sorry for this but... can you tell me what makes you want to live?

[aigerimysunshine]

i’ve been feeling worse these days. i do have a clinical depression and i’m on meds. i’m just starting so i have switched a lot of them so far. i feel like they do help, but after couple months everything just starts to go back to how it was. increasing dosages and when reaching the maximum switching to new ones. i oversleep to make my days shorter, i don’t get out of my room, sometimes don’t shower for couple weeks, skip lots of meals, sometimes don’t eat anything for days because getting off the bed is so hard for some reason.

i just graduated and now applying to jobs but you know how it is right now. all i do is that. i wake up if i wake up watch youtube, apply to dozen jobs for like an hour and go back to sleep, and then sleep and sleep and sleep. i don’t talk to my friend i’m living with at all too.

i feel like no matter what nothing will change. no matter what meds i have since i am the problem it won’t help. it’ll keep going back to where i was. not moving forward. because i’ve lost the will to live. to be honest i don’t understand why people want to live. why people are so excited to wake up in the morning? what’s so good about life?! i don’t get it. i have nothing to look forward to. everyday is the same. i don’t want to wake up. so i sleep. to make the day go by faster. i do feel lonely. a lot. but don’t want to bother others with my problems cause i know it don’t matter to them. and it’s not like they have to care either. and it’s not like i want them to be concerned or worried about my problems. want to date but nobody wants to date a depressed person, i mean can’t blame them. i don’t know. it’s my fault i guess.

but can you tell me why you live? what’s your motivation to wake up in the morning? what makes you want to keep going? because i’m jealous of people who are happy and are living life with lots of love and affection from their loved ones.

[몬원엔온리뷰티플]

Hi there, hope you're doing well~
I actually lead a pretty boring and lazy life too.. similar to you in some ways, just keep sleeping because dreaming seems better than waking up to my real life. I feel embarrassed because I still havn't graduated from university yet despite my age. And even before quarantine, I seldom even get out of my apartment other than working ,I don't have a lot of friends to hangout with... I'm insecure of my looks and it stopped me from going out.. dramas that came at me out of nowhere...
The boys, they are really the ones that kept me ,my emotions, my life, intact.+

[몬원엔온리뷰티플]

Even with all that, I tell myself, I'm stronger than this, I count even the smallest things to be thankful for. Eventhough I havn't find out what I'm good at or wt I want to do in the future, I know that I feel good being able to help ppl. Also,I'm thankful for the all the people I met because of MX, they are from different places, age and occupations etc, I'm lucky cus everyone is nice and they listen to each other's stories and encourage each other when one of us is tired or sad. +

[몬원엔온리뷰티플]

Oh wait this interview of Jooheon brought me a lot of strength, let me translate it and share them with you:) also, would you like to join our monbebe groupchat?? Let me know!! I'll upload Jooheon's interview later🙈

[Midnyt3]

Hugs, understand MBB. I had to leave FC for awhile. Especially in these times been even harder. All my plans for 2020, gone. Even MX’s tour. Hard to look forward to anything right now. I find focusing on hobbies, writing, photography, any projects help to keep busy. Being online chatting with others from safety & comfort of your own home is nice. Takes a lot of courage to reach out or post about. Good first step and wish you better moments going forward. There’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone. 🥰