Why did we go
to the strip club first?
Oh, come on.
Seeing morning strippers
is the best.
They work harder
for those dollars.
Here, if you take
four bennies,
your allergic reaction
will be gone by the morning.
Won't these just knock me
-the fuck out?
-Yes.
Wendy, you have to stop
drugging people.
Ladies, listen.
-Let's talk about the future.
-Ooh, like, palm readers?
Don't be insane.
I'm talking 401Ks.
I'm talking mutual funds.
I'm talking about
having your money
make you money.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa there, Jackie Brown.
I'd like to have a little parlay
with you for a moment here.
What's up?
Do you think,
considering Isabella's fragile,
weakened,
almost barely alive state
after my heroic
and valiant rescue,
and Xan...
well, Xan looks like
she's holding on
by a thread here and, uh,
about to puke up
all that shrimp that she ate.
And Wendy,
well, actually Wendy looks fine.
Yeah.
But I was thinking
maybe not the best time
for a whole
money business conversation.
No, it's the perfect time.
There's a lesson in this.
-It's gonna be good.
-Carry on.
Promise.
Girls...
there is no better time
than the present
to be saving.
You must always be saving.
A, always, B, be,
S, saving.
-Anybody want a dirty?
-Yes, I'll have one.
Okay, how much did you put
towards savings
from each paycheck?
-$20.
-No, 15%.
Do you wanna be 90
and still working?
- Hope I'm dead.
- Okay.
Does everybody have a Roth IRA?
-I don't know what that is.
-I boned a guy named Ira once.
Oh, was that the guy
with the glass eye?
No, his last name was Glass.
-It was Ira Glass.
-Wow.
Okay.
I got my work cut out for me.
Okay. Any questions?
What does this have to do
with Xan?
Me?
Oh, I don't care.
You're really
in your element, Sammy.
I've been enjoying
watching you speak.
How have you not retained
anything I've just said?
With my 20 grand,
I want you to put it
into a retirement fund.
Tony won't be able to touch it,
'cause it'll be in your name.
Oh, good. Yes.
I'll definitely
need help with that.
This was the help.
Oh.
Could you send all of this
-in an email?
-No.
Yes.
What? Oh, God.
I just had
the worst dream and I saw--
Samantha was giving this boring
long-winded presentation...
...that was so good!
You're so pretty.
Whatever.
Anybody else drinking?
You are all gonna die.
Just out of curiosity,
am I listed on any of
your life insurance policies?
I'm sleepy, so I'm just gonna go
shut my eyeballs
over in the-- in the camper.
Let's go start on Manhattans.
-Yes. Yes, please.
-Definitely.
Help. Thank you.
Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
Let's do.
Let's clean up, guys.
Right.
Help me.
Fuck.
Okay, Xan,
you are lucky that I have
a soft spot for wounded animals.
You can have your phone back
like I promised.
Xan?
-Isabella.
-Mm.
-Where's Xan?
-I don't know.
Too many bennies.
- Wendy? Sam?
- Yeah.
Where is Xan?
That's not the
track you laid last night,
Mr. Conductor. Ooh.
Choo-choo.
I don't even wanna know.
Wendy.
-Wendy!
-Huh?
Where is Xan?
The last thing
I remember we were drinking,
uh, Malibu Loose.
And then Ezekiel and Amara--
Ezekiel and Amara, what?
- We gotta go.
- Oh, no!
Are you gonna
finish your thought?
Hello?
Wait for me!
Ezekiel,
I know you're in there!
Open up!
- Open up!
- Hello, Eskimo sister.
Oh.
Shall we try
to pick up where we left off?
Oh, okay. Did we, um--
-Oh, sadly, no.
-No, okay.
You wanted to come
dance in the camper
with the dream catchers.
The sleep took you
before we could.
We still enjoyed ourselves
next to
your sleeping body, though.
It was like
you were a part of it.
Okay.
No, no, no.
-I'm out. I'm out.
-Where are you going?
No, no, no.
Oh, she's leaving us.
-What the fuck!
-Nothing. I gotta shower.
Whoa, whoa, whoa there,
lady of the night.
Listen, no shade.
I don't want to yuck your yum.
I realize
that I'm usually the one
that has a
for men who think
that bathing is optional.
