Heyyyyy, child! 💖🫰🏻
Long time no see (write..?)
I'm wondering if you still remember me… But in case you don't, I will briefly introduce myself again (*insert that drama scene where they recap all the chapters in 30 seconds in a row when something tragic happens*).
Soooo, this is Karen, I'm from Mexico, currently 25 years old and counting (sadly). I do lots of things… One day I may go from working at a socially classified as "stable" job to sleeping under a bridge the next day to teaching Spanish to Koreans abroad the day after to starting a new business a month later… lmao.
Anyways, I hope you remember me. If that's not tha case you can always go to my last letters on my profile, its been said that there's lots of fun there... 💃🏻
I wanted to write you months ago but a lot of things have been happening in my life these past 9 months, one followed by another, and so on...
Also because there were a lot of things to write, I didn't know how to start the letters... Tbh I wasn't in my best era, so I wanted to go back and write for you whenever I feel ready. Sooo, the day has come, and even if I'm still working on it, I think this is the best I've been since then.
I don't want to write the whole bible here so I will just keep you a lil' bit updated (also forgive my English skills, probs I already forgot how to write properly lmao).
So, the canonic event that paved the way for all my other canonic events was when I was working at the customs agency with my friend Andrea (probably you remember her). So I was being laboury exploited (? for about 6 months there. I even worked late night (until 3 am) to do my ex boss' work, not getting paid for it because according to her, I was on a trial contract (fun thing, I had been on a trial contract for 6 months and the funniest thing of the funny things is that they didn't even make me sign a contract to start with when they hired me [sigh…]). Anyways, I was verbally abused by my boss every single day, that I used to wake up scared to go to work and get panic attacks in front of her and my coworkers everytime she yelled at me telling me I was good for nothing. It happened that often that I started to question myself if I was really good enough. So even if I gave my best, yet it was never enough for her.
So at the end of the day since I didn't quit because I needed to have incomes, she decided to fire me one day and gave me nothing but the bare less minimum of "compensation" for it. She fired me saying I was not even capable to stay as a secretary so she had no option but fire me, also she said that the only thing that she respected about me was my patience because, in her own words "even if I pushed you too hard, you always endured it".
Funny thing is that I saved her a*ss one night before she fired me. I even cried under the rain desperatly talking to providers to fix her mistake and save her client because she didn't care enough to make the calls by herself because she was busy at a friends' meeting drinking [sigh…]. That same day I called my friends asking them for advice and everyone told me I shouldn't quit before getting another job, so I had mo option but to go to work next day (the day she fired me).
I still think that getting fired just after that, was a way of the universe to take me out of that hell before getting sick because of the stress levels.
Also after leaving my job I started to question my friendship with Andrea, because all the time she was by the company's side and even though I totally respected her decision, when I told her that I was going to sue the company she tried to convince me not to do it because it would be a unnecessary "waste of time" and that there wasn’t a way for me to win it. She also started making coments that made me feel very uncofortable, and after too long I decided that I didn't want to stay at what was becoming a toxic friendship, when all I needed then was a little support.
I think the worst thing about all of this, wasn't me being unnemployed and mentally tired but having to take the decision of walking away from the person I spent most of my time with and the person I appreciated and loved the most at the time. We were like "uña y mugre" like we say in Spanish (we were like nail and dirt), we were always stuck to each other. After that she cut the contact with me and started posting throwing indirects to me at her stories and only contacted me whe she needed favours like asking me to get her a special edition of a tumbler [sigh…].
Anyways…
After winning the lawsuit I started working at Starbucks as a part timer. You probably don't remember but I once said I always wanted to experience working at Starbucks or a cafe only to learn how to make coffee. So I took adventage of it and started working there only to learn how to do it and also because I needed a quieter job to heal the wounds of my previous experience. The pay was honestly disrespectful as you know, so eventually I had to get a second job and worked at both sites. I worked the whole week and didn't had a day off to rest properly.
I also started to go to the gym at that time so I spent most of my time outside of my house. My friends had to visit me to Starbucks whenever they wanted to check on me. Even tho I was working a lot I was feeling better mentally. I met new people at the gym and at work. And yes, whenever my friends visited me at Starbucks I gave them my daily free drinks 💖
My friends at Starbucks were so cute, they used to make me my favorite refresher drink before my shift ended because they knew I was going to the gym so they always used to say “here you can drink it as your pre-work out”.
Details like these helped me to feel better ❤️🩹
Also I started a new business proyect with one of my friends of the Korean restaurant. We wanted to start a korean skincare business (we are still working on it tho, all has been trial and error but it's part of the process, ya know).
