Hi Heaven's Kevin 💙
I got home from work a little over an hour ago, and I have been trying to start this letter for some time now but I start crying every other minute haha 💙 I'm going to hold Beelson as I write this, cause I keep on crying haha 💙
I remember when I first opened fancafe back in late 2018/early 2019. It was the first time I used this website. Ever since I was a child I always had fun write cards and letters to people, and I would always put a lot of time and thoughts into every word I wrote. Friends and family would get pages long letters for their birthdays, because I found it difficult to stop writing even when there was no space left. Words could bring forward such meaningful and warm messages, and a letter could really put a smile on someone's face. I always kept that in mind growing up.
So when I first started on fancafe, I knew this would be a good place to write a lot of heartwarming, sweet messages 💙 And that's why I always look for the right time to write, so I can put my entire heart and soul into every word 💙
The time I started to use fancafe, was also around the time I heard about the hardships you were facing and the worries you were going through. I remember my first thought was "I need to write some encouraging words to him, I need to let him know things will be okay, and that he can work his way through this, because he is a good person, with a good heart". Looking back at the old letters I wrote to you, I found one named "Some Warm Words" which was written when you guys got your first win with Bloom Bloom. I remember from that day, I was watching the vlive after you heard about the win, and seeing you all cry made me cry a lot too. So now I am going to quote myself a bit here because I thought this paragraph was very sweet 💙
"So during the hardships you go through, remember this moment. Remember what you felt during this moment, when you heard "THE BOYZ GOT 1ST WIN". Because it was a sign of something good. It is a light that can guide your way to the path of your dreams. And no matter how tough things can be, remember TheB will always support you and cheer for you. We are so proud of you and happy to see you smile, and we want to see that cute smile you have 24/7" - Helle 19.05.07
This letter has always been one of the most important letters to me, because that day was such a big day for you guys, and I felt so many emotions while writing those words for you 💙
Through these letters I can share words of support, but also advice on how to handle things in life. In these letters I have put a lot of time and love, and my main focus has always been to make sure you were doing well and feeling loved and supported 💙
When I heard your cover today, I started crying right away 💙 I listened to it after reading some of the translations of your universe messages from earlier, and I was already feeling so emotional haha 💙 Your cover was truly so beautiful, and I could hear through your voice how much this song means to you. I have decided to listen to it on repeat while I write this letter for you, and every 2 seconds I start crying haha 💙 You really have done an amazing job, and I can truly feel that you have put your entire heart and soul into this 💙 I am proud of you! 💙 (Also amazing video editing here Mr. Moon. Loving the transitions between the clips, perfect pacing for the song as well).
I remember back in 2020 during rtk. When I saw you got hurt, it really worried me. It has been a while now so you probably don't remember, but during RTK recordings I had a chance to video call with you guys. During my conversation with you I asked you about the leg, because I was worried, and I remember you told me it was getting better. Hearing you talking about it today, and how much stress you felt after your injury made me cry a lot. I had a feeling you were going through a hard time at that time, and especially with the injury that things would be more stressful. And now I am crying again help haha. Emergency hug from Beelson so I can keep on writing haha.