But I just have to ask you,
did you have a throuple
with the woo-woo twins?
What? No. I just passed out.
-Oh, my God. My head.
-Don't lie to me.
Come on.
You did a little hand stuff.
Little, like...
What? No.
Everyone, I'm fine. Really.
I just drank too much.
I just need a shower
and I'll be ready
for your thing.
This is no big deal.
- So really no hand stuff?
- Nope.
Yeah, she's not okay.
-Not at all.
-She'll be okay.
It's very messy.
I really hope
it doesn't ruin my thing.
Yes. There it is.
-What?
-The Joshua tree.
Oh, we should pose like you two
and do an emo album cover.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Shortest to tallest.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
Hello?
The Joshua Tree?
I can't believe
we found it right away.
- Ren, get in here. Come on.
- Mm-hmm.
I hate to break this
to you guys,
but there is not just one tree.
There are thousands
of Joshua trees,
hence the park name.
Joshua Tree National Park.
-You're just gonna correct me?
-What?
You're gonna correct
my grammar all day?
-It's not grammar.
-Just--
Oh!
-She's so saucy.
-She really is.
-It does.
-Did anybody bring water?
I gotta pee...
or drop a deuce.
Come on.
What does hiking have to do
with spending my life savings?
You'll see.
Can't we see sooner, Ren?
Guys.
Keep an eye out
for small foliage.
I can't go on.
We are guests
in nature's habitat
and we don't wanna
be gentrifiers.
This is
so much longer than a mile.
- We got this. We got this.
- It'll be fine.
You got this, girl.
If I can do it, you can do it.
Oh, mama's hurting.
Come on, these hiking boots
aren't meant to get dirty.
Hurry up.
I'm-- I'm about
to die in the desert.
People already spent
40 years in the desert.
- Oh!
- This is what I get?
"A small hike."
A small hike is a walk.
This is a death march.
Oh.
Okay.
Damn, this is better
than anything
I've ever found on Insta.
You know, Ren,
I tell all my fancy
lawyer friends about you.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
They think
it's pretty cool that I know
a National Geographic
photographer.
- Yeah. That's cool.
- Yeah.
So, do you, uh...
tell all your
photography friends about me?
It's kind of a solo activity.
Right.
All right. This is worth it.
And alas, I'll have to
start a new life here,
because my legs
have stopped working.
But that's fine.
I think I'm gonna start
a gang with the wildlife.
I think that they would happily
accept you as their leader.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
So I wanted to bring you guys
out here today...
'cause I know that
right before I got sober, I...
I put you guys through hell.
A lot of bodies buried here.
Yeah, and there's stuff,
Wendy, that we said that
we would take to the grave.
But in-- in all seriousness,
I, um...
Fuck. I, uh...
I know that I--
that I wasn't really
a good friend...
and that I didn't show up
for you guys a lot.
And that I was really
selfish a lot of the time.
And, um...
I don't wanna do that anymore.
It's not who I wanna be.
I wanna be accountable
and I wanna show up
and be reliable.
And so, as much...
as I would like to spend
this money on something fun...
I'd like to give it back, um.
And so I wanna donate the 20,000
to preserving the park.
I like that, Ren.
Ren, that's really nice.
I can be nice. Sometimes.
I wouldn't go that far.
And this is definitely
not as pragmatic
as my day was, but, uh...
okay.
Well, I'm glad to know
that emotion hasn't changed you
from pulling focus
in any situation.
-I love you so much, Ren.
-Me too.
I love all of you so much.
-My God! Stop.
-Okay.
Okay. I can't help it.
It's a-coming. It's a-flowing.
Oh, it's okay.
I got a guy for that.
I'm sure you do.
My antidepressants
won't let me cry,
-but this is nice.
-That's why you're my rock.
Come. Come.
Okay. That's enough emotion.
I'm done.
-Okay, yeah.
-Let's go.
-All right.
-Okay.
Well,
it was really nice, Ren...
...that you did that.
What is good here?
I have never seen a more
beautiful group of women before.
You're pretty cute too.
Can't go wrong with any tex-mex.
Especially the, uh, pulled pork.
And do you pull
your pork by hand?
It's better
when someone else does it.
I'll give you girls
a few minutes.
