I was like,
"Hot girls,
we are going back to red!
Y2K fire-crotch is back!"
Thank you, Cady Heron.
Cady was looking good.
Caddy!
Did you hear me?
What?
We did it.
Regina lost
her hot boyfriend.
She lost her status
over everyone.
She popped her blemish
against the stage floor.
That's rock bottom.
We can stop. We're even.
Finally you don't have
to talk to them anymore.
We can finally
have lunch together tomorrow.
I'm getting dumplings.
Unless they have pizza bagels,
then I might get both.
So good.
I can't.
I need one more lunch.
I'm sorry, Regina.
You can't sit with us.
What?
You're wearing sweatpants.
It's Thursday.
Whatever.
Those rules aren't real.
They were real
that day I wore a vest.
Yeah, because that vest
was disgusting!
You can't sit with us!
These sweatpants
are all that fit me right now.
What do you think, Cady?
Sorry, Regina.
Rules are rules.
Fine.
Oh.
Take a picture, losers.
It'll last longer.
And that...
...was the beginning...
...of the...
...mother
...end.
Hello,
may I have your attention
for this morning's
announcements?
In honor
of Women's History Month,
the cafeteria is offering
vegan "Confident Joannes"
which are Sloppy Joes
made of beans.
Secondly, we want
to wish good luck
to junior, Janis 'Imi'ike...
...who is a finalist
in the Illinois Art Expo
this Saturday.
Go, Lions! Even for Art.
Art, art, art!
Next up,
the Students Activities
Committee voted,
and the theme for
this year's Spring Fling...
What's that lip color?
Oh, it's e.l.f. O Face in...
No, amazing, yeah.
I was just making sure
your ears still worked.
And finally, the nominees for
Spring Fling King and Queen
are as follows:
For King, Aaron Samuels,
Christian Wiggins
and Shane Oman.
And Damian Hubbard. What?
For Queen...
...Regina George...
...Karen Shetty
and Gretchen Wieners.
Same old, same old.
And Caddy Heron.
Wow.
Wait, my mistake.
Cady Heron.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God,
so many people are texting me.
Should I, um, text Aaron
and congratulate him?
No.
Hey, do you want a lift
this weekend?
'Cause Damian's borrowing
his grandma's Jazzy.
A lift to what?
My art show.
Didn't you just hear
Mr. Duvall talking about it?
Oh, that's this weekend?
Yeah.
Oh, shoot.
I have tickets to this thing
in Madison with my mom.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, you seem
super sad about it.
So, what are we doing
this weekend?
Why is everyone asking me
about the weekend?
It's Tuesday.
Yeah, the weekend is only...
several days away.
I have to go to this thing
in Madison with my mom.
Your mom is going away?
You should have people over.
No, I'm going with her.
Well, if you have people over,
you can invite Aaron.
Huh.
Yeah, I guess
I could get out of it.
But, like,
we would keep it small, right?
Like five or six people?
Yes!
Sure!
Why are you doing this to me?!
I promised my friend Janis
I'd go to her art show!
But, binti, we've had
these tickets for months.
You love Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Mom!
Janis is my best friend!
Do you not want me
to be a good friend?!
No! Yes! What?
You can, uh, stay home
on your own, I guess.
Hey. I'm having
a small get-together
at my house tomorrow night.
My mom's away, so...
Is Regina going?
No! Do you think
I'm an idiot? No.
It's just gonna be
a few cool people,
and you better be
one of them, byotch.
Okay. I'll be there.
No, no, no!
Have you seen Aaron?
What?
Aaron!
Karen?
Hi.
Whoo!
I've been looking for you.
Me as well.
I like your costume.
I mean, um, your dress.
Is this you holding
a crocodile?
Oh, my God,
don't look at that.
That is so embarrassing.
No, it's not. It's awesome.
You miss Kenya?
Yes.
No. I mean, I...
Well, I miss...
I could see
a lot more sky there.
At night.
My mom and I used
to map the constellations.
The stars.
You still on
the treadmill, honey?
No, I'm over there.
You got any plans tonight?
It's Saturday.
Mom, don't bother me.
I know you're not
feeling your best
about your body right now,
but remember that real beauty
comes from the face.
Don't ever talk about my body!
Okay, okay.
