today is juneteenth 🖤🖤🖤🖤
Historical Legacy of Juneteenth i usually share this article when ppl ask me about today's significance~
"The historical legacy of Juneteenth shows the value of never giving up hope in uncertain times."
I was looking and there are a few free museums that show african american history. i'm planning to visit around tour :3
i know you like muesems and such so maybe i'll do reviews from my POV or share a few suggestions of places i plan to attend. but nevertheless , i am grateful to know you kevin moon. i know you are restricted in celebrating differences (i.e pride month, juneteenth etc.) but i know your heart and that you would say it at 12:00:00 and make us feel see. and loved. but kevin, i can say with confidence that the abscense of those things does not create an absence in my mind that youre fighting along side for equality and a progressive future. it's kinda like when youve know someone for so long u kinda just sit there and vibe together. a moment happens and words don't need to be said bc the history of their character has provided enough circumstantial evidence that this moment kevin ( or whomever) will act/say/believe _____. as an african i feel seen and cherished by your continually knowledge to stay utd on current events, music etc. on 🫧🫧 when you play throwbacks i'm deeply rooted in humility that baby kevin was genuine in his love for everyone, regardless of skin, music, backgrounds, or socioeconomical status. ( which is why i try to find time to thank da fam for creating a space that allowed you to be the kevin you are but the pic i uploaded of your selfie was me overthinkinh and rambling but yeah anyways) i also just think it's cute to think of bby kevin singing nicki and beyoncé with his whole chest. " THEY NEED RAPPERS LIKE ME"
Envelopes were pushed throughout the history of music and the message that each artist wanted the audience to take away ( genre's are a funny little concept aren't they? yes they are. That beyoncé virgo shit . In theory, they have a simple definition that's easy to understand. But in practice, well, some may feel confined I swear fo God, it's bout to hit it- ME @ THE OPENING NOTE FOR TOUR) you did. it took root in your heart and grew to bloom you into the artist you are today 🥹 the way i'm crying ew. what the heck. but yeah.
i was discharging a patient's daughter and before she left the door frame she goes " can i show you some pictures!!" proceeds to show me despite my answer ( which i hadn't given my 'of course! 'yet i was tryna hold my heart together bc it was the cutest thing. ) she was like nine i think. idk, bw the age of 8 to like 14 they all seem the same to me and all get the same level of sarcasm. before we could tell by certain definite personalities? ambitions/ maturity. but now everyone's a dude and the kids find it funny when i call them that ¯\(ツ)/¯ makes me the cool staff member that is approachable. like when they threw up in the room n go 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏼♀️🧍🏽♀️🧍🏾♀️🧍🏿♀️🧍♀️🧍🏼🧍🏾🧍🏽🧍🏿🧍🏼🧍🏻🧍🏼♂️🧍🏽♂️🧍🏾♂️🧍🏿♂️🧍🏻♂️🧍♂️and they come to me bc they know i won't get mad. we instantly turn into totally spies with equal parts spy kids and get it cleaned up before anyone finds out. and typically the guardian is there and thanks me at the end saying " you didn't have to do that" you right. but when i was younger i had to do it alone. and i never want anyone, let alone a kid, to have to clean up their emesis bc they fear reprecussions or the idea that they've inconveniced anyone. IF YO STOMACH WANTHS TO ADD CONFETTI TO THE PARTY THEN WHO AM I TO YELL AT IT?? IT THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA THEREFORE WE HAVE CONFETTI. she showed me sunsets and flowers, trees and moving objects that i really had to squint and they laughed. they shared memories of their life. ( aka their still capture v-log) and how their pets are photogenic and are probably showing their dog friends how to pose for their parents so they can make them smile the same. then we talked about the movie super pets and how i was on the edge of my seat and they were too!! and when i cried my eyes out at other parts. they did not and made it very evident that i was the crybaby -__- but if they realize that crying at my age ( which kids will tell you the truth and next thing you know youre ordering hydrating face mask and nose hair clippers) is okay. no matter the circumstance. ANYWAYS ALL THAT TO SAY; IT REKINDLED MY CHILDLIKE WONDER IN SUCH A MUNDANE SHIFT AND I AM VERY GRATEFUL THAT GOD GAVE ME THAT LIL GIFT. (ah shoot that was in caps. i wasn't yelling. my rather fat thumbs did not successfully tap the un caps button. ) and i wanted to share it with you. bc that's how this whole journey was solidified. 04/16/2020
and my ult was solidifed. which is so funny. i don't think i've shared this but when i bought my reveal albums to do the fancall (silly me thinkin the number i bought would be enough + not cost me an extra digit on my foot to ship to america straight. jk. well kinda. i don't have an extra digit. just a buinion that could be perceived as one. JOKINNGGG. some girls paint their perception a diff way. i like to keep things weird. both are okay and acceptable. unless someone is in danger and discrediting another to edify themselves. not okay) and i picked the first one; the boy version and prayed and said " God whoever you want to be my ult let their picture be the first page i turn to and their photcard on the top of the stack of inclusions. SIDENOTE LIL ME DID NOT KNOW THE SLEEVE WAS A THING SO I RIPPED IT AND WENT " wow they have really nice quality wrapping paper." only other musical item i opened was my miley cyrus party in the usa cd so i was going about it all wrong. UNTIL I REALIZED OH!! THIS DTAYS TOGETHER" and i opened the page and there was a blank page 🥰 ult soldified. jkjk it was you. i'm in a very joke-y mood
✨over compensating at it's finest✨
it's been a min.. sorry.
