Not know how to respond when a partner shares vulnerable
feelings.
Hold “stiff-upper-lip” or “just-move-on” attitudes, viewing distressing emotions as unproductive or a waste of time.
Seem able to shut off their emotions.
He was taught to keep a stiff upper lip, whatever happens.
Keep a stiff upper lip, and if anybody comes to see you, don't talk too much.
"The old British stiff upper lip lives on strong.
A stiff upper lip attitude will not work in contemporary policing.
He was taught to keep a stiff upper lip and never to cry in public.
keep a stiff upper lip
곤란한 마음을 들어내지 않다
Throughout the funeral of her parents, she kept a stiff upper lip. Source: theidioms.com
You look frozen stiff.
Dan Neuharth Ph.D., MFT
Narcissism Demystified
ATTACHMENT
Why “keep a stiff upper lip”? Well, the lips may respond to fear and other strong emotions by contracting, turning pale, trembling, and so on.
☆ demystified
make (a difficult or esoteric subject) clearer and easier to understand.
"this book attempts to demystify technology
☆
7 Telltale Clues of an Avoidantly Attached Partner
How to recognize a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Posted March 5, 2023
Reviewed by Vanessa Lancaster
KEY POINTS
Recognizing the signs of an avoidant attachment style is important to greater relationship satisfaction.
Avoidantly attached partners appear aloof, indecisive, or not fully invested in a relationship.
Partners of avoidantly attached people may struggle with feeling unwanted, deprived, and alone in the relationship.
Prostock studio/Shutterstock
Source: Prostock studio/Shutterstock
An estimated 1 in 4 adults has a dismissive-avoidant attachment style.
Persons with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style highly value independence, self-reliance, and autonomy.
While these values can be adaptive and healthy, avoidantly attached persons also tend to downplay the importance of emotional closeness and relying on others.
This can complicate intimate relationships.
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A relationship with a dismissive-avoidant partner may feel tentative, distant, confusing, even heartbreaking.
Such feelings tend to be felt most acutely by someone with an anxious attachment style, which is on the opposite end of the spectrum from avoidant attachment.
Dismissive-avoidant attachment — often termed "avoidant" for short — can range from mild to severe.
It can vary from relationship to relationship and can change over time.
Below are seven tendencies avoidant partners have in relationships:
1. Avoidantly attached partners hesitate to embrace their partner or the relationship fully.
For example, people with an avoidant attachment style may:
Hedge their answers when asked about a relationship's future.
Get uncomfortable if a partner uses terms like "boyfriend," "girlfriend," "lover," or "couple."
Say "I love you" sparingly, if at all.
Use double negatives such as “I don’t not like you” or “It’s not that you’re not important to me.”
Avoidant partners may care about their partner but strongly fear rejection and losing independence. To protect themselves, they maintain emotional distance by not fully engaging.
The effect of an avoidantly attached person's
lukewarm engagement: Their partner feels unwanted.
2. Avoidantly attached partners have restricted emotionality.
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Avoidantly attached people struggle with feeling and expressing emotions. As a result, they may:
Not know how to respond when a partner shares vulnerable
feelings.
Hold “stiff-upper-lip” or “just-move-on” attitudes, viewing distressing emotions as unproductive or a waste of time.
Seem able to shut off their emotions.
Be conflict-avoidant. Because they dislike strong emotional expression and lack confidence in working through relationship conflicts, they may shut down or withdraw rather than talking through relationship issues.
The effect of restricted emotionality: Their partner feels disconnected.
To keep a stiff upper lip means to be stoic, to display fortitude and restraint, to hold one’s emotions in check, especially when doing something that is emotionally difficult, unpleasant, or that involves some type of adversity. The phrase keep a stiff upper lip refers to holding one’s face in an unemotional, deadpan fashion so as not to betray emotions such as fear, distaste, revulsion, sorrow, etc. The expression keep a stiff upper lip was popularized by the novel Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves, by P.G. Wodehouse and published in 1963. Interestingly, the idiom keep a stiff upper lip originated as an American way to describe staying resolute without giving way to emotion. In time, Americans came to use the term to describe Englishmen. Related phrases are keeps a stiff upper lip, kept a stiff upper lip, keeping a stiff upper lip.
3. Avoidantly attached partners downplay or minimize the relationship's importance.
Avoidant partners may:
Decline to put a photo of a partner in their home even though they have multiple photos of exes and other people.
Become uneasy if a partner posts pictures of the two of them on social media.
Romanticize memories of one or more past relationships in ways that make their partner feel less cherished.
View their work, hobbies, or other activities as more important than a primary relationship.
THE BASICS
What Is Attachment?
Find a therapist to strengthen relationships
Avoidantly attached partners may know their partner wants more closeness and commitment and know they are letting them down. This can make them feel pressured, leading them to avoid or withdraw.
The effect of minimizing: Their partner feels not valued.
4. Avoidantly attached partners have difficulty with commitment.
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Maintaining autonomy and independence is imperative for a person with avoidant attachment. The need to avoid the opposite experiences is just as compelling: feeling obligated, dependent, or trapped. These imperatives feel more important than feeling connected, intimate, and interdependent.
Struggles with commitment can manifest as:
A history of leaving relationships or relationships that end ambiguously.
Periodically withdrawing, telling partner a partner they need a break from the relationship.
Announcing that they feel uncertain about their feelings and want to date other people.
The effect of commitment-avoidance: Their partner feels undesired.
ATTACHMENT ESSENTIAL READS
Self-Beliefs, Perfectionism, and Emotions
Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be
5. Avoidantly attached persons keep partners at arm’s length.
For example, they may:
Jealously guard their schedules and personal time.
Become critical or fault-finding of their partner.
Feel overwhelmed when a partner asks for more time together.
Limit displays of affection.
Cancel plans if they feel the relationship is getting “too close.”
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If their partner questions these behaviors, avoidantly attached people may respond with matter-of-fact reasoning that makes logical sense to them but avoids acknowledging their underlying feelings. Their responses also overlook how their actions affect their partner.
The effect of an arm's-length stance: Their partner feels deprived and rejected.
6. Avoidantly attached partners send mixed messages or communicate indirectly.
Sending clear messages about how one feels depends on knowing what one is feeling. Many avoidant people are not in touch with their emotions. Thinking about emotions may cause them distress. As a result, they may feel lost when a partner brings up emotional or relational issues.
For example, if a partner says, “I would like a deeper connection” or “I want to get together more often with a schedule that I can plan on,” avoidantly attached persons may give a vague or unsatisfying response, change the topic, say their partner is too demanding, or not respond at all.
The effect of indirect communication: Their partner feels doubt and confusion.
7. Avoidantly attached partners seem distant or disengaged.
People with an avoidant attachment style can view others' efforts to become closer as needy. In response, they may:
Fail to respond when a partner seeks reassurance or makes bids for greater physical or emotional connection.
Become disenchanted with a partner or the relationship for no apparent reason.
Call a partner “too clingy.”
Tell a partner to find reassurance within themselves.
Bury themselves in work or solo activities.
The effect of distancing: Their partner feels