Hurry back.
-Oh, my God, Wendy.
-What?
Diego would kill me
if I was flirting
with the waiter like that.
He doesn't own you.
You're not even engaged yet.
-I bet that you guys are--
-I'm not.
You're right. I'm not.
So I should stand up to him.
I mean, what am I doing?
You know?
So, back to Wendy
and the flirting.
-Wendy?
-Flirting never killed anybody.
Besides, Harry and I have
an open arrangement.
Wait, wait, what do you--
what do you mean by open?
It means
we can fuck other people.
-Oh, subtle.
-Okay.
The straights are doing
the open relationship thing?
That-- that's our thing.
Is this new?
How long has this been going on?
Um, we started a couple
months ago and it's been great.
I mean, honestly,
we've never been better.
-And it doesn't eat you alive?
-No. I mean, it's like--
It's like when I think
about Cinnabons, you know.
I crave one and I crave one,
and I crave one,
and eventually,
I'm going to the mall.
You know what I mean?
It's like that.
So, Harry is the Cinnabon,
or are you the Cinnabon?
No, nobody's the Cinnabon.
It's-- it's about temptation.
You know, if there's always
a Cinnabon on the table,
you know,
if I want one, I want one.
-No big deal.
-Wow. Wow.
You know,
you're kind of enlightened.
You know, it's like that time
that the Pope did a fist bump.
I have so many questions,
especially about the Pope.
And you don't get
jealous at all?
No, I mean, as long as he's safe
and he always comes back to me.
At the end of the day,
all that matters
is that we love
and support each other.
Damn.
I wish Tony was like that.
One of our biggest
fights was about...
-paninis.
-Huh?
I'm sorry. Deets, please.
Tony kept saying
he was going to the gym.
Then one day I get an alert
on my card
for paninis at Pedro's.
Tony and I love Pedro's.
I was so excited
for Pedro's paninis,
but he got home
for dinner and...
nothing.
I have never policed
what he was buying,
but I know
he bought two paninis.
I know it.
I started to spiral
and then I...
I snapped.
"Where are the paninis, Tony?
What did you do
with the paninis?"
What did he say?
He called me insane.
Said I was overreacting,
that I didn't trust him.
But I knew he ate
those paninis with someone.
And look what happened!
Now I'm sure
he's eating Pedro's paninis
every day with Jenny.
Look, I just wanna say
I totally witnessed you
on the whole panini situation.
But I was wondering,
have you ever talked to Tony
-about it after?
-No.
-Why?
-No. No reason.
None.
What?
It just seems like
every Tony story involves...
avoiding feelings.
-That's all.
-Just little bit.
You guys do not know
what it's like.
Every time I tried to have
a normal
couple's conversation with him,
he said I was using
my shrink powers on him.
I'd never bring up issues,
because he would get
so defensive.
So, do you ladies
know what you want?
I'll have a tall glass of you.
A carafe of mimosas for one.
You know,
I have a break coming up
if you wanna join me for a...
cigarette.
I don't smoke
-because it's gross.
-Mm.
But for you, I'll secondhand it.
Great.
Can't wait.
-Get it, girl.
-He didn't even take our order.
Hey, sir? Sir?
He'll come back.
Oh!
Wow.
Guys, I--
I feel--
I feel a little emotional.
That was-- it was really--
it really got me.
-Okay. You okay?
-Yeah. I'm okay.
Okay, 'cause
where the hell is Wendy?
It's been over an hour.
We have a schedule
to keep, people.
-Hello?
-What--
Oh, yeah, I can talk.
-Who are you talking to?
-Shh.
Oh, you vixen-blixen.
Yeah!
Thanks for the workout.
-Can I get your number?
-Oh, I don't think so.
I'm a drifter, baby.
A tumbleweed blown in the wind.
Try to forget about me.
- Okay.
- Sexy!
Did you get it in? Deep?
Yes. I need to know everything.
I want-- I want all the details.
Did you lick his stash?
What did it smell like?
Oh, look at you.
- Sorry.
- Peacocking.
I just had to do
a little victory lap there.
-It was so good.
-Yes.
What are we talking about?
Infiltrate.
Assess.
And secure the bag.
I don't know.
I'm just not good at deception.
