Hola, mi niño 💛
How are you?
This week has been quite a chaotic and very tiring week for you, with all the events and all the preparations, right? If I had a way to help, I would do everything in my power to make your days more easy going...
I am also grateful to you because despite having a busy schedule these days, you gave us part of your time to do PM and even Vlive. Also I saw you are doing more things out of your routine, like the bead bracelets (which, by the way, are so prettyyy), etc.
I also have tried it before and I gifted some of the bead bracelets and rings to my work friends but then I realized that the color of the beads was cleaning off so quickly and even now I haven't been able to find a better quality of beads, so I stopped doing them lmao. I basically used them for at least four times, before the color came off...
Anyways
I've been thinking about you a lot this week, especially after what happened at the awards. Tbh since I saw the red carpet I knew something was off with you, but I didn't know exactly what it was until I saw the performance. Honestly my first reaction might have been scolding you for thinking that the performance was not good enough because for me it was more than that, but then I understood it a little bit more, because I know how frustrating it can be to not have enough time to prepare something when you have a lot of things to get done and you can't put enough time and effort into every single project as you'd like.
Sometimes we know that we can give even more of ourselves to make it all possible but external factors won't always let us to.
I get that frustration, especially for you, because I know these stages are very important, and even more when they are award shows.
As a fan I would tell you not to worry that I personally really liked the stage but in the end, what really matters is that you feel satisfied with what you did.
As a fan I can say "don't worry, you did well" but in the end, within your profession, details like these are very important and should not go unnoticed. I can’t even imagine how stressful and hard it must be for you...
I understand that it is part of it… I mean, the fact that sometimes you have to rehearse a looot with no rest... but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing.
I've always said that how you feel both mentally and physically will always be reflected to the outside and in the results.
And speaking from my position as a fan, I can tell you that it makes me more sad to see a veeery prepared stage knowing that maybe you got hurt or you had a bad time while preparing it or you haven't slept / eaten well for days,, etc. than seeing a stage in which I can perceive your happiness and emotions while performing because probably you rested well and are feeling healthy.
But this is only my opinion because I know that sadly there are other fans who rather the opposite…
Now, speaking from my position as a victim of labor exploitation and lack of business organization in my past jobs and current job... I can tell you that I really hope that the company can do something to manage their schedules more efficiently, because it is only exploiting you and landing you a lot of projects that are humanly impossible to get on time without sacrificing your rest.
I hope they can improve that part so that you get enough time to focus calmly on each project and have more time to rest and recover to move to the next one. Because honestly, I think companies of that size should already know the importance of keeping their employees in top condition so they can perform better. I know I always go back to the same thing, but for real, what’s the case of finishing 10 tasks/projects in a month if you will not have the same results as if you do 5 projects with more dedication time for each one? You’ll just burn out yourself and will not be satisfied with the results (or probably yes but as we say “yes I made it, but what was the cost of it?”).
I might be wrong and I know I’m so ignorant about it because I have never experienced the pressure of the entertainment industry… Also I’m sure there might be lots of other things involved that make you worry and feel like that, but I think what I said applies to any profession. Don’t rush it
As you said while teaching us to make beads “patience is key”.
Sometimes we can get carried away, and yes, I also have times when I think like that: "I know I can do more and give more of myself" and I know that I am perfectly capable of doing it, BUT that doesn’t mean that I have to, right?
I’ve tried it and it ended bad... I managed to do everything on time but I never felt satisfied with the results, ya know? Adding to it that physically and mentally it is always sooo exhausting and it kept me thinking that I was never enough.
We have to remember that more than an idol, a student, doctor or any profession we might be, we are humans and we have to understand that each one of us have a reason to do what we do. Sometimes we might not be doing what we like to, not because it’s our dream job but because we have a personal purpose, ya know?
And by a purpose I don’t only mean by something that can fulfill us.
One example is school debts or debts in general, and this is the same for a lot of people around the globe whether it be in Korea, Mexico, France, etc.
Sadly there’s an economic gap between social classes in every country.
I mention this example because those are the things I see most of my friends or classmates have suffered and even me, I still have to go through it.
So as I see them now, I remember when I also used to be so stressed about it, I would have two jobs and study at the same time back then because I wanted to settle everything faster but I was only making it all harder for myself and I couldn’t do all at the same time without risking my mental health or feeling miserable.
It is so desperate because there're times when you can’t even see the way out of it.
I actually talked about it with my dad the other day that I told him about Canada. I told him that it all was harder for me because I wasn’t even able to help them as I wanted because I had to take care of my things too. And honestly it is still so frustrating that I want to do more but I can’t do more, ya know?
But I always try to remind myself that even though my parents were one of my main purposes, I didn’t want to risk my health for it having who knows how many jobs, and neither my parents wanted to see me sick, tired and stressed most of the time. They are getting older and I don’t want to stress them or make them worry about me anymore.
