Hey, child! 💛💛💛
How are you? I hope this past week has been quite a nice one 💛
I also hope that you are enjoying this month so far with all the Christmass vibes 🎅🏼🔥
Personally, this is my favorite month, even though it is the hardest month of the year in most places, because you know, it's the peak of the year for the capitalist monster. However, I like it because it is when I get more opportunities to meet with my closest friends or with my family, also the food is so good, there are a lot of festivities and games, my birthday, etc.
This week I am going to hold a birthday party with my closest friends, so I realized that I have a lot of friends but there are only a few with whom I really vibe, ya know? The other day Andrea (from the office) asked me if I consider myself an introvert or an extrovert person, because she feels like I'm more introverted but that I socialize like an extrovert.
So she made me think about it.
A few moths ago I took the personality test and according to my results, I am an INFP-T. And yes, I can say that I'm more introverted than extroverted, however, due to the type of jobs I had, I have always been forced to speak with a lot of people and also my career is a career in which I have to communicate a lot because it is focused on the diplomatic part.
My mom has always told me that I am very good at communicating with people, that I always end up making friends everywhere. My aunt always says at the family gatherings that once it took me about 25 minutes at immigration because I was talking with the immigration officer. He asked me where did I learn English because he said my accent was almost native (only my accent because my writing is still very basic, me thinks lol) and then the conversation turned to food recipes and then about Korea lol
[I told him that my hack to have an almost native accent was to eat a hard candy while reading aloud in English, it actually helps a lot to have a better linguistic articulation(? No, I'm not speaking double sense lol]
Anyway, also during my first months as a waitress back then I was very afraid to approach and talk to the customers, I always spoke in a low voice and my boss always scolded me. I used to worry a lot about what customers would think of me and that was reflected a lot in my service because they could see how uncomfortable I felt talking to people, so the customers were even more rude and some of them didn't leave tip (you know the tip culture in America, at least here in Mexico the waiters live on what they earn from tips because the salary is veeery bad paid, sometimes not even the minimum).
My boss then, who is also my current boss, told me that if I wanted to go to Korea and fulfill my dreams I had to get rid of that fear (obviously it was convenient for him because that way I would sell more) and indeed, I began to get rid of my fear. I realized that the people were going to judge me anyway, so I started to hide my shyness.
Do you know a phrase that says “fake it until you believe it” or “fake it until you make it?”
I hadn't thought about this phrase until a few days ago when I compared my current self to how I was before. I remembered that some of my friends used to tell me to fake it until I believed it and I realized that most of the changes I did were because I was exposed to situations where I had to "fake it". Back then, if someone made comments about me I would look so fragile and on top of it I would take the comments seriously and then go around believing that everything they said about me was true. Now I just ignore them and when it's necessary I get in a defensive position and I don't let them get me anymore.
Through my life I went through several defensive stages:
1. I used to just ignore the comments and say anything.
2. I ignored the comments but defended myself when necessary.
3. I always defended myself but I had no filters of what I said so I made comments that were too much sometimes.
4. Now I ignore the comments when I think it's necessary, I get in a defensive position when I think it's necessary and I don't keep things for myself and speak 100% honestly, BUT having more control of what I say.
My coworkers tell me that I should be a risk adviser because I am always preventing conflicts at the office or predicting when a story or post is going to be controversial lol
Something that I am very grateful for was taking diplomacy classes at the university and although what I learned was focused on the intentional side, I realized that I could also apply it in my daily life with the people with whom I talk to everyday.
Anyways, I used to think that I was not intelligent and then I started to "pretend" and repeat to myself that I was intelligent until I realized that ideed I was intelligent lol
BUT, I think that what helped me the most was not having to “pretend” or "fake" that I was smart or a strong person or pretty, etc... Rather than "faking it until you believe it" what I was really doing was eliminating those negative comments that I had about myself from my head. More than "lying" to myself to be able to "pretend", what I was really doing was thinking true facts about myself and instead of thinking "why am I so weak and can't defend myself?", "what if it's true that I'm dumb?" or "I'm not really good at this, I can't do it" I began to think "I'm a pretty strong person", "I'm very intelligent", "I can do anything". And eventually, without realizing, I stopped being afraid of sharing my knowledge with people without worrying about whether they were going to question it. Also I started trying new things even tho I felt like I was still not ready for it because I know now that I'm completely capable of learning on the way and do a good job.
The thing we have to do is change that chip in our minds. The way you process things is the way your brain is going to take it, our brain is going to believe every word we say, for real.
For example, if I said that everything I've achieved has been thanks to having to "fake it" then it would be more hurtful and my brain would take it as everything I've done has been a complete lie, but it's not like that, it really was because I changed that chip, and when you change it, there is no need to "fake it" or "pretend" because you are starting to believe and trust in yourself and your abilities, right?