Wait, honey, why are
you eating Klteen bars?
These are what
we gave Nana Joan
when we needed her
to gain weight.
I am drinking
not juice tonight.
I know. I can tell.
We should go downstairs.
No, no, no, sit down.
I'm amazing.
I think you should wear
your hair however you want.
I think it looks good
both ways.
Thank you
for inviting me tonight.
I think
I've spent too much time
being pissed at Regina.
Yeah, you really have.
No more liars.
I would never lie to you.
I mean,
I did lie to you once.
But you are totally
gonna laugh when I tell you.
Tell me what?
We're in here!
I pretended
to be bad at math
to get you to help me,
but I'm not bad at math.
I'm actually... I'm actually
really good at math.
You're the one who's only
kind of okay at math.
Anyways, um,
now I'm failing.
So isn't that so dumb?
That is dumb, yeah.
Why wouldn't you
just talk to me?
Because of Regina.
'Cause you were her property.
Her property?
Shut up. Not her property.
Don't tell me to shut up.
What? Aaron, sit down.
You are a clone of Regina.
No. No, no, no!
What are you thinking about?
Chicken wings later.
Do you ever think about me?
Sometimes.
When I'm looking right at you.
Cady, Cady, Cady!
No, no, no.
Aaron!
Aaron, wait!
You dirty little liar.
I... I can explain.
Explain how you're supposed
to be out of town
but there are
60 different people
posting pictures
from your party?
You know
I couldn't invite you.
I... I have to act
like I don't know you.
You are full of lies!
Janis, I cannot stop
this Jazzy.
You know I have a curfew!
You would hate this party.
Why? Aren't you having
an amazing time
with your amazing friends?
Janis, I can't spend
every minute with you.
It's not my fault you're like
obsessed with me or something!
What?
Oh, no, she didn't.
See, this is the problem
with you Plastics.
You think everyone
is obsessed with you
when actually
everybody hates you.
You made me like this.
It was your idea for me
to pretend to be Plastic!
Buddy, it's not pretend!
You are as plastic
As they come
You think
Your shit don't stink
You think
The rest of us are dumb
I hate Regina's guts
But here's what
You don't comprehend
At least she has the guts
To not pretend
To be my friend!
Here.
Have this. It won an award.
Janis.
No, it's fine
Really fine
Go be fine!
And I want my pink shirt.
My name is Regina George
And I am a massive deal
I will grind you to sand
Beneath my Louboutin-ed heel
This is what I get
For helping
Helping someone lame fit in
Cady Heron
Enjoy your temporary win
My name is Regina George
"This girl is a fugly cow"
Hey, Cady
How you like me now?
I want to watch
The world burn
I brought the gasoline
I want to watch
The world burn
And everyone get mean
I want to watch
The world burn
I got the gasoline
I want to watch
The world burn
And everyone get
Mean
Cady, time to
Watch your back
Cady, time to turn and cough
Because you took me down
But you didn't finish me off
My name is Regina George
And in case
You're keeping score
Cady may have won the battle
But I will win the war
I'm just so upset, Mr. Duvall.
We found it in the hallway.
I mean, the things
it says about me?
The things it says
about all of us?
I want to watch
The world burn
Trang Pham
Is a grotsky byotch!
"Rachel Hamilton fills
her inhaler with vodka"?
I mean... does that work?
I got the gasoline
Ms. Norbury's
A drug pusher!
No, no, no. No!
"Ms. Norbury is a sad,
old drug pusher"?
"Haley Fralenger has" ...what?
What's this?
Hairy nips.
Good Lord.
Mmm, I want
To make the world burn
Janis is a pyro-lez!
Don't you worry.
We're gonna find out
who did this.
There's only three girls
in the whole school
who aren't in it.
Regina is a fugly cow!
Regina is a fugly cow!
You wrote this
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I want to watch
The world burn
I got the gasoline
I want to watch
The world burn
And everyone turn
Mean... Mean
Mean!
"Damian Hubbard
is too gay to function"?
That is only okay
when I say it.
Only Cady could
have written that.
I want to watch
The world burn
I want to make
The world turn
So mean!
Oh, hell no!
I did not go
to graduate school for this.
I want to watch
The world burn!
All junior girls report
to the gymnasium immediately!
Immediately!