So that’s when I realized that no matter what the purpose was, I didn’t have to rush things out and I’ve been feeling better and at ease since then. I know it may take longer but mentally I feel better and I know that eventually, I will get to the end of all of it, ya know?
There are always healthier ways to get where we want to, I promise
I don’t feel bad for telling you all of this, at the end of the day I think these things are something we shouldn't be ashamed of.
A lot of people don’t talk about these kind of worries because they think people might judge them, but tbh, I learned I shouldn't feel ashamed of my life, that’s also part of me and even if it has been hard I feel proud of how strong I’ve become thanks to those hardships. That’s what I always say to my friends whenever they ask me how do I do it to not get too stressed with those things (I still do, sometimes, but it doesn’t compare to how it was before jsjs)
Anywayssss, now going back to the company…
I know that it is not easy to talk to the company and get to an agreement that can be the best for both parties, but we have nothing to lose if we try, right? And I don’t think the solution is to deprive you from your sleep to get everything done in a short time... I think the solution can be to find a balance that benefits both parties without sacrificing the integrity of the artists, and although I don't know exactly what's going on inside the company, I hope they can do everything they can to see for your integrity and everyone else in the company first.
I believe that there can be a balance.
So, in the meantime, I hope you can take care of your health in all aspects and if I can help you in any way, you know you have my full support, okay child?
Whichever way you decide to live this process and if there’s no way to change things in the company, however you decide to take things I’ll support you, I will support you regardless because I know it is your dream and in the end you decide to what pace you walk through your path, so whatever it is I will never let your effort be in vain, okay?
However things are going, I always ask the universe to take care of you. I know and I trust that everything will be alright and that all these difficult times will pass and all the effort you’re making will be totally worth it.
I hope that all the new projects to come can be fulfilled in the best way for you, because I want to see a happy, calm and healthy Kevin in the following projects. <3
Anyway
Changing the subject a little bit, you know that these days I have been thinking a lot about the people around me…
Maybe you've heard it before but these days I've seen this quote a lot on social media:
"You are the average of the 5 people around you."
And I began to think a lot about this these days, especially because of the Karen’s Fest because I did a lot of things but, among all the plans I did, I only invited my closest friends. So I realized that throughout all my life, this circle of friends that surround me right now is the circle in which I feel most comfortable.
I got to thinking that if my life had taken a different path, the Karen who is currently writing all of this wouldn’t be the same, or maybe she wouldn’t even be writing this.
You know I don't like to think a lot about the "if I were… I would…" BUT I like to think about it only to appreciate all of who I am right now and the people that are around me.
I know that I am a strong person but most of the time surrounding ourselves with people who give us light and give us their full moral support, really makes a big difference.
On my birthday I went out to eat with my friends from work and Andrea. The entire dinner was filled with dramatic anecdotes from the office, of kind words to encourage each other to achieve our goals.
[We even forgot to take a photo together so comfortable that we were talking lol]
So I also realized that even though you and I are not close or don't know each other in person, I can consider you part of my closest support circle and who is also part of the people who inspire me to achieve my goals and not be scared of changes. So I wanted to thank you for it, child <3
I know that you surround yourself with good people who you can lean on whenever you need it and who inspire you to achieve your dreams, but even though I hope that I can also be part of those people in your life who inspire you and give you all the positive vibes whenever you need them.
I know that I am not your friend and I should not believe that I am, because saying it can be uncomfortable for you. After all, you know, I'm a fan.
The other day I read on twitter that we as fans should not cross that line, because idols are not our friends and we should not get along with them as if they were.
I know that in the end I should not get carried away by what they say on social media, but it’s true that I must be careful because I do not know what your position on this is.
But, that doesn't mean I can't write to you here, at the end of the day my goal is that you can find in my letters even a little bit of support to help you when you're going through similar situations or having similar thoughts.
Tbh these days I was thinking a lot about it and I even talked to Andrea, since she knows I write these letters and I asked her if she thinks it would be best to stop writing these letters because of what I said before: I can’t be sure about how you can take these letters and I would never like to cross the line or make you feel uncomfortable. But she told me that I have no reason to stop doing it because at the end of the day, even though I’m not sure if you get to read everything I write or if you do but you don’t like it, it’s the purpose that matters, since I do it as a way of supporting each other because writing these letters helps me both to reflect about me and my emotions and to be something you can rely on whenever you feel like you need it.
So I took the decision to keep doing it whenever I can 💛
Anyways
2022 is almost coming to its end and I hope that we can continue to walk this path together and that we can continue to be a source of strength for each other the next year and the years ahead 💛
I love you so much, child 💛
This is my weekly compilation, mostly the Karen’s Fest compilation but anywaysss lol
The day before my birthday my friends decorated my desk because I had my birthday off so they celebrated me 1 day in advanced lol 🤍
That tangerine cake is my favorite 🥹
This is from my birthday when I went to eat with my friends. It was the only picture I took because we were too busy talking that day lol
The night before my birthday it was my work's christmas posada. In Mexico all the companies make a kind of christmas party for the workers and give away gifts randomly (but I have very bad luck so I didn't get anything lmao)
After the party we went to drink with our seniors and since it was almost my birthday the bar were we went to gifted us all shots of tequila (you know I don't like tequila right? But I drank them anyway because I was challenged and I can’t say no to challenges🫠, so I got a liiiiittle bit drunk that day).
