Heyoo child 💗💗💗
It's me, back to the moonday letters~
First of all, congrats for The Masked Singer, you did amazingggg, ofc we knew from the beginning it was you, we can recognize you very easily (your unique voice, your gestures, your way of walking, the visual spam of moon references, etc).
What I love the most is how you are not afraid of trying different music genres of what you’re used to sing (ik it’s kpop but u know what I mean), for me that's one of the things I really respect and appreciate of you as an artist 🤍
Also I've been loving this comeback so far, when I watched the mv I was layin' besides my cousin and I was wearing airpods but suddenly my tears started to come out, like literally I could't hold them at all. So my cousin started to pat my shoulder.
"Karen, Karen, are you crying??"
"This is so good, they look so handsome... Let me watch it again... Kevin looks sooo good" I told her and even if I tried to stop crying but my tears just kept coming out like "naw you won’t hold me".
"And will you cry again?"
"I dont know, probably, I am crying because I'm so proud too, everything is so good"
Yes this is a real story, so cringy i know but let me fangirl at peace.
I know I always say it and probably you don’t believe me but I'm not the kind of person that cries easily. You must know me as a crying baby by now cuz all the stories I tell you involve a Karen crying.
I should write you more funny tmi’s instead of sad or emotional ones...
Or not...
I will say not because today I have an emotional letter tbfh (to be fckin honest), so probably next week it'll be different...
I haven't posted in a while and since probably you didn't read my pm threads while I was in Vancouver I'll make a quick compilation of what has happened these days.
So you know I went to Vancouver in order to try to start form 0 buuut as you know sometimes things don't end as we want them to. But it's okay. It was a very hard time emotionally tbh, not only for me but for my cousin too.
You know I really admire migrants because living like one is a daily fight to survive. I have mad respect for them because they risk literally everything in order to achieve their dreams and goals, probably they have a family back home they have to take care of from the distance and send them money to live too.
During my stay in Vancouver I met a lot of Mexicans, especially migrants, whether they were traveling alone or went with their families. Some of them did not live in good conditions but nevertheless everyone agreed that they preferred to live like that since you can't even compare the quality of life to Mexico's. And tbh is true, in matter of security, transportation, structure, etc, it is a way better.
But most of them don't even work enough days in a month to pay the rent and aford to buy food. So they live everyday with the uncertainty if they will get to work that day or the next day or the whole week.
We worked two days in an expo in downtown and tbh it was soo easy, we had 8 hours but finished the work in 5 so the canadians were very surprised of how fast we worked lmao
Anyways, it was a heartwarming experience because that day I didn't brought luch because tell asked my cousin to go 1 hour before and since she worked the first day I told her I would work that day for her instead, so she could rest at home or go outside.
So the other mexican girls that were there got worried and kept asking me if I was hungry, I told them I was okay because I ate before coming but still they tried to share with me their lunch, one gave me a bottle of water and someone gifted me a chocolate and cookies 😭
You know how weak I'm with those things, probably they didn't bring enough food for themselves but still they wanted to share it with me because they knew how hard it is to survive, specially the first weeks or months
I know most ppl from latam are like that, not only Mexicans, and that's something I love the most about living in Mexico, that people is so warm and is always willing to help even if they don't have enough even for themselves, but still it always makes me so sentimental
My parents never told me "you should share or be like this or like that", but I learned it by just looking at them and how they always looked after others bofere themselves. When we went to sell our toys and stuff when I was a child my mom used to always made lunch for the old ladies that were our neighbors at the market because she knew they didn't had enough money to even eat, they literally lived only from their sales of the day. Also my dad always looks after others before himself, a lot of our neighbours know my dad because he has helped them with something.
He sent me messages almost everyday like "hija, how are you? if you need anything please tell me, if you need money, please tell me. I want you to eat well". I always told him I was okay and that he shouldn't worry, that he should trust me when I said I will tell him if I needed something. And yes, something broke inside of me everytime he sent me messeges or when my mom called me.
I was also specially worried about my cousin, she wasn't doing very well but she didn’t tell me anything to not make me worry and I noticed that, so we had to sit one day and talk with honesty and that's when we agreed the best thing was to change the plan according to how we were seeing the things were like.
Ofc we felt depressed at first but after talking again we realized it was the best for both of us. We discussed everything we were learning in that trip and realized that despite the things didn't go as we expected it, it all was worth it 100%. We were enjoying it so much tbh and we agreed that we both needed those vacations so bad.
You know how much I believe in destiny and that whenever you look back at the decisions you make, you realize a lot of reasons why things had to happen that way.
That’s why I don’t think what we call mistakes are really mistakes.
We don’t make mistakes, its not a mistake once you realize the reason behind it, what did you learn from it? What are the good things that experiencing that brought to your life?
I realized that if it wasn't for that trip I wouldn't have come for a general check up to the doctor and I would have probably never realized that something was off with my health. So if I had stayed in Vancouver without a job then I probably couldn’t aford to go to see a doctor soon and get a proper treatment.
My cousin was so worried about me. "You should eat well specially these days, if we stay here for more months we will barely have one meal a day... Also you shouldn't stress a lot right now, you should have good defenses and I want you to go back and get treated as soon as we go back”.
[As soon as I told her about my results she was very supportive, actually she went through exactly the same thing I’m going through so she knows how is all the process and has been helping me a lot]
So we decided not to feel bad about it and instead of worring we would enjoy our last week there and do as much as we wanted to do. And tbh it was the best decision we took.