Oh, my little jumping
cholla cactus.
You can do this. Think about us.
How are we gonna pay
for my gluteal transplants?
-Oh, yeah.
-And your yarn business.
I do wanna sell colorful
yarn tapestries full time.
And I want that for you,
my mini Mojave.
Now giddy up.
-My dogs are barking.
-I need a shower.
Does anyone need to use
the bathroom first?
I need to drop
the kids off at the pool.
-Huh?
-Who had 26 hours?
-I had 25.
-I had 18.
What are you talking about?
-Venmoed.
-Thank you.
-Done.
-Me too.
I won the side bet
to see how long you would go
without talking about poop.
I do not talk
about poop that much.
Says the person
who talks about poop every day.
You were constantly
talking about
your bowel movements in college.
You know,
I didn't mind that much.
It made me feel better
about my two-a-days.
Thank you. Well, whatever.
I do not have anything to hide.
Now, if you excuse me,
I'm going to take
a huge, satisfying...
I'm taking a big shit.
-There it is.
-Dropped a deuce.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Diego says we're in the running
to get the Monroe House
for our wedding!
Oh, my God!
I don't know what that is.
Yay!
What good news have you brought?
I sense a positive energy.
- What the fuck?
- Where did she even come from?
Thanks.
Um, I didn't wanna say anything
when Xan was around,
but this is, like, the place.
Oh, my God, Iz,
just tit up and tell her.
Who gives a shit
if Tony's the best man?
She's your best friend.
She'll understand.
Oh, yeah.
She'll totally understand.
-Yeah.
-Who?
Xan, Tony's her ex.
And you know what?
Never mind. It doesn't matter.
Okay, I will, but...
you saw her today, right?
She needs a fun weekend.
-One more day of not--
-It's your funeral.
Monroe House is so pretty.
Thanks.
I am having so much fun
planning my wedding.
Oh, weddings
are such a blessing.
Oh, yes.
Oh, we are gonna celebrate.
-I have just the right crystal.
-Don't touch me.
Do any of you have
anything to add,
like, say,
stacks of cash, or...?
Hey!
-Do you need something?
-Well, no, I just--
I saw you guys
having so much fun
and I just wanted to be a part--
Then go.
If you have anything,
I'll be right next door.
Toodles!
Do you think she's okay,
like, mentally?
Hard to tell.
I think it is time.
Here you are, my lady.
Thank you, madam.
-What the hell's happening?
-I have no fucking idea.
You two. Shh!
State your positivity mantra.
Life doesn't have to be
perfect to be wonderful.
It could be messy
and unpredictable
and full of joy.
I am whole.
I am free.
Good, now channel
all of your feelings
into that feather.
And when you're ready,
let it go.
-Is that it?
-Wendy, zip it!
Xan must now let go
of all the negativity
she partook in,
or was passive about,
through a series of shouts
peppered with swears.
Feel free to join her
if you like.
Oh, I can totally get into that.
Fuck you, Tony.
Yeah. Fuck your face.
Fuck CrossFit and fuck Jenny,
and fuck your stupid
custom designer jeans.
They make your hips
look like birthing hips.
Yeah. Fuck your hips!
Um, okay. Yeah.
That's-- that's good.
But, um, I meant
more like behaviors.
Like, uh--
Fuck your inability
to confront anyone!
Or, uh, own up to my part!
-Own up to my part?
-Just a suggestion.
Okay, um--
Fuck you for cheating on me.
You broke us. You quit.
You were unhappy.
I deserved more.
That is good. That's good.
Establishing
the relationship is good.
But maybe...
embrace the part you played
in the relationship too.
Okay. Got it.
Fuck you for making me
lose trust in everyone.
I wish I could go back
to not being sad all the time.
And I wish that things
could just go back to normal.
What? What am I doing wrong now?
You're just not really
following the prompt.
Just own up to your part.
Oh, and you two
would do it better?
Yeah, actually, I think I would.
You know, I'm not gonna
say anything 'cause I'm sensing
it would
only make things worse.
Right. Right.
Ren, do you wanna get divorced?
No, because someone would
actually have to love you first.
-You know what? Fuck you!
-Mm-hmm.
And Samantha, how about you stop
trying to control
everything that I do
and just mind
your own business
-for once.
