kevin moonnn
dadadaaaa
it's been a min
i love that when you come to bubble and when i come to fancafe both of the intros are like
"its's been a while" whether for good or bad something draws us away from our routine. idk if you're routine oriented or moreso spontaneous. i think i'm half and half. I rewatched your 31 questions with dive and it made me smile. you talking about beyoncé and all of your dimples are showing from smiling so much. moments like this i think "ahh yes kevin understands the depth of your fav person pursuit of music/their passion impacts you and how you navigate life."
Since the last time i wrote it's been my birthday!!! i used to become super sad because days that bring spotlight to mile markers catalyze existencial crisis to . Usually it's about feeling lonely, friendships, having such a battle with my mental health, or thinking how long it's been since i have seen tbz / done a fancall with you. Mainly because i haven't taken the MCAT yet and the obstacles of life have felt like the leaning tower of pisa. A constate feeling like" okay, almost there. just gotta keep pushin and i'll get over this obstacle and there is a view and open field on the other side." but then it's another year and it seems it hasn't moved even a milimeter"that's 100% how i feel. but this year; i had people i wanted to see on my bday <3333
i took myself to dinner and i saw my friends from bible study!!! it made me so happy idk. then the next day the brought me cookies and icecream 😭😭😭 they asked me why i didn't ask for a friend to to join me for dinner. typically when i hear this i don't necessarily believe it or it feels like a guilt trip. BUT when they said it, my heart believed it. and i didn't feel like a burden but I genuinely felt loved. one of them said " you have friends bukky" and it dawned on me " ah i do have friends" i've kept my guard up for a long time to protect myself, but i think it's time to let them down.
i worry when it's been days without you posting. i go back and look at youre previous bubble messages. You affirm us that you have someone to go to and songs to listen to during the hard times. there's a lot going on in the world and being mindful and consistent in grounding ourselfs is needed. we give so much both intentionally/ and at times when we go through the motions and not able to notice until later
Sometimes i tell myself " kevin sees the product of his pursuit of passion/love for all things music bc he has scott to text anytime he wants."
part of me thinks " kevin is introverted, and events are coming up. He needs to charge"
Whenever I worry, I see that there is an event where you get to see deobi and your passion for why you pursue music is rekindled by the love shown in their eyes as they watch you perform. it puts me at ease. like " ahh he's in good hands. Deobi will take care of him. plus there's a tim hortons.
i was looking at the moon last night and it was in the phase in which darkness was greater. but, the light was still there no matter how minute it may feel/be bc at the end of it all what we see does not diminish what it is ; the moon. so when you feel like there is a little hope, you feel stuck, unsure of everything, doubtful, remember that you are still Kevin Moon and there is still room in you to grow. the darkness won't last forever. Remember that the darkness brings out the beauty of what feels like little light is remaining in you.
We can't be 100% bright all the time. At times we feel 100% in darkness. But, whatever portion of ourselves that is seen does not take away the worth of all you are. And that is amazing, breathtaking, beautiful, show stopping, UNIQUE, confident, introverted, "lots of thoughts up here" ( throwback to Kevin from dive taping the side of his head), funny, gentle, considerate, cute laughter ( my fav version of your laughter is when it's so funny you lean back or to the side ⸝⸝ʚ̴̶̷̆ ̯ʚ̴̶̷̆⸝⸝ ), kind, loving, authentic, music theory genius, childlike wonder etc. all of the things about you which u feel is to be considered dark ( even if it is your humor. which is my fav type of humor. dad jokes. and dry humor. are they considered dad jokes?) is kevin moon and we, I , the stars, galaxies, even the unknow fish at the bottom of the ocean!! our Heavenly Father love youuuuuu.
right now you are performing in Manila and whenever I see a kpop festival I always get FOMO and I wish that my country prioritizes that genre and the atmosphere to create for us fans. I noticed that when I think that way it makes me feel less than as a deobi?The reason being I'm not able to show my adoration in attendance at every event that is occuring.
then I think about how I wrote to you on fancafe for two years before I was able to do a fancall. you were as genuine and excited as if I had attended every event up until that moment.
Which sidenote, I was scrolling through my bookmarks on Twitter and I saw some of the ones
that I bookmarked in 2019!!!! The beginning of my deobi journey!!!!! wjat babies we were ㅠㅠ. I did not realize how much time has flown by!!! I'm sending videos to my friend Miranda, and it's so weird because I see the description of the video and then I'm like "wait that was three years ago???" I feel like it was just yesterday. in the beginning when I couldn't recognize 한굴 I would navigate by comparing it to Tetris ! the way it curved slightly or had an abrupt turn, if they were squeezed together like it was you were writing and running out of space bc you were at the end of the row on your page. then I would go on Twitter and type it in the search bar. youre thinking " why didn't you just copy paste?!?"
THIS WAS FOR FANCAFE SO I HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO APPLY AND WHICH BOARD I WAS POSTING LETTERS TOO.
okay i go now
bye bye
xoxo bukky
p.s i joined random open 더비 chats on kakaotalk to make lots of friends. THE CUTEST THING I'VE SEEN!!!! 덥나잇 and 덥모닝!!!! LIKE!!!!!
it was actually easy to find bc i typed the # chanhee made.
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