Anyways, since my body started to feel the workload and I started to feel sick I had to leave my job at Starbucks and I only kept my other job that was full time (a retail company) for a few months more. It was until April that I also quit my job there.
But before we get into that, something unexpected happened…
My ex from Korea contacted me 4 years after no contact and told me he missed me and that he wanted to come to Mexico.
You probably can guess what happened after that...
I also had a guess back then on how it would end like so I told him I wasn't in my best time to receive him in my house and also that I wasn't at my best economically speaking. I was truly honest with him and I sent him a long asf message only for him to leave me on read (lol).
After two weeks of reading it, he just sent me a screenshot of his flight tickets.
A very good friend of mine (who I owe my life to) told me that he could host my ex in his house.
"If he is being this insistent to visit you, it must be for something important. It must be a big thing".
I honestly didn't know what to think. Things didn't end up bad between when I was in Korea, but back then I wasn't convinced about him, I had a hunch about him (regarding inf*delity) but it all just stayed as a "hunch" cuz I decided just to keep silent and leave it like that.
Anyways, back to it. He came to see me, stayed at my friends’ house and I stayed at his house too (I had to work for one month beforehand for around 15 hours per day so I could get those days off while he was here).
While he was here I had to pay for almost everything thinking he was going to pay me back once he withdrawed money from the atm (but he kept telling me wether it was "difficult" or that he still didn't figure out how to). Anyways, I wanted to help him because he traveled all the way here to see me (that's what I thought at that time). But the only thing he came to do was love boming me, kept saying all sorts of cute things and stuff, and not only with me but he behaved like the most wonderful person in front of all my friends that all of them told me they thought he was finally the right one, all of them loved him until they started seeing the red flags too.
After a few days when I was very comfused about his behaviour I had to do the question…
“What are we?”
“You are treat me like we are something and you even came all the way here for me but I need to know what are we?"
He told me that if he had known beforehand that "I was looking for something serious with him" then he wouldn't have come to see me at first place. "I was going to come to Mexico anyway, since I will be travelling to other South America countries but I wanted to visit you".
I know… probably the same face you may be doing rn was exactly the same expression I did...
Obviously there was a whole long a*ss convo there and I was so mad and sad at the same time. I felt a lot of things at the moment but I couldn't stand the feeling of being used, again…
I was mad, not because of all I did and spent on him but because of my friends that also did something for him when they thought he was a good person.
My friend, that hosted us, he almost threw his things out of the house window. We were at a trip to Tequila when we argued so I video called my friend when I was there and as soon as the call ended he asked for permission at his work to leave early and went straight to pick me up at the bus station (🤧).
So, not to make it longer as it is, he left and finished his tour for latam and even went to Europe... His excuse was that he was going to start a position at the national assembly (the hypocrisy at it's finnest, I know) so he wouldn't have time to have a relationship with me because that was his last oportunity to travel in -who knows how many years- and he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. But even after saying that, he had the guts to tell me "in 3 years if you are single, we can try it" "I promise I will be back and compesate you and your friend for all of it". Even he had the guts to send me a message after 3 hours from the airport telling me "I already miss you" and asked me for a favor because he had troubles with his check in… ugh…
Even when I write about it now it still makes me feel mad af, I swear…
It all happened on March, so after that I started to think about my life and realized I spent lots of time focusing on other people that I was forgetting about my own goals, so I thought about it and decided that I was finally ready to go out, find a better job and focus on myself. Also I needed mayor incomes to recover from all of that.
So I started looking for a new job and quit the retail company and after a month I found a good office position at a company that is very close to my house, it’s so close that I can even walk there, also I get a fare pay for what I do and get to rest on weekends so I have time to spend on my own businesses.
So that's what I'm currently working at, I'm still recovering mentally and economically from all of it… I'm still working on a business plan for both Karimchi and Elíxiar (which is our skincare project), and I'm thinking about applying for a master's degree in South Korea so I started taking Korean classes to take the TOPIK II and to finally stop postponing the process of my degree (yes, I didn't have time to go to my university and finish it but I finally went there, I just have some process left).
During this time I learned not to let adversities make me forget about my personal goals and also I learned to adapt to changes. At the end of the day, those goals are mine and no one else's, I shouldn’t let anyone influence my dreams.
When facing unexpected changes we usually tend to blame ourselves and we get discouraged because things don't go as we expect, but at the end of the day changes are what makes us stronger. We don't have to blame ourselves for not knowing how to face uncertainty because through uncertainty we will be able to know how to face similar scenarios at the future. Life's a game were we are constantly leveling up.
Once you press the ‘start’ button, there is no going back… There’s no such thing as decreasing the level, you don't go from level 10 to -5, right? You will only keep leveling up and become wiser and stronger.