Never in my 31 years
as an educator
have I seen such behavior.
I have half a mind to cancel
your Spring Fling dance!
No!
I object.
But we're not gonna do that
because we've already paid
the DJ.
But I am taking
this "Burn Book" seriously.
Now who has something
to say about this?
Someone wrote in that book
that I'm lying
about being a virgin
because I use
super-jumbo tampons.
But I can't help it
if I have a heavy flow
and a wideset vagina.
Okay. Thank you.
Hold that thought.
Sharon, you need
to run this.
Oh, come on.
I need to be able
to tell parents
that we fixed this,
and honestly,
you need to prove
whoever called you
a drug pusher
was just joking.
Okay, fine,
but you are walking the dogs
every morning
for the rest of the week.
Thank you. I love you.
I love you, too.
Well
Excuse me.
Well, okay, hotshots,
who wrote all this junk?
Cady?
Any ideas?
No.
Interesting.
Um, can I just say,
I don't think we have a clique
problem at this school?
And some of us
shouldn't have to participate
in whatever this is,
um, just because
of a few bad people.
"A few bad people."
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Well, let's unpack that.
I want everybody
to close your eyes.
And I want you
to raise your hand
if you have ever had
a girl say something bad
about you behind your back.
Open your eyes.
Now close them again.
This time I want you
to raise your hand
if you have ever said
something bad
about a friend
behind her back.
Open your eyes.
Hmm.
Seems like maybe
we could take a break
from being victims
in this situation
and start taking
responsibility
for our own actions.
Okay, we're gonna write out
some apologies
to people that we've hurt
in our lives.
Everybody up.
I'm gonna kill you.
'Cause one thing
I know for sure, guys:
Calling someone "ugly" is not
gonna make you better looking.
Calling somebody else "stupid"
does not make you any smarter.
And we as women have
to be able to trust
and support each other.
Like this.
Okay, that was good.
That was really good.
That could have
really backfired.
Alyssa,
I'm sorry I said you look
like you comb your hair
with a chicken bone.
I know you're vegetarian.
Gretchen, I'm sorry I
laughed at you that time
you got diarrhea
on the Ferris wheel.
And I'm sorry
for repeating it now.
And I'm sorry to the people
who were below us.
Soona,
I'm sorry I said
you were dragging
during "Revenge Party."
There was just, like,
so much pressure on us
to move the story forward
through montage.
Like, you know how it is.
What is going on?
Don't worry about it.
I just wish
we could all get along
like we used to
in elementary school.
I wish
I could bake a cake
made out of rainbows
and smiles.
Then we could all eat it
and be happy.
She don't even go here!
Do you go to this school?
I'm here for a track meet.
I just have a lot of feelings!
Okay, sweetheart,
you got to go home.
Okay.
Come on, we're gonna...
Oh, thank you.
...we're gonna call
your grown-up.
My turn, I guess.
Watch, this is either gonna be
some really crappy art
or really good fire.
Okay, sure.
I have an apology.
My friend and I thought
it would be fun
to mess up
Regina George's life.
So we got
these candy-bar things
to make her gain weight...
...and we told her lard
was face cream.
And we turned her best friends
against her.
And then my friend Cady...
Yeah, you all know
my friend Cady.
She got Regina's boyfriend
to dump her!
Oh!
And it turns out,
Cady's actually
just as selfish
and phony as Regina George.
So this apology is to myself.
Because I should've
known better.
So your best friend
Screwed you over
Acted nice when
She's not nice
Well, I have some advice
'Cause it's happened
To me twice
Here's my secret strategy
It always works because
The world doesn't end
It just feels like it does
Just raise your right finger
And solemnly swear
Whatever they say about me
I don't care
I won't twist in knots
To join your game
I will say
"You make me mad"
And if you treat me bad
I'll say, "You're bad"
If I eat alone
From this moment on
That's just what I'll do
'Cause I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
Than be with you
We're supposed
To all be ladies
And be nurturing and care
Is that really fair?
Boys get to fight
We have to share
Here's the way that
That turns out
We always understand
How to slap someone down
With our underhand
So here is my right finger
To how girls should behave
'Cause sometimes
What's meant to break you
Makes you brave
So I will not act all innocent
I won't fake apologize
Let's just fight
And then make up
Not tell these lies
Let's call our damage even
Clean the slate
Till it's like new
It's a new life for me
Where I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
Than be with you
I'll say, "No"
No!
