dearest kevin 🤍
i rarely write letters here but today i really wanted to share about how tbz makes me the happiest 'me' ive ever seen and felt. and how thankful i am for your existence.
i made a lot of memories with tbz last year, going for the may zeneration seoul concert, july singapore concert & the december seoul encore concert, and having a few video calls too. and all these memories didnt just make me happy at those present moments - of course, i felt peak happiness then, but i realised they really kept me going up till today.
i dont want to trauma dump (like i know some people do) cos you only deserve to hear good things and get positive vibes from this place, so i'll just say that i had a really bad day yesterday - the worst ive had in years. i'm an adult and i felt like i havent cried like that since forever. and in those saddest, darkest moments, when i felt like i wasnt seen, when i felt like i was either blamed or ignored by the whole world, i found myself reaching out to those memories i held close to me. the memories of me being a part of the deobi crowd singing my favourite songs out loud with people who felt the same love for you guys as i do, of me being close enough to witness how your efforts paid off by giving the most spectacular performances, of me being lucky enough to get a few pictures and interactions with some of you. memories of your bond, your love, your passion and your support. these memories i made with tbz have become my core memories that no matter how cliche it sounds, truly helped me get through tough times.
even while typing this out, i've stopped thinking pessimistic thoughts about myself and started to feel some jitters of joy in my heart. thanks to your effort, i feel a sense of belonging, i feel a sense of connection to the world (& to people - the fandom!), i feel more clearly my interests and passions, and i feel loved. your effort keeps me grounded and keeps me going. and i'm so incredibly thankful for that. whether intentionally or not, you guys have made core memories that i can always look back to whenever i feel like im lost in this world, and i really want to thank you for that.
it's amazing and admirable the power you guys hold, really. i just hope that you also have people whom you can think about and lean on during tough times like these, just like how tbz does it for me. i hope we can be that existence for you. i love you & i hope you have a good night's sleep! ❤️
let's make more core memories together 💕
(i'll see you in bangkok and kuala lumpur!!)
#nowplaying: happiness - rex orange county