Whenever we fall while playing Super Mario Bros, the next time we try it, we already know where the obstacles are and dont let them hit us or jump over it not to fall.
I don't know what obstacles you may be facing right now in your life but whatever it is you are not alone, you have us and you have a lot of amazing people in your life who loves you and cares for you. If you look around you there's always someone there for you, whether it be there to listen to you, to give you an hug or to send you memes when you need it.
When facing adversities is always the best time to realize who are the ones that would stay with us, the real friends that will be there for you when you are at your lowest or at your highest. There always something or someone that keeps us going.
Whatever you may be going through, I believe in you, I know you can do it! I promise everything will be better soon. Meanwhile, let yourself heal, it is the best you can do for your mind and heart. Take the time you need to heal those wounds first.
Don't minimize any of your problems, no matter how much you say "it is not a big deal compared to...", yes IT IS, each person fights their own wars, do not minimize yours, if you do minimize it, your mind won't be able to measure the severity of the problem and you will not allow it to heal. So eventually, that wound will open again.
Let it heal. Let YOU heal.
When we heal we are able to go back to the track and find our way back to our dreams.
Child, I never forget about you, ok? I'm really sorry for not being able to post, but I truly think there's a timing for everything and everything happened for a reason, so, here I am again. As long as I have enough time I will come here and write for you. I think there was a reason why life brought me back to you at this moment.
You know even if I may be busy sometimes, writing here for you helps me to speak my mind and in the same way hopefully I can be able to sow something on you, or help you in any way.
Also even if I’m not very updated about all your schedules and everything, know I’m proud of you. Everyday you live is a new achievement 💖
Take lots of care and see you at the next letter ❤️🩹
I'll leave here some pics to keep you updated as I used to do it before 🫰🏻
When I started to work out when I was at the customs company I decided to try boxing along with the gym and I loved boxing but couldn’t fit my schedules with the classes so I had to quit it (I wanna try it again tho 🤧).
I used to feel shy showing my pics from then because working at the agency made me gain alot of weight, so I wasn’t confortable sharing my pics but now I feel confident and helps me realize how much I have progressed and makes me feel proud of myself ❤️🩹
I went to Mexico City with my friends to Taylor Swift’s concert, I actually wasn’t a fan but her songs have been helping me these last months❤️🩹
Back then I didn’t even know this song would be the song that I would sing my lungs out while singing lol 🥹
This is from the day I decided to sue my job, actually it was the hardest decision I had to make in my life because suing a company here usually stays in your background and a lot of companies don't want to risk on hiring people that will probably sue them too. So I got a lot of "no"s because of it on some of the jobs I applied to. 💔
While I was at the suing process I wanted to stay distracted so I started to bake and cook at home so I baked this cake for one of my friends lmao
It was the gym I attended for 6 months but after what happened with my ex I stopped going because I couldn't afford the monthly membership and also because I reminded me of him because we went together when he was here. So it's been 3 months since the last time I went to the gym 😞 I miss it lots
One of my Korean friends moved to Mexico and will be getting married with a mexican so I will be able to see her often 💖🤧
This is when I started working at Starbucks, my coworkers gave me a gift 💖
Also my Korean friends went to visit me on my first week working there 🥹
It was Elíxiar's first content making day and Elíxiar's first orderrr ✨
These pics are from our Halloween party, I started to feel more confident about taking pics then 💖
These are from my 25th b-day, even if I had to work all day at both jobs my friends celebrated me at 4 am 🤧
One of my besties got the ringggg, I cried when she gave me the notice because I knew how much she was excited about getting engaged 😭
When I had to work at the night shift to pay my days off anticipated 💔
Even Dany (the red haired one, who is the friend that offered his house for my ex) went one day with me to help us out😭
Even tho I cried and all for what he did, I got to know some places I didn't know and even got to know my own city even more. So it was very beautiful and I'm thankful to the universe for that ❤️🩹
I got so confident taking pics of myself and all the improvements I got working out, I got sad because I couldn’t go to the gym these last months but I’m also aware that I had to heal and feel confident with myself again before to go back 💖
When I was down because of what happened with my ex, I couldn’t eat becasue I wasn’t feeling well but Dany took care of me and would bring me food or took me to eat something at work 🥺
I’m so thankful to be surrounded by loving people like my friends. I hope you have people around you to take care of you and show you love on their own way 💖
I may not be near you but at the moment writing for tou is my way to show you my love and affection 🫰🏻
If you got to this point please know I have no words to thank you for taking your time tonread me ❤️🩹
Con amor,
—Karen.
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