-That's not fair.
I'm better at business
than you are.
What is not fair
is Tony leaving me.
Heard this record before.
Okay. Okay.
I am the one
that got cheated on.
So-- so why the fuck
do I have to own up to anything?
Because no one cheats
for no reason!
-Oh.
-Stop always playing the victim.
Maybe Tony cheated,
because you never communicate
how you're feeling.
You never stand up for anything.
Not even yourself.
You're a therapist.
Own your shit!
Damn, that's a little
harsh for me, Iz.
Well, you know what
I want you to do with the money?
Go see a therapist.
Or a counselor. Something.
Stop, stop it.
You think
you have all the answers,
but you don't.
You think that
everything is just going to
magically go back to normal.
-Yes, it will.
-No, it won't.
You're a different person now,
and that's okay.
But you have to acknowledge
that things in your life
are changing.
Oh, my God.
It's been almost a year.
When Diego and I are married,
I want us to be able to talk
and support each other.
Well, you'd have to
get married first,
so don't hold your breath.
Damn. What the fuck?
What? What am I missing, ladies?
- Nothing.
- Forget it.
Forget-- forget it.
Forget I said anything. Okay?
Let's just go back down the hill
and-- and relax and stop moping.
Moping. I'm not moping.
You're a huge moper.
-You're moping.
-Yeah.
Yeah. You know what?
I'm done with this.
Okay. Xan, wait.
Okay, wait. Let's talk.
Don't follow me.
Just give me some space.
Okay, we'll be, like,
a hundred yards behind you.
Nope.
-Well, that fucking sucked.
-I know.
And--
You know,
I feel worse and stressed
and you guys aren't helping.
Oh, my God.
You were coddling her.
We can't all be as blunt as you.
Well, you should have
just told her right then.
Bourbon?
You know, Wendy, not everything
is bettered by booze.
Most things
are better with booze.
Oh, Is-- Isabella.
How do you know
about?
I'm not moping.
She's a big mopey mopester.
I'm fine.
-Hello, dark sister.
-Jesus! You scared me.
I've been waiting for you.
-Tea?
-I'm too annoyed for tea.
I would like
to offer you a gift.
I don't get a lot of
visitors in the desert.
And you've been so warm,
welcoming.
And it seems like
all of your friends,
just, you guys love
and enjoy each other so much.
Please take my gift.
I'm certainly
not enjoying them right now.
It's like, can't they just
unconditionally support me
without pushing me to do things
that make me feel uncomfortable?
-Totally.
-I don't fight for things.
I fight for stuff. What is this?
Herbs, spices.
That's it. Drink it all.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Oh, no. Amara, no.
-Please sit.
Yeah, sit.
Listen, bud.
We've had a really weird
couple of days.
Okay? A feeder shrimp
almost murdered me.
Mm-hmm. And there's been
a bit of tension.
Oh, I sensed it.
-You hold it in your breasts.
-My breasts?
-Mm-hmm.
-Like a tension bra.
I would like to give Xan
and all of you a gift.
Yeah. I want it.
I-- I want the gift. Yes.
It won't take long, I promise.
I need everyone to join hands.
Close your eyes.
Oh, great desert spirit.
We call upon to thee
for your endless power.
What's up, it's your girl Amara.
We call upon you to free Xan
from our ex-husband, Tommy.
-Tony.
-Tony, yes.
Release her
from Tony's spiritual shackles.
Release her from his clutch.
Release her!
Shh. Girls.
-Hey, I need everyone to focus.
-Shh. Girls.
Xan.
Release yourself.
How?
Re, re, re, re.
Re, re, re, re, re, re.
Release yourself!
Okay.
Okay.
There.
You are cleansed.
Yay!
-That was it?
-Yes.
That's it.
Don't you feel better?
I do actually feel better.
Thank you.
Because happiness is contagious.
Love is contagious.
And maybe by...
-Isabella's wedding...
-Oh, shit.
...you'll have
a new love of your own.
Isabella's wedding?
-Mm-hmm. To Aiego.
-Diego.
What? What's she talking about?
Uh, I...
I'm engaged.
I'm engaged. It just happened.
Engaged?
This is brand new information.
It's so wonderful.
