The issue of children’s reliance on the technology has prompted a new debate. A sizable percentage of people assert that playing simple [비교급 들어가야 해요. simpler] toys or playing outside with friends would be better for childern.[단어 잘 쓰시고] Nevertheless, some other people strongly disagree with the above idea. I am likely to be tippying [스펠링 체크] the latter idea.; [마침표 대신에 : 사용하는거에요]adaptation to technology and a large relationship.
First of all, the primary argument for this is that children’s use of technology helps adaption to modern society. [연결어] In the ever-more-complicated world, the range of technology is used has widen. [the range of technology has been widened] For example,[여기에 쓰면 안되는거 아닌가?] in my case,[둘 중에 하나면 사용하세요.] when i [나는 항상 대문자] went to theater, [명사는 항상 앞에 관사가 붙거나, 복수형으로 처리] I first saw automatic dispenser. I was not very familiar with the machine. So I failed to buy a ticket. But after a few times to use them, i can use it well. If i had not used that machine, I could not have learned one of the necessary lessons in life-Familiarity with technology helps the adaptation to technology. [OFF] 논제는 아이들의 발달을 위해서 다 만들어진 장난감 가지고 노는게 좋으냐-생각할 거리가 적은거-수동적인거, 아니면 그냥 단순한 장난감 가지고 놀거나, 애들하고 노는게 -능동적인거 -좋으냐 에요.
Secondly, the added cause demonstrates that childer’s use of technology helps a large relationship. To explain, some might say that playing outside helps children make good relationship. However, you cannot deny that using technology helps children make more wider relationship. To be specific, using internet can connect other countries. So children can communicate with foreign friend.
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SCORE: o out of 5