New year, new title template, everyone cheers!! 🥳
Although I'm not sure if I can keep it up because I suck at writing title. But heeeeey my second letter in 2023 is here hehe
I remember you once said in your private messages that we can write comfortably, like a diary. I'm not sure which kind of diary that you meant, like a diary that tells you all sunshines and rainbows happen in the day, or a diary that says my day sucks, I just want to sleep all day and not doing anything 😔 I'm afraid my diary this time is the later 💔
Unlike last year, I stop writing down what I want to achieve in 2023. My wish is kinda simple, I just want to live a slow life and to not wanting anything. But entering a new year with no ambitions, it turns out, is so terrifying. Today was the first day of work after holiday and guess who cried at work? It's meeeeee ☝️ Went back home and cried again? It's meeee ☝️ lol I've lost a lot of sparks in the 2nd half of 2022. I don't do things that usually put my mind at ease anymore. I feel like I only ✨️exist✨️ with no soul. So when I am in a situation where I have to go out of my comfort zone, I freak out because I don't know what to do, and I cannot tell my brain to function like it used to. Like, I used to be good at this or that but now I can't even lay my fingers on it without ruining the whole thing yknooow? I have a lot of fears, and to have a lot of fears is...terrifying.
I don't know which one is better, to have your life all planned out but you can't be at peace because you gotta prepare yourself to watch it crumbling down, or to walk aimlessly and just follow the path that leads to nothing because you don't want to want anything.
Oh bestie, my life (or actually it's myself) is so complicated like that 🌧
ANYWAY, since the vibe is kinda blue at the moment, I have the perfect song for this vibe. A new released from Baek Yerin 🤌
Butttt for real, I just. love. the lyricism. It's honestly so simple? easy words? But somehow with the melody like this, it just hits. sooooooo. hard. My heart is aching. Don't you get it 😫 The use of past tense, the repetition in "I had you". Please. I personally love the part "Everything we had was the dreams of my childhood. Yeah, I wanted a family." The past tense on "I wanted a family" is like a punch in the gut for me personally. So, now the 'I' no longer wants it? The heartbreak is on another level. I just want to sleep all day and listen to this song and just cry 😫
Anyway (again), it feels lighter after writing this. Maybe because I can let it out through words, or maybe it's simply because the thought of you as I'm writing this soothes me in a way I can't even comprehend. Either way, thank you. For letting me write this.
Have a peaceful night, Kevin. I can't wait to see what you boyz have been preparing so hard!! I mean it! Like, I know it will be amazing and make my life 10 times more bearable. I'm cheering for you boyz 🍀
See you around~
♡,
mon