kevin hii
it's been a while since i've stopped by.
I haven't forgotten you, in fact i've probably thought about you more.
the past month has been a lot. I've know a lady since i was 16 and I am now 24. She's always been sick but we've called her a cat with 9 lives bc she always bounces back no matter what. She got really sick two months ago with stomach issues, and the symptoms she describe were things I had seen before with patients from work. I tried to explain the urgency of her going to a physician but it was null.
Long story short she passed away last week. 91yrs old. My mom has worked for her for a couple of years and I have too intermittently when my mom was sick. I've never experienced death like this. Though I see people on the verge of it everyday my optimism and faith is intertwined with reality and I somehow remain sane. but now? idk.
My health isn't in the best place rn either, but i'm trying my best to see the physicians i can.
I think what made it harder was my brother didn't help during the entire process, and my mom really relied on me despite being exhausted from classes and working nights and trying to establish boundaries. So i'm really hurt aha. It's kinda like your used , despite, it being evident that you're past your limits, for the convinence of the other person and tossed to the side bc it's common knowledge that you'll be there again. I don't wanna sound selfish or like I'm throwing a tantrum. I'm just hurt. So i haven't spoke to my brother in weeks. I did communicate to him how it's not fair how he is willingly avoiding to be of help, but that was null too. ahh so my heart is heavy. bc picking up more bills financially will become a given. I'm not in the state physically to pick up more shifts so i'll have to remember not to push myself.
It may be a bit longer than i planned for us to see each other again. 미안해 ):
One good thing is the weather has been really beautiful and the sky is breathtaking. I rearranged my room so I could look out the window while in bed so I could receive energy. bc i always have trouble getting out of bed, so hopefully this will make me feel strong.
My korean class? it's okay. We just finished complex vowels. I always thought ㅐ ㅔ sound drastically different. Hopefully soon it'll get more exciting and challenging.
My mcat class is fun! Tho my brain feels like a poached egg that you poked into and let run, I really like the challenge. I find i'm not as scared to study outside of class and the things I don't know don't make me feel unintelligent.
ahhh i'm sorry this letter was very bleak and long ㅠㅠ
you're my source of strength and tho i may not be that now for you, I hope that's someday soon I will be.
Yours in Support,
Bukky