Whenever we go back home late night or after driking, we use to take the same uber and ask the drivers if they can make several stops so we can assure everyone gets home safe. You know, it's so dangerous to be alone at night here.
By the time we got home the tequila was hitting me so I remember my dad came out and helped me to go to my room lool I was sooo embarrased next day but when I woke up he left barbacoa tacos in the kitchen for me (barbacoa tacos are sooo good when you have hangover lol) and he left a bucket of flowers 🥹. Also my mom left chicken soup💖 (idk why but chicken soup is one of my favorite foods lol) so I was so touched.
Of course I said sorry to my dad but he told me "don't worry, you had so much fun yesterday, right? That’s what matters" and then laughed.
I cried almost the whole day because how touched I was lol
I saw my messages and a lot of my friends wished me a happy birthday, even my brother’s wife sent me an audio of my two year old nephew singing the happy birthday song in spanish to me 🥺
Also Andrea sent me a long voice message at 12 am and a video she made of us TT
I'll leave it here because it's sooo cute
Andrea also sent me a cake to the office that morning TT
The funny part is that she didn't remember I had my birthday day off so I didn't go to the office but my frinds kept it on the fridge
She was like “bitch, go downstairs for your came”
And I was like “🧍♀️ gurl I’m home” jsjsj
My boss is pregnat so she's working from home, so on friday she asked me to go to her home and she cooked a spanish dish for my birthday 🤧
And on Saturday it was my birthday party at my friend’s house lol
I had to change the theme to “feathers and glitter” because the texanas were so expensive and didn't want my friends to spend on it 💀
So it looked like the dress code was all black because everyone was wearing black clothes
Even the Kuromi cake was black with glitter, sooo pretty ✨
I didn't drink a lot that day, and it wasn't necesary because we were having a blast with no alcohol in our bodies. We were singing the whole night until almost 5 am lmao
And yess we danced a looot that my feet hurted so bad the next day but was totally worth the pain 😭
On sunday I went to deliver Karimchi products, and I was out the whole day TT
And since my delivery point is the starbucks I was there the whole time and yes, the security guard already knows me and she always greets me as soon as she sees me lol
One of my clients told me she was a fan of my products and I told her January will be Karimchi's last month and she asked me how much would the delivery be all the way from Canada 😭 lol
My friends went to get their nails done and after that we went to the café I showed you before and now the tree is decorated for Christmas 🎄
I also got my nails done, I think they turned out kinda cute lol
Yesterday I unlocked the phone and... Do you get the reference?
I think this must be the new 11:11
Anyways
I also watched Guillermo del Toro 'Pinocchio' movie and I loved it 🥹
Fun fact, del Toro is from my city and he studied in the same university as me 🤧
Guillermo 선배님 ✨
He actually came a few weeks ago for the international book fair that my university holds every year. I hope you can come some day, it is a huge event and famous writers from all around the world come to give conferences 💖
This is actually the second year I couldn’t attend 😭
Weekly songs✨
Honestly you’ll see why I chose this song 💛
And I know I already recommend this song but I this song always reminds me that I don’t have to hurry things 💛
And some extra songs -not too extra-because I always add most of the songs to the playlist for a reason lol
Anywaysss
Sorry for taking too long for this letter, I think it is the letter that has taken me longer to write, I started writing it on sunday and now is thursday here… But it was because I kept on thinking about what I told you before…
Also I’ve been writing it by parts because it has been a very tiring week so whenever I opened my laptop my eyes started closing 🤧
Also I read some of my last letters and cringed lol (probably I’ll cringe in the future with this one too) but I realized two things: how I’ve been growing from letter to letter and that everytime I apologise for the long letters they just keep getting loooonger everytime 🫠
Anyways x121572
I just want to tell you that I'm okay, I’m taking care of myself and so I hope you’re doing it too… please don’t get sick 🥹
As I said before, I hope we can keep going on this path together, learning and encouraging each other on the way~
O also hope my letters can be helpful to you or at least make you smile for a bit whenever you’re having a bad day 🤧
Okayyy child, please take lots of care
You’ll might read me for Christmas but just in case I hope you can enjoy the holidays with the boys and your loved ones 💛
(I love Christmas but I’ll probably spend it home watching movies lol)
I missed you SO much, I really mean it...
You are doing great~ I’m sooo proud of you as always 🥺
I love you so much, mi niño
💛💛💛
—Karen
D-47
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