been goin through a rough patch.
fitst day back to the gym in a while. still dealing with my sinus infection that has since turned into bronchitis now(?). idk
but i'm doing progress pics bc that'll show me that the agony is producing something other than tears i mean lactic acid.
i've made a folder for glutes/ legs and back day but i feel that would be wrong / weird to upload even tho my intentions are pure and i want to go crazy about certain workouts and the progress from them despite them feeling like ☠️.
[side rant in 3 2 1 kas glute bridges, b stance rdl, straight arm rope pull down, leg extensions, LEG CURLS YOU HEATHEN POWER MODE IS NEVER ON !!! skull crushers i'm getting strong so i can fight you 😭😭
and post workout snacks. ooo like i get a rice cake and put sunflower butter with dairy free cheese, with bacon on top and then if i might have moi moi ( my friend said it's the nigerian version of a tamale) side rant over]
how strong we've gotten from working out. (like i can lift two chips to my mouth and my neck doesn't cramp from a crunch when i try to eat the chip that didn't make it bc i'm doing more core exercises.)
so just a 🔫 ( and by 🔫 show i mean the cheap itty bitty ones we would use during the summer for water fights) show it is ¯\(ツ)/¯ i remember playing with this and how the water would never stay in and the plastic around the trigger would dig into your skin 🥲
also ,, i did not realize cafe decreases pic quality.. soo jessi's song was null and void 😪
anyways
this letter will be posted significatly later than the 19th / whatever many days until atl. hit a wall many times writing this. until i'm mentally strong i will continue to grow physicially. who knows maybe i'll be on physical 100 bc i never become mentally well 🤪 jk
jk jk the lyrics are "You were only waiting for this moment to arise" 🎵🎵 but you get the point.
coping skills arent the best but my therapist thinks i'm funny and calls me a comedian 🤪 i love that women. she's been with me since i impulsively booked chicago to see you guys on tour. she was like "woaahhhh there bukky ✋🏾✋🏾✋🏾✋🏾 let's think about this. writes note on paper; the impulsivity is strong with this one. " around that time i had just gotten the test results confirming i had adhd so it was always so funny but also saddening, yet comforting to know that my " impulsive decisions" ( note the airquotes💀) were from somewhere and not me necessarily(?) if that makes sense a trait but not my identity. so walking through details and making decisions was like tryna tame a mustang that's already got the scars to prove she's far past the point of civilization. but the world needs a few mustangs ¯\(ツ)/¯
psalm 73 :1 and vs 23
re-reading that and taking deep breathes. some days that's all i have in my to reach for God. one verse and shaky breathes. and that is in no way less " spiritual" or insignifant then if i was lost in the wonder of Him by reading His Word. i feel that in these moments, He is still filled with adoration and Love. He can not love me less and He cannot love me more bc i never earned His love and therefore it cannot be altered by what i put in or don't. this might be more for me than you but. yeah.
xoxox
bukky
T-29
p.s i just learned abouf the lind breakers and am putting them to help with the transitions. also bc this letter was picked up and put down several times. so it's kinda a compilation.
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