I am so thankful that you feel ready to be open about it with us now, and that you feel ready to share it, because it must have been a lot for you to go through. Especially rtk was a time with a lot of stress and hard work, and I know how much time and effort you put into the stages. I am so happy to hear you are feeling a lot better now and doing better. But it really must have been a lot to go through, and my heart aches hearing about it. I really wish I could give you the biggest hug 💙
One of the other reasons why I have been writing a lot of long letters, have been because of the comfort and safety I felt from them. During high school I was going through a lot of depression, but never got any help for it. And when I graduated in late spring 2017 I wasn't feeling very well. Moving away I thought that I could run away from a lot of pain, but I realised I still carried it with me all the way. My mental health was never that good, and it was often heavy on my shoulders. In 2019 I started going to therapy to get better, but things had to get worse before it could get better (you need to be exposed to the pain that you surpress in your mind), and I was going through a very hard time through the fall of 2019. In 2020 I too thought I was ready to step away from the pain and mental health problems, but my depression and anxiety was worse than ever, and I noticed that a lot at the end of the year. When I got back home to Norway, and noticed I actually had no dream or wishes for what I wanted to do next, I decided to go to a therapist again, and I have been going to her weekly for the past 1 and a half year. Things are a lot better now. I keep on saying it is becuase I have gotten older, but I think deep down that it is mainly due to my own inner work 💙 When I started writing my letters to you I found a lot of comfort in it, because all of a sudden writing down my thoughts and feelings felt easier than ever. I often had a hard time putting my own personal feelings into words, but through these letters it felt safer and more comfortable. And I noticed that, that even if I was struggling, I still got better and better at sharing how I felt through words, and on my path to growth that helped me a lot. Writing to you made me feel very happy, and it was something I looked forward to every single week. Writing to you gave me a lot of strength when I was anxious and when I was having a hard time. Writing to you really meant a lot to me, and every word I wrote came directly from my heart 💙 I remember one of the letters I spent the most hours on was the one I wrote about your Generation Z interview, because when I heard the interview it made me feel a lot of emotions. I wanted to give you words of encouragement, while I also felt how much I could relate to your words.
Being your fan has taught me so many things in life, and I am so grateful for everything. You have motivated me when I was feeling low, but you have also helped me feel more happy with who I am, and comfortable with my identity and what I love doing. You have been one of the biggest motivations in my life, and you have been a really important part of my growth 💙 Having a rolemodel like you has really made me feel so much happier and stronger, and I am so thankful for the fact that I can share all of that here with you in a letter 💙
The other day I was watching a video about why it can be hard to figure out what your passion is, or what you want to do in life. The man in the video said that sometimes we aren't passionate about a concrete thing, but more the reason why that thing makes us happy. And then I understood it. I have never known what I wanted to do with my life, but after working in the student-tv last year, noticing how happy people got when they worked in a safer, more open and positive environment, I realised that one of the things I love the most is when I can encourage others to believe in themselves and feel safe to grow as people. When I get older I want to be that person for people, the kind of person I wish I had in my life when I was younger. Whether it is through being a leader, or teacher or counselor etc. I am happy as long as I can motivate people. I noticed people feel so much happier when they can safely share ideas and feel like their efforts are seen. And I noticed with myself that if I work with a field I like, but then help people grow in that field, wow, that sounds like a dream job haha. I noticed I didn't actually have one dream job, I am just happy if I can help others reach their dreams and feel seen. And I am bringing it up here because I have found this strength to help others because of you. Because of you, I have felt safer to be myself and follow my dreams and do what I love, and now I can focus on doing that for others too. In 8th grade my teacher made me watch a movie called "Pay it Forward", and I thought the movie was so sweet and good. Because when we help someone, they will then be able to help someone else another time, and then together we can help all the people around us. I thought that was very sweet 💙
I have written a lot today. I am just so thankful that you wanted to open up to us today, because I know it is probably a memory that has been difficult to think about, but knowing you were ready to open up, means that you have worked through those feelings 💙 And thank you once more for sharing your cover with us 💙
You did well today, Kevin 💙 I am forever proud of you, and you mean more to me than you probably know 💙 Being able to be your fan, and cheer for you and watch you grow has meant so so much to me, and I am just so happy to see you smiling, being confident. Just you singing along to songs on vlive and having so much energy is really making me so happy. I am so happy to see you doing well and just being you, and once again so so proud of you 💙 You are an amazing person, with such a big, warm heart, and you are a really important person to me 💙 Thank you for bringing me a lot of happiness and strength, you are good 💙
I will just start crying again if I keep on writing, so I think it is time to end this letter here. But again thank you, truly thank you from the bottom of my heart 💙 ilu 💙
- Helle 💙
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