hiiiiii
what a insane time the past three days have been!!!!!!
I'm honestly speechless. I woke up this morning with such inspiration and endless things I wanted to write to you. and now that I sit here, my mind is blank and slightly insecure as a 더비. I was talking to my 나무 친구 about how instant gratification and affirmation of being a fan is something that has turned into a common mindset for kpop fans. I think as humans we all have a deep longing to be seen and known. I know for me at least, I fear that listening to the songs may not be enough. for me to be special, seen, and for you guys to feel that way as well. We came to the conclusion that the past three days was enough proof that listening to the songs, liking the posts on sns and constantly checking in with you guys is more than enough. When we feel lacking in our tangible love for the boyz, we realize that these moments are what you guys are yearning to be an everyday. That someone is on the other side of the stage listening. I want so badly to fly to korea and see you guys live and go "yes!! this is peak 더비 living. they can finally feel loved and appreciated. they now know hthey have fans internationally" but in 2020 when all I could do was write letters and listen to clover again and again, you still felt that pure child like love all the way from atl. So what has changed? nothing really. you have done more in any and every way for us to know that you see us all the way on the other side of the world. When we couldn't gather under the same roof, we held on so tight to the only form of love that transcended every precaution we had to take; music.
I'm always shocked when the members are moved to tears by the depth of love 더비 have and recognizing the 다비 that show up time and time again. I don't know what goes on behind the scenes that bring such fear into you guys' heart. If it was one person or group of people, a location, a mentality, taboo culture, that brings such worry and unease I pray the constant love both verbal, and expressed through actions dispel those origins of fear. Because God is writing the story for you and the members, and the page won't turn until He says so. Me not knowing what the industry entails makes typing this and believing it much easier than if i did know. But! I will type it nonetheless bc childlike wonder at times calls to acknowledge these things and still shrug because we know it's ultimately not up to us. we continue to show up and do what burns inside of us so strongly that it must be expressed.
Speaking of, I wanted to say I see you. In every word you say and in the absence of your presence on social media for a few weeks. I hear what you are so desperately wanting to be heard in your sign to IST to let you see Beyonce and the messages on bubble. When you mentioned you were having a dark time during your end ment, it wasn't a shock to me.. It broke me just a little because I wish I could do something, or say something for you to know. idk what specifically. but I was also having a hard time, and it scared me to think you were in such dark moments and still showed up to schedules, recordings and practice. But when you did come back, you mentioned that you have people you go to when you are deep in your thoughts. My eyes burned when I read that bc, it confirmed something in me that I worried about, but it brought me joy that no matter what, you have a fighting sprit that wants to breathe deeply and live fully. And when that spirit feels to weak you know exactly who to go to in order to have the strength to fight again.
Wow this is long and really deep. hope this isn't an awkward read.
The pcd might be hittin now, or youre probably up working out bc you genuinly don't sleep. either way, thank you for making to another day. see you soon
xoxoxo
bukky