Oh, thank you.
Yes.
Everyone knows before me?
I didn't wanna
overshadow your weekend.
So you make me the fool?
Amara-- Amara knows before me.
I'm not a baby that you have to
hide things from.
I was trying to protect you.
I'm supposed to be
your best friend.
Am I even invited
to your wedding?
Of course. Of course, you are.
We have been through
so much together. Okay?
Boyfriends, promotions, moving.
And...
...you were the first
person I wanted to see
when my mom died.
And you're so important to me.
I wasn't planning on
doing this like this.
Oh, Iz, no.
Girl, read the room.
But I was wondering
if you would be
my maid of honor.
Well, that's great.
Well, it is time to end
this bullshit woo woo mantra.
-Xan, wait!
-Isabella, get in that RV
right now
and tell her you're sorry.
I-- Well,
she just needs a minute.
You guys, that is
her contained sadness walk.
I've said it a million times.
This is not good.
-Get in there.
-Oh, we're too late.
Now!
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know it was a secret.
No, no. It's okay.
I'm just gonna-- Yep.
I'm just gonna
light that sage, honey.
-Yep.
-You get the away
-evil devil spirits.
-Ooh. Yep.
Do you have any weed?
-Not the time.
-I do. I do.
Or-- okay. Maybe it is the time.
Xan, hey.
I'm sorry. Can we talk?
I am good. Really.
It was inevitable, right?
You guys are gonna be
really happy together.
I didn't wanna
overshadow your weekend.
Of course, not.
And you know what?
You are right.
This is my weekend.
And you know who I don't
wanna spend this weekend with?
You!
-Where are you going?
-I'm leaving
because apparently my friends
have been lying to me
and talking behind my back
and trying to get me
to sleep with random dudes
or-- or like telling me
what to do with my finances.
Half is better than zero.
See, meddling.
This is Tony's fault.
No. Bringing
a hundred thousand dollars
into the desert is crazy.
And that's not Tony's fault.
That's your fault.
No, it's his fault.
Look, I really think
that you should set up--
-This is insane.
-Long term care.
Seriously.
Can you take
responsibility for anything?
No.
This might not be
the time to bring this up
or it might be the perfect time.
But I gave Xan
the gift of clarity.
-Amara, leave us alone!
-Okay.
But she's probably
got about five minutes
before the drugs kick.
Don't tell her what to do.
But wait, what?
-What you're talking about?
-You drugged her?
The-- the herbs and spices tea?
Mm-hmm. Herbs are mushrooms,
spices are mushrooms.
Jesus, you drink anything
from this grifter?
-She is sketch even for me.
-Come on, Xan.
-You know better.
-What were you thinking?
Xan. Xan! Xan!
I got her. I got her.
I don't got her.
-I am a little overserved again.
-Jesus, Wendy. Okay.
Do any of you have
experience with psychedelics?
I don't know why I'm asking.
I'm gonna go do it.
No, I'll go.
She's mad at me.
I'm just gonna get
a jacket before I go
running around
in the desert at night.
-God, Iz, I told you not to--
-Don't!
You'll make me feel worse.
No. Hey, Iz.
-Holy shit!
-Oh, we stumbled into something.
We know you've got tons of cash.
Hand it over
and you won't get sliced!
Ah, Ezekiel, come on. We've
already seen your genitals.
Amara, you too?
Sorry, earth sister.
But custom small batch dyed
yarn tapestries aren't cheap.
Stop talking!
Where's the money?
What money?
My hard earned drag money?
-You can't have it.
-I am not playing around!
-Give us the cash.
-Oh, that's a really big knife.
Please don't hurt us.
Ezekiel we'll give
you whatever you want.
Just calm down.
I heard you talking about it.
Where's the money?
Um, we don't actually know
where the money is.
Only Xan does.
I know you're lying.
You better get her here now.
I am 30.
Alone.
My friends hate me.
Who's ever gonna love me?
Oh.
I didn't even try to save us.
-You don't have to do this.
-Where is it?
So disappointed in you.
Hey. Hey. You want a corgi?
It's on me.
I want the money.
And the corgi.
We don't know
where the money is.
Only Xan does.
We have to find her.
She is on drugs and she's alone.
I hope she's okay.