I'll say, "Knock it off
With your notes
And your rules
And your games"
And those sycophants
Who follow you
I'll remember all their names
And when they drag you down
Like they inevitably do
I will not laugh along
With them
And approve
Their palace coup
'Cause that's not me
I don't need
Their good opinions
I've got plenty of opinions
Every asshole has opinions
But it doesn't make 'em true
What's true is being me
And I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
Than be with you
So raise 'em high
'Cause playing nice and shy
Is insulting my IQ
I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
Than be with you
Walk away, turd.
Regina, I'm so sorry!
I didn't mean to hurt you!
You are
a lowlife version of me...
I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
I'd rather be me
Than be with
You!
And that's how
Regina George died.
Again, no one died!
I mean, technically, Regina
did die for, like, 15 seconds
but then she was revived.
And of course,
the rumor mill
started going insane.
I just saw
Regina get hit by a bus.
An artery come out
of her neck and her head
went all the way around!
Guys, street safety
is so important.
I'm just sad, like,
that's all I can say.
We are sending
our love and prayers...
Link in bio to my GoFundMe
page to raise money.
Regina, we knew
you would pull through.
How do I get this
off my algorithm?
I'm not one
to spread rumors,
but I'm pretty sure I saw Cady
push her right in front of it.
On my life, Cady pushed her.
I literally saw Cady
push Regina.
Don't fill up my comments,
but... karma.
Girls are made deranged
by what's called hormones.
Hormones.
W-H-O-R...
F that bitch.
F that wench.
All right.
Ms. Norbury is on a, uh,
temporary leave of absence.
Jail.
Hey.
I heard that, Miss Rockwell.
Anyways, we're not sure
who your substitute...
I did it.
I wrote that Ms. Norbury is
a drug pusher, and it's a lie.
Three-week suspension.
This is not
who I know you to be.
I know.
Where is my Ndebele vase?
What?
What do you mean, what?
You know, the colorful vase
that's always in that window.
Where is it?
I had some friends over
when you were away.
Go.
Go do your homework!
Um, also...
I need you to sign
my Calculus test,
'cause I'm failing.
Hey.
I guess you'll need this back
to set an alarm for tomorrow.
Don't want it.
You only have one message.
From someone named Karen,
who says:
"Donut worry.
I am still your freend."
How bad is it gonna
be tomorrow?
I was thinking maybe
I should go back
to being homeschooled.
Sweetie, no.
It's too small, me and you.
And I think
you're learning things now
that I don't know
how to teach.
Good night.
Mom?
Hmm?
Can you sit with me
till I fall asleep?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, sweetie.
Oh, hi. Did you want
to buy some drugs?
No, I was just handing
my quiz back.
You know, when the police
tore apart my house
looking for imaginary heroin,
I found this old calculator
that I thought I lost, so...
totally worth it.
I'm really sorry.
Thank you.
But I know you didn't write
that whole book yourself.
You gonna tell Mr. Duvall
who did?
No.
Trying this new thing
where I don't talk
about people
behind their backs.
Getting hit by a bus seems
like enough punishment.
Welcome back, nerd.
Will you be attending
the Spring Fling this weekend?
No. Everyone hates me.
Perfect, because
I figured out a way for you
to earn some extra credit.
Hey, Bird,
you ready to suit up
and show off
your math schquills?
Kev, stop trying
to make "schquills" happen.
It's not gonna happen.
Jacob, get off my dick.
Hey! PG-13, please.
Welcome to the ICMState Math Championships.
Sponsored by SeatGeek.
Yeah, SeatGeek!
Tonight will be
the culmination
of all you've worked for.
Each right answer
will be worth two points.
The highest score at the end
of 40 minutes of play wins.
As always, no calculators.
Question one.
Two, three, four!
Determine the equation of
the tangent line to the graph.
The answer is B.
Correct.
Solve the equation above
using prime numbers.
Prime factor 41.
Correct.
Please solve for x.
x = 2?
Incorrect.
x is greater
than the value of y.
Correct.
Stupid with love
I didn't get it
I didn't get it, somehow
Smart with math
But stupid with love
I didn't get it
Negative two!
