중대재해법_우지원

[질홍칭구]

<Disagree with the Serious Accident Punishment Act>

The ruling and opposition parties are discussing ways to delay the application of the Serious Disaster Penalty Act (SAPA) for the companies with fewer than 50 employees for two years. SAPA imposes criminal liability against business owners or executives who fail to ensure the safety of their business operations. This migt buy times for small and medium-sized companies, but the law should not be handled in such a way and should never be taken lightly when this could affect the whole industrial ecosystem, puts inncenet people in jeopardy, and most importantly,  and does not show definite effect.

First of all, once the law is enacted, this could affect the whole industrial ecosystem. In small and medium-sized enterprises, they rely heavily on individual owners for general management. The absence of an owner can jeopardize the life of a company. There are 830,000 workplaces with fewer than 50 employees nationwide. Most of them are core companies that are holding out at the bottom of the industrial ecosystem. If these companies that produce parts and materials used throughout the manufacturing industry shut down, this will not only effect the industry but also Korea as whole.

Moreover, the act, which imposes at least one year in prison for corporate CEOs, executives, and major shareholders if somone dies or two or more people are severly wounded in an industrial accident, can imprision innocent people. The act includes “authorities who oversee the business” as the subject of punishment, meaning major shareholders who had not much power of managing the company can also take the blame. Meanwhile, if an accident occurs at a site of subcontractor, the management team of main contractor and their major shareholders are still held accountable.

Most importantly, the effectiveness of preventing accident itself is questionable. Over the past year, when the law was appled to workplaces with more than 50 employees, both victims and deaths caused by industrial accidents and deaths have increased. Last year, the death toll increased from 248 to 256. The number of deaths from 10 major construction companies was 25, five more compared to the previous year. If more sizeable enterprises did not see much change, it will be the same for smaller companies and rather be more burden to those companies

After examing the reasons this eassy concldes that the law, which has unclear preventive effects and excessively discourages businessmen, should be completely revised or abolished.

414 words 

[송정현]

전체적으로 깔끔하고 술술 잘 읽혔습니다. 다만 걱정이 되는 건 논술이 너무 한 쪽 입장만 조명을 맞춰 너무 주관적인 에세이를 빚춰질 수 잇을 것 같습니다. 길이가 414자라 조금은 짧은 감이 있으니 노동계 입장도 한 문단 정도 넣어주시면 논술이 조금은 더 밸런스가 잡히고 현안에 대해 더 잘 알고 있다는 사실을 보여줄 수 있을 것 같습니다

[UNGP]

영어가 한국어를 따라간다는 인상을 부분부분 받았습니다. collocation 이 조금 더 매끄러워지면 좋을 것 같습니다. 구체적인 수치가 나와 글이 디테일해서 좋았습니다. 잘 읽었습니다.

[조혜윤]

2문단
- 산업생태계의 핵심으로서 중소기업 언급이 좋았습니다! 제가 이해하기로 이 문단의 핵심은 "중재법에 의한 관리자/매니지먼트 처벌은 오히려 이들의 부재로 이어져 산업에 영향을 끼칠 수 있다" 인 것 같은데, 이 논리가 더 명확하게 서술되면 좋을 것 같아요. 예컨대 사례를 드는식으로

3문단
- 제시하신 논거가 좋았습니다! '책임 주체의 모호성'이 과중 처벌로 이어질 수 있다는 설명이 첫문장에 들어가면 좋을 것 같아요

고생많으셨습니다! 잘 읽었습니다 :)

[김정후]

제목으로 논지를 명확히해주신 점이 좋았습니다. 글의 진행 방식도 깔끔해서 요지를 파악하기 쉬웠습니다. 다만 정현님말씀처럼 노동계 입장도 추가되면 좋을 것 같습니다. 반론이 들어오기 쉬운 구조라 재반박용 문단이 있으면 더욱 안전한 글이 될 것 같습니다!