Hey, Ren.
If we're gonna die,
I'm glad it's with Nedward.
I'm gonna need
a lot of therapy after this.
Take this feather. Let it go.
My friends.
My friends. My friends.
My friends.
My friends. My friends.
You know, I really did think
you gals were fun.
-Shut up, Amara.
-Hey!
You shut up you Yelp princess.
Yelp princess?
What are you gonna do?
You're gonna tie up four women?
People will be looking for us
by tomorrow morning.
Yep, well, we-- we--
we'll be gone by tonight
off to Juarez, Mexico
to live with.
We're gonna have little babies
and they're gonna have
little babies
and they're gonna name her Wendy
and then we're gonna--
Look, everyone. It's a sign.
- A feather.
- What the fuck?
-Is that Xan? Is she okay?
-She's definitely not okay.
She's holding a bloody feather
and I'm pretty sure
she's peeking.
-Been there.
-You.
You better give us
that a hundred thousand dollars.
You know what?
No.
You think
you can come in here and lie
and cheat and do
whatever the hell you want.
I don't think so.
I am not sitting here
and taking this.
I do not deserve this.
You don't get to dictate
what I do with that money.
And I will be damned
if I worked this hard,
this hard for some
scumbag husband...
-Husband?
-...to take it from me.
I'm not giving you shit, Tony.
Now!
-Ezekiel.
-Hey, desert sister.
Ooh!
My heart sickens!
You little bitches!
Hey, you don't
get to call us bitches.
Only friends can call us that.
Now, get outta here.
Marmar. Marmar.
Marmar, we gotta get--
we gotta get--
May the night spirits
caress your slumber.
Be blessed.
Let's get out of here.
We're done.
We did it!
How long do mushrooms last?
- Couple more hours.
- Oh God.
Why didn't we just stay here?
- That's so bad.
- Just look at the sky.
- Your hands are so big.
- Just look at the sky.
Also your hands are bloody.
- Please don't touch anyone.
- Oh, wow.
It's absolutely
fucking ridiculous.
You guys, I'm so jacked up on
adrenaline from that tit punch.
Did you see it?
I've always
loved your tit punches.
Again, my treat because
of the, you know, bag of money.
Whatever. I can't believe
I'm wheeling my own suitcase.
They just need some time
to decompress.
Things will be better
in the morning.
-Are we okay?
-I don't know. Are we?
I was trying to protect you.
I don't need shielding.
Okay, great.
Fuck!
Please sit.
What's with the, uh, formality?
-Oh.
-Oh, God.
Someone help her. For God sake.
-You got-- Oh, no.
-She's gonna--
-I'm okay. I got it.
-Oh, okay.
-You got it?
-You doing okay, Iz?
-Yeah. I'm okay.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
-Okay.
Okay. Thank you all for coming.
I rented out
the entire spa for the day.
Why can't we just
talk this out like adults?
Well, apparently,
because we are incapable.
-What's with the candle?
-I thought it was cool.
-It's very dramatic.
-Shut it.
I will blow out
this ceremonial candle
at the end and then
we can all get massages.
-Mmm.
-Or...
No! Okay.
I thought you would do that.
You little smart ass.
My prickly pear Ren.
So I know we could
not go to the sound bath.
So I brought this
bronze singing bowl.
The guy that sold it to me
was really fricking weird,
but he said it would
cleanse my chakras, so.
Oh, my God, Iz. Our itinerary.
I would like to finish
the resurrection ceremony.
What the--
Singing. Singing.
Singing bowl.
It's a singing bowl.
I really am trying.
I know it takes two people
to start a relationship
and two to end one.
I was passive and scared.
And I didn't fight for anything.
So, I am divorced
and I own up to my part.
Not just Tony's.
Wow. That's really great.
And I know that things
cannot get back to normal,
but what does
normal mean anyways?
Selling corgis?
I actually do
snakes now too, so.
Oh, wow.
Uh, documenting the world?
Winning the most cases?
Or marrying a really great guy
while your best friend
stands up at your wedding.
I'm talking about me.
I'm your best friend.
I know.
And I don't care that
Tony will be at the wedding.
In fact, I hope that someday
I will not care
about Tony at all.
Yeah, fuck Tony
and his tiny penis.