Correct.
Stupid with love
Whoa-oa-oa
Stupid with love
Function [x] = mx + c.
Correct.
Stupid with love
Whoa-oa-oa
Stupid with love
Both polynomials
are second degree,
so the asymptote is at y = 5.
Excellent.
I feel my brain
Begin to rust
I am filled with calcu-lust
Does this guy work out?
He must
All sweaty at the gym
Could that image be more hot?
Let me just enjoy
That thought
School was rough
But now it's not
Negative four?
True.
29?
The slope is zero.
Incorrect.
The slope
of the tangent line is four.
Excellent.
Well, this has only ever
happened once before.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a tie.
In the event of a tie,
we move into a one-on-one
sudden-death round
where each team
may choose their opponent.
We pick the girl.
We pick the girl, too.
Ms. Krafft, Ms. Heron,
please step forward.
Nice to meet you.
Whatever, slut.
Contestants, please find
the limit of this expression.
You know,
it's not me against you.
It's North Shore
versus Marymount.
A very wise teacher...
The limit is negative one.
That answer is incorrect.
If Ms. Heron
can answer correctly,
we have a winner.
You got this, Golf Bird.
Why can't I remember
anything about limits?
Honey, I don't know your life.
Why did you waste time
insulting me?
Why did I waste time
judging your hair?
This is not a competition.
It kind of is, though.
Right.
A math one.
I was stupid
But now I get it
No what ifs, might haves
Could have been if I had
Only tried, not held back
That's not a part of my plan
I see the things
That I missed
No, that's not the me
That I am
The limit
It doesn't exist!
The limit does not exist.
Our new state champions,
the North Shore Mathletes.
Yeah, you like that,
Marymount?
Get some! Get some!
Don't hold me back!
Don't hold me back!
Stupid with love
But now I get it
Stupid with love
But now I get it
Stupid with love
But now I get it
Stupid!
Have you seen Jason?
Like right now
or like ever in life?
Ohhh, miss!
I'm supposed to hang
with my fallback in there
but, you know,
if you wanted to slip out,
meet in my Jeep or...
Jason!
It's me!
"Fallback"?
No, I... I know.
Yeah, I knew the whole time.
No, we are done!
Because you know what?
I have a 140 IQ,
very toned legs,
and my parents love me!
And you will regret this
when you're old
because I am fricking fetch!
That's how you use it.
Come on.
Okay, attention, everybody.
Whoo-hoo-hoo,
let's go!
Regina!
You look pretty.
I'm wearing
a corrective neck collar.
I'm sorry about the bus.
I feel like it's all my fault.
No... No, it's not your fault.
Cady, don't apologize for
things that aren't your fault.
But, yeah,
I forgive you, 'cause...
I'm on a lot
of pain medication right now.
You know I died
for 15 seconds?
Yeah.
Anyway, my mom was really
pumped to be on the news.
It's weird
when people treat you
like you're famous
or something.
It's amazing.
Until it's not.
Look, I...
I know I have to change.
And I was harsh.
And people say
that I'm a bitch.
You know what they would
call me if I was a boy?
Strong.
"Reginald."
That's what my mom was gonna
name me if I was a boy, so...
Honestly,
I would rather be "bitch."
I like you.
But this medicine
makes me like everyone, so...
Okay,
do we have all of our nominees
for the Spring Fling
King and Queen onstage?
I just want to say
you're all winners.
And I am retiring as soon
as this evening is over.
The winner
of the Spring Fling King is...
Shane Oman.
Whoo! Yeah!
Hey.
Um, have you seen Janis?
Every day since 2009.
But she doesn't want
to see you.
And
your Spring Fling Queen...
Damian, I'm...
I'm really sorry.
Cady Heron.
What?
I mean, of course she is.
Go, Cady!
Where is Cady?
Congratulations.
Um...
I think people voted for me
because they think
I pushed someone
in front of a bus.
It's not your fault.
A bus pushed me.
But what is my fault is
the way I treated my friends.
I used you and I lied to you
and I'm... I'm so sorry.
I'm also sorry to everyone
whose feelings got hurt
from the Burn Book.
You know,
it's really not required
for you to make a speech.
Right. Almost done,
I promise. Um...
I think everyone looks
like royalty tonight.
It just seems weird
for one person to win this.
