i am going through it bad. like BAD bad like holy fucking shit OH my god bad, i am having a ROUGH time right now.
BUT i stopped taking my meds for 3 days and had a come to jesus moment in the form of a super weird ass sequence of dreams (HEY DON’T DO THAT. BTW. TAKE UR MEDICATIONS AS PRESCRIBED.), so now i’m going to fix my life
STARTING WITH!! RETURNING TO BOTHERING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU ABOUT OPTOMETRY BC I’M ANNOYING AND I LIKE TO ANNOY YOU
i know it’s been a hot minute, i apologize for that, i’ve really been struggling bad. but! i have therapy on tuesday, and my brother will be in town next week! and i’m going to see fall out boy on the 24th with him! and then on the 27th i will be in florida seeing waterparks! so i’m trying to be thankful for the little things. thankful for a little vacation. thankful to see my brother. thankful to see my girl in florida. thankful to see fall out boy. thankful to see waterparks. thankful for tbz comeback. thankful for a roof over my head. thankful for the opportunity to grow my knowledge on optometry and optics. thankful to work for a doctor who indulges my questions and curiosities. thankful for good coworkers who support me and make me laugh. thankful for a family who loves me. thankful to be alive despite it all. thankful for the memories i have with my mom.
damn. truly had a come to jesus moment. this is what 3 days no prozac does to a mf LMFAO. got me contemplating my life and shit for real.
ANYWAYS this is my official comeback post - i promise to be more active, i really really will. i had a MAJOR, like SO fucking bad major depressive episode but WE’RE BACK BAY BEE WE’RE SO BACK
OH i do have one super cool update!!
I’M OFFICIALLY AN APPRENTICE OPTICIAN!!!!!!!!!!!! i got the fancy name tag and everything!!!! it makes me so happy to see that :’) it’s so cool. makes me feel so professional.
i also have some more funny quotes from work to share, just to lighten the mood a little:
recep: my partner is allergic to amoxicillin so we can’t make out
me: i’m also allergic to amoxicillin oh my gosh we’re twins
recep: well now i can’t make out with emma either
me: DAMNIT!!!!!!!
pt: i have a family history of fuchs’ dystrophy
me: (double checks the intake form to make sure she listed that)
intake form: MOTHER HAS FUCKER’S DYSTROPHY
me:
recep: god, you look like you’re straight out of a vampire freaks profile
manager: emmi where do you get all your energy from?
me: caffeine gum, 4 shots of espresso and 30 mg adderall
manager: gimme one
me: I NEED THOSE -
me: oh, french fries and mayo. my mom eats them like that. .. DID eat them like that, DID.
recep: you can still use present tense! you know she’s in hell eating ‘em up right now!
((((IMPORTANT NOTE: i make jokes abt my mom being in hell all the time, mom and i would joke about her going to hell constantly when she was alive, this wasn’t mean spirited it actually made me laugh rlly hard and cheered me up that day))))
doc, after a very Very long 2 days: i’m giving you Mika Häkkinen’s nickname - from now on you’re the Flying Finn
me, slowly sliding onto the ground from the bench i was sitting on: REALLY??
doc: really
me, sliding down further: you MEAN IT??
doc: you made it happen! you did great today!
me, now fully laying on the ground, stretching my arms into the air: THANK you! i wish i was DEAD!
((((this also requires context: Mika Häkkinen is a finnish formula 1 racer. i have an INCREDIBLY finnish last name, and when i first started working there doc clocked me as finnish almost immediately lol it’s one of my favorite memories))))
((((more context to this, is he was talking to me while i was sitting in the office because my manager banished me to a time out because i was getting VERY. VERY angry VERY quickly. i had a rough couple days LOL. that’s our solution for when i’m getting super pissy and overwhelmed, she says “get in the office” and i go to time out for like 5 minutes and usually sit on the ground in total silence and stare at a wall until i’m normal again))))
doc: your best friends up front just took a walk in (context: this was my 43rd appointment of the day)
me: I Am Going To Kill Myself In Front Of Them And Permanently Alter The Course Of Their Lives.
doc: *startled laughter* jesus christ
manager: someone needs to take that screw replacement from emma, she gets mad
me, hunched over like a fucking goblin, very clearly getting pissed off: i’m NOT MAD, i GOT IT
recep: i NEVER want to hear you complain about your back hurting EVER again
me: what do you mean?? D:
recep: LOOK AT YOU, YOU’RE CRUMPLED UP IN A LITTLE BALL LIKE A GOD DAMN GREMLIN
me: i have to go goblin mode, it’s how i do my best work
me, after doing a VERY fucking difficult lens swap: I WANT A TROPHY
optician: you get a best optician trophy
me: BEST OPTICIAN WHO NEVER EVER CRIES OR GETS MAD OR LAYS ON THE GROUND EVER
optician: emma, you can leave that cold set lens swap for me, ill get to it in a second-
me: NO. i am GOING to do it. it is PERSONAL now.
((((^i ended up doing it btw, i’ve literally never felt more accomplished in my life. for context, a cold set frame is a frame made of a specific type of plastic that can’t be heated - meaning if you need to change out the lenses you basically have to bully the lens into the frame. because we normally use heat to mold a plastic frame to get a lens in, NOT being able to use heat means you have to Fight For Your Fucking Life. BUT I GOT IT BECAUSE I’M THE BEST))))
manager, walking past the pretesting room: … what are you doing?
me, hunched over the counter, meticulously re-highlighting my tracking log because i didn’t like how it looked the first time i did it: Being A Crazy Person. Join Me, Shall You.
doc: you have an attention span!
me: attention span aided by 30mg adderall
doc: i’m aided by red wine and metamucil
me: maybe that’s the magic cure
doc: oh it’s magic alright
well. that’s all. i have a laundry list of things to do in order to cure my life bc i’ve let everything slip so badly. but WE’RE SO BACK BAY BEE I’M NORMAL AGAIN I PROMISE
love you ❤️ i’ll talk to u later
~emma-elayne
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