I knew people would talk about it as soon as we go back but tbh people will always talk, you know, and at the end of the day we don't live of them, so it was the last of my worries (okay not eve the last).
I was more worried for my parents. I need to be okay for them to be okay.
Tbh I don't feel bad at all now, not even depressed, I'm taking these days at home before to go back to the work life to rest, excercise, do a lot of healing stuff like painting with water colors, etc.
The Karen from the past would be very depressed and anxious by now and hating the world but I feel blessed rn, you know, the battles of today will be the best anecdottes and teachings for the future.
Also I feel blessed to have my cousin and such supportive friends like Andrea that was for me all the time. My friends from the office that even if they didn't know anything they just sent me a long messege out of nowhere telling me they were proud of me (and they don't know it but their messages came just when I needed it the most, like it was a miracle), and also my parents you that are being so nice and supportive with me, specially all those small details that mean a lot, like my dad buying me tacos as soon as I arrived lol and also hugging me and telling me everything was fine, that I did everything I could and that’s all that matters and shouldn't feel bad for it.
And you know what? I also thought, if I would be still there I wouldn't probably have too much time to keep up with you and this comeback, so now I'm thankful I'm able to enjoy this comeback with you and have more time to support you.
This is also a reason why I'm fine now, you are so healing to me and idk I just feel so fine when I see anything about you, watch videos of your performances or appearences in shows on twitter, etc. You make me laugh a lot and I think "Kevin you're such a dumba*s but I still love you so much", even if sometimes you make me cringe a lot lmao
ily 🤍
[Wait tbh I probably give you more cringe than you to me... so I take back my words]
Anyways those are the things that I've been thinking. I've been appreciating life more than ever and all these experiences are helping me to grow into a better and more gateful person and at the same time to look more after myself, and even if I always tried to now I'm really into it. Also I'm changing a lot of the bad habits I had.
Let's always be grateful for what we have and the people around us that's always there for us.
Oh and I also realized who my true friends are and the people I should keep my distance from.
Something I really should learn is to say no. If something is not good for me I shouldn't say yes. Yes we can help people but we cannot help everyone, we should focus that energy in helping the people that really needs it and not the people that wants to take advantage of us.
For me one of the most difficult things to do is to decide to let go a relationship even if it is super toxic, you know? And I mean any relationship like a friendship or a parter.
But it is another thing I'm working on right now.
I hope my letters don't feel like depressing letters... I'm not depressed, I hope through my experiences you can also take something from it and hopefully it can help you if you are going through a similar experience.
Anywaysss
Coming back home I also was able to send you a lil gift, it's honestly not the best but it's honest work lol
Oh I'm actually worried because it says it will arrive on wednesday but I don't know if wednesday here or there so I pray for it to arrive earlier TT
These days a lot of things have happened to me lol and sorry in advance
Sooo, do you remember I bought you a special edition Starbucks cup of the día de muertos?
The one I was saving for you since november...
Well, it survived a trip to canada and back to Mexico but when I was about to put it into the box the cup fell to the ground... and broke... along with my heart...
Here’s the sad proof:(
I’m soooo sorryyy
I’ll do whatever to get you a new one this year 😭
I felt so worried and went out to find another thing instead... you'll see once you get it, I hope you like it...
There's other things I put in the box too besides that. I wrote a TMI of each gift because all of them have a reason behind lol
Aaand speaking about the box... I was so sad because of that cuz I spent a whole day looking around for a box to fit everything in there and when I finally found it I had to decorate it, so I spent 4 hours doing it lmao, I even made a small tag with watercolors to put it with the ribbon...
So everything was great and I was proud of my work but the guy from DHL told me it was too big so it would be 3 times more the price I would normally pay for that weight so he told me it would be better to remove the box and put everything in a box from them... yes the ugly yellow ones...
Anyways, so I didn't have an option cuz it was really expensive, I wouldn't mind tho if I had saved enough money for it (I promise to save more money next time to give it to you in a better envelope, okay?).
I'm sorry, you won't have a cute unboxing time with my gift... 🥹
*Doesn't even receive it because it arrives after the due date* [with my luck...]
Also since I have more free time I have made some dubby friends through a lil project I participated with them (perks of having plenty of free time). I honestly suck at making friends online cuz I'm so shy and you know, I'm socially awkward too.
Anyways, I'll post some pics of what we did in our last days in Vancouver and what we ate cuz since we talked about it we decided to eat better at nice places instead of only having cereal and instant ramyeon as breakfast or dinner lol.
And these days I'm home I've been listening to new music so I have a bunch of songs for ya.
[I started listening to this artist bc of this famous song I used in a tiktok and I loved the album, when I heard the lyrics of these two songs I thought about you]
[This next song is also from the same album, is kinda nostalgic but I like how the mood in the song changes]
[These two songs are part of the songs I've been listening to this week to feel better, so listen to them, I hope it can help you and I hope you like them too]
Please take lots of care of you specially these days that you must be so busy... and please try to eat the best you can, you need to have great defenses so you won't get sick, also sleep as much as you can and if you feel like something is off don't hesitate to go to the doctor, I want to see you well, okay?
Remember I'm always here rooting for you and that I got your back always
Today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, know I'm proud of you
Te quiero mucho mucho
💗💗💗
—Karen
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