kevin mooonnn
dadadaaaaa
hiiii imu, how r u? how is da fam? da neice? how is ur heart?
i've been reading a lot recently, and man does it revive something in me. currently reading firekeeper's daughter and the ruthless elimination of hurry. I want to gift you the later at some point.
i've never been one for divine appointments. it ignited this unsettling anxiety that no form of mindfulness could soothe. i felt like i was missing something, too soon or too late. that i was further from where i was meant to be and because i failed to be there. needless to say , i would stay home. but today changed all that. it's a week from my first visit to urgent care and i wasn't where I wanted to be health wise and it frustrated me. so i went back. to even leave the house was a hassle, couldn't find my keys bc i didn't remember where they were but that's bc i didn't take my adhd meds so my focus was everywhere but trying to locate my keys. like the fact that clothes from the week were everywhere and if i was clean/organized while being extremly sick i wouldn't be thinking my keys were in a pile of scrubs. shame. get to my car it's hailing. since the accident i've been anxious to drive and today was no different. I almost didn't go. anxiety. get there and it's a 2 hour wait. hurry. the doctor comes in and my divine appointment has begun. i think i didn't believe in them bc i didn't think God loved me enough to orchestrate such a creshendo of a moment, so beautiful, for me to experience Love. The doctor came in and spoke more to my spirit and the hurting i was experiencing bc I wanted to be somewhere I wasn't and my body was not fighting/ retailiating to make life difficult/inconvenient. She just needed genuine rest and love. The doc prayed over me and hugged me for a long time. idk if i've said this before but i LOVE hugs. i won't initiate them but if i feel safe enough to hug you i feel safe enough to be seen and that's the last wall i let down when I fully trust someone.
so yeah, i spent the majority of today ready and it felt restorative. often i shame myself that if I'm not reading the Bible every waking moment then i'm not seeking God and I'm lukewarm. But in reading He speaks to me. i have many quotes from today that I will share as time goes on. but yeah. also spending more time off my phone seems right. and i don't feel guilty for not knowing evergthung of what is going on in the world of kpop or mindlessly scrolling bc it seems numbing and right.
xoxoxo
bukes
"Art taught her that love wasn't supposed to be a roller coaster; it could a walk in the woods"