Uh-huh. Fuck him.
But when I was at my lowest,
I knew that
all you gals were just, uh,
a phone call or a meme
or an inappropriate emoji away.
And, um,
that means everything to me.
Oh, my God.
Hmm.
Yeah, I did think
this was gonna float in
like a cool and mysterious way.
Yeah, that's what I thought
the first time.
And I've been thinking about it
and I'm going to start
going to therapy.
Thank God.
Baruch HaShem
As my people would say, dayenu.
-Dayenu, my child.
-Oh my God. What did she say?
Yeah. I could really use
someone neutral to talk to.
Xan, we love you.
I love us.
Aw, me too.
-Me three.
-Same, I guess.
Can I just say something?
-Really quick.
-Mm-hmm.
That feather is disgusting.
Feathers in general
are disgusting.
That feather in particular
is especially disgusting.
You should throw it away
or burn it or bury it.
And also wash your hands.
And also, I love you so much.
Iz, I need that wipey
that you offered from before.
Oh, you want the wipey now, huh?
It smells like death.
24, 25,
$26,032.
And 17 cents.
Oh, guys, we should have
treated ourselves
with that second shrimp buffet
when we had the chance.
What the hell am I going to do
with $26,000?
No! Absolutely not.
No. No way. No.
Oh, yeah baby.
This better be
the best glass of wine
I've ever had in my life.
Cheers to the greatest friends
a girl could ask for.
To the pirate wine.
Yarr !
Yarr!
Nope. Absolutely not.
Fucking cinnamon lime again?
-Mine's good.
-Ugh!
This tastes
like grandmother's piss.
Pirate grandmother's piss.
Why do you wanna drink piss?
It's expensive.
Ugh. Thank God.
This is us.
-Bye.
-Oh, Sam.
Happy divorce!
That's right.
Did you hear that?
I am single and ready to mingle.
-Uh, sir.
-Yeah. You still got it, girl.
Yeah, he def wants this.
That was great.
You know, that was kinda hot.
And the next time
we will all be together
will be for
Isabella's bachelorette.
Oh, my God. Vegas.
I know so many
strippers in Vegas.
One call from me and boom,
stripper city.
And I think John is still
DJing and he will hook us up.
-Okay?
-Who's John?
You know, he sang "Get Low."
I-- I'm so sorry.
Do you mean Little John?
That's not
what his friends call him.
-How do you know Little John?
-Oh, my God.
She's literally fucked everyone.
It's actually incredible.
It does help though
with like hookups.
No, I'm worried
about her safety.
- It's bad.
- Hey, look.
I did wanna tell you, before
you go, my tender peach...
-Mm-hmm.
-...that I will take
two of those long boy hamsters
and you can throw
in some snakes too.
-Are you serious?
-I am very serious.
- Are you serious?
- I'm deadly serious.
- You serious?
- Deadly.
Oh, you've never supported
my businesses before.
Okay, let's go.
This feels really irresponsible.
Ren, get my bag.
I got your bag.
I gotta go. I'm too excited.
Holy shit!
I'm not ready.
My pants are all the way down.
-Four, two, four.
-Second stick.
Hello, kind eyes.
- Are we rolling?
- Okay. And...
You smell like a shrimp buffet.
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
You smell like a taco bar.
Well, you smell great.
Little blowing.
I would like to offer you...
a damn semi.
You smell like a urinal cake.
Or in the president's
establishment room.
What am I saying?
Is this feeling right?
Oh, fuck!
I don't know what I'm saying.
Fuck, that was so good too.
Shit balls.
I think it's so tight.
-Do you want take that again?
-Yes, I would.
I didn't wanna say anything.
Oops.
That's my other line.
When Tony--
that's not my husband.
That's your husband.
Disappointed.
Is it soft or better?
'Cause you can't solve
a.
All right. Sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Give me a stand your ground.
Give me a-- Give me a--
I'm certainly not
enjoying them right now.
Are you trying to say
you wanna get double penetrated?
Because I feel like
I can't do that anymore.
I can't--
Damn it!
My oven is not big enough
for two eggplants.
Did she get double penetrated?
By Ricardo.
Two eggplants in the oven.
-I could go on.
-Well...
Okay. It better be.
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