Anyways
Those are the the kind of thoughts that keep me awake lol
Going back to introverted Karen…
I think I'm still more of an introvert than an extrovert but with the difference that now I'm not that afraid of interacting with people and that's why it's not hard for me to do it anymore (but it doesn't mean that I prefer it). I still prefer to make simple plans with my closest friends, going out alone or spending my days at home. But sometimes it's hard because most of my friends are very extroverted and even though I know I can fit in with their friend groups too, it drains me a lot of energy tbh lol
I remember that before I returned to Mexico from Korea, I went to the club alone for the last time, and the next morning I had like 7 new contacts on my phone and I only remembered one of a friend from Indonesia with whom I got along the most. I remember she didn't want to be bothered and I had to pretend I was her girlfriend so men would stop bothering us 💃🏻
Honestly it was the first and the last time I went out clubbing alone. LOL
Anyway, I think the point for me was to find that balance between my introverted and extroverted side and set limits. If one day I don't want to go out and just be at home, that's fine. I used to force myself to go out because I felt bad to say no and I ended up draining all my social energy for the month in just one date lol
Anyways, all of this started because of my party, sorry lol
(At the end I only invited my closest friends just as my party last year lol)
Here are some photos from 2021 Karen's Fest:
Last party dress code was “outfit inspired in a celeb” lol you wouldn’t guess who I was 💀
It took us too long to guess who everyone was tbh
Anyways
At this point of the letter, I've finished this year's invitation, so I'm going to show it to you because I liked it:
Translation:
“Karen’s feathered texanas fest”
*party info*
We will have:
Snacks
DIY of texanas (bring your texana and your feathers)
Karaoke
Intense twerking
Hand reading (if Karen gets drunk af)
I feel like this invitation represents how socially awkward twerking butterfly I am. My friends know that I am very shy and serious but that I also like to mess around and be chaotic when the mood is right.
Tbh back then I didn't like to have birthday parties and now I'm the one who organizes the Christmas and New Year's family dinner and the one who organizes her own birthday parties lmao
This year I really didn't feel like doing anything but since it's my last birthday here with my friends in -I don't know many months or years-, I wanted to do something to make it more commemorative ✨
Anyways
This letter's teaching was: the importance of valuing and accepting who we are in order to have a better relationship with ourselves and likewise relate to others in a healthier way. In the end, people will always have something to say about us so we should be the best version of ourselves with which we feel most comfortable. You know how I think, I do my best at work, for example, and if they don't value my work then I'd rather be fired for not being what they expect me to be than being in a place where they don't even know how to value and appreciate the work of their employees. Same with people, if they don't like me the way I am that's fine, in the end, we're never going to meet people's expectations 100%, right?
So let's live being our best version of ourselves and stop worrying about what people might say and instead, let's focus on being more kind with ourselves, okay? 💛💛💛
Weekly compilation:
This is my favourite mexican breakfast, its valled “chilaquiles” it is tortilla with sauce, cream, some cheese, onion and and egg amd beans on the side 🤌🏻
TMI:
My mom went on vacation to Cancún last week so I had to cook the first days but since I wasn’t feeling so good the last days I decided to buy food from the restaurant. 🫠
The funny part about my mom’s trip is that she planned the whole trip for my birthday lmao
But as she didn’t ask me beforehand if I was able to take those days off from work I couldn’t go so she went there without me 🥹
Last week I couldn’t do a lot of things because I had a lot of work and also a lot of orders for Karimchi because some of my clients wanted to gift it as a christmass present to their frieds. So last week I wasn’t able to rest and I think I overworked myself, so I wasn't feeling very well
I’ll organise my time better next time so it won’t happen again 🥹
I’m totally fine now so don’t worry, I’ll recover my energy to clean the dance floor with my feet next Saturday for sure ✨
It was also worth it because I meet a lot of new clients and also one that told me she had a year waiting to come to my city to buy and try my products. She totally made my day and made me feel a way better 😭💖
Anywaysss
I saw you went to Japan, so I hope you had a safe flight there 🤍
Also I hope you have a good time there even if its for work purposes. Enjoy doing what you love to do! You will do amazing I’m sure of that 🔥
I have a few songs for this week and you can listen to them on the plane back to Korea or before to sleep, since apparently my song recoms are good to sleep 😂
Tbh these days as soon as I put my playlist on Spotify I fall asleep as soon as I sit on the bus lol
Weekly songs:
I’m always curious about what you might think about my song recs lol
My taste in music is so versatile tbh, I have playlist for every mood but I’ve mostly been listening to this kind of songs these dayss.
Ofc I don't only listen to these songs and even if I don’t share it here I also listen TBZ songs a lot 🤍
You are #1 as you should 🔥
Btw, in case you want to know the name of the song at my invitation, the name is “estilazo” by Tokischa but it’s E cont, child lmao
Anywayssss
I wanted to thank you because this week you came at the right time when I needed it the most. I missed you so bad tbh 🥹
Reading your PMs and watching the videos of you watching your own performances made my whole week lmao
My fave morning routine 🤍
Also thank you for the song recommendations, I always listen to them and add them to my playlist ✨
Aaand almost forgot to say it but I just started watching Wednesday and I’m currently at ep 5, so far so good. That’s actually the kind of series I like the most~ I’ll keep you updated once I finish it 💛
And again, I hope you have a amazing week and time in Japan~
I know I always say it but please take a lot of care and don’t overwork yourself. Give your body the rest it needs as much as you can 🥺 This season must be so tiring for you bc all of the preparations you have to do… I'll pray for your well-being everyday 🤍
[Like... God, please let Kevin be okay, okay? I rather be sick instead of him]
Anyways x38239
I love you soooo much, please remember that and also that you are always in my mind even in my busiest days 🥺 I might never say it but you can be sure that you're always there 💛
Te amo mucho mucho
💛💛💛
—Karen
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