I mean,
it's just a chunk of plastic.
We could just share it.
Cheap, fake
Easy to break
That's how I used to be
Here... Take it.
Now I'm awake
I'll tell you what I see
Plastic don't shine
Glitter don't shine
Rhinestones don't shine
The way you do
You are so real
You are so rare
I see you there
I see you
I see stars
So many stars tonight
You could make diamonds dull
You are so beautiful
I see stars
You shine as bright as day
I will look out for you
We'll light each other's way
You're all stars
All right,
have a good time, everyone.
No vaping.
Rachel Hamilton!
Give me that inhaler.
Are you still mad at me?
I don't know.
Are you still an asshole?
I don't think so?
Cute.
Wherever darkness falls
I'll be the light
To guide you home
She sounds good.
But she does not
go here, y'all.
Would you look over there?
Oh, my gosh!
Do you want to dance?
Yeah.
Congrats on winning state.
The jacket looks, uh,
really good on you.
Thanks. It has a pocket inside
for a calculator.
What?
Yeah.
Grool.
Grool.
You stars
So many stars tonight
I see stars
And that was
the first time in history
that Spring Fling
was actually fun.
Ms. Norbury and
Mr. Duvall got wasted. JK, JK.
Karen discovered
the safe joy
of dancing with theater boys.
And Plastics and Jocks
partied with math nerds.
Janis danced
to a pop song
and didn't burst into flames.
Ow. Ow. Ow!
And everyone else
just kind of floated.
So the moral
of our story is thus:
Calling someone stupid
won't make you any smarter.
And even the people
you really don't like
are still people
who just want to coexist.
So get off their dicks!
I see
Stars!
Where she at?
What she doing?
Who she with
And where she from?
Well, she's this
Oh, she's that
She's a flight risk
On the run
She's back, she's back
Yeah, I'm back, bitch
Are you done?
Excuse me
While I bite my tongue
I'm back on that same shit
From before
I can't take this pettiness
Now I'm bored
We can champagne
There's enough for us all
Told you who I am
And what it is
It's not my fault
It's not my fault
You came with her
But she might leave with me
It's not my fault
You've got to pay
For what I get for free
It's not my fault
You're like, you're like
You're like in love with me
It's not my fault
You're like in love with me
You're like in love with me
Get her number, get her name
Get a good thing
While you can
Kiss a blonde, kiss a friend
Can a gay girl get an amen?
I'm back on that same shit
From before
I can't take this pettiness
Now I'm bored
We can champagne
There's enough for us all
I told you who I am
And what it is
It's not my fault
It's not my fault
You came with her
But she might leave with me
It's not my fault
You've got to pay
For what I get for free
It's not my fault
You're like, you're like
You're like in love with me
It's not my fault
You're like in love with me
You're like in love with me
I mean, who wouldn't want
To be in love with me
I'm a mood board
Girls got to Pinterest me
I'm a stallion but they come
And f... me like Trojan
And it wouldn't be me
If I ain't cause commotion
I'm so bad
Dudes thought I was AI
I ballin' like AI
I stick to a whole lot
Of paper like a stapler
Stack like Jenga
And you basic bitch
Get stroke like a painter
It's funny how the mean girl
Open all the doors
I've been told y'all
I'm the black Regina George
Bikini top, booty shorts
Megan core
You was hating back then
Now you finna hate more
I got influence
They do anything I endorse
I run s...
To be a bad bitch is a sport
I woke up hotter
Than I was yesterday
Don't care about no rules
'Cause I always get my way
It's not my fault
You came with her
But she might leave with me
It's not my fault
You've got to pay
For what I get for free
It's not my fault
You're like, you're like
You're like in love with me
It's not my fault
You're like in love with me
You're like in love with me
A sexy Quint
From sexy Jaws
Catching sexy sharks
Sexy Eleanor Roosevelt
Or sexy Joan of Arc
I can be a sexy pirate
Or a sexy ballet dancer
I can be a sexy doctor
And cure some sexy cancer!
Happy Halloween!
This is
Modern feminism talkin'
Watch me as I run the world
In shoes I cannot walk in
I can be who I want to be
And sex... sex
Sexy!
I'm a sexy mouse. Duh!
You're next.
You could be really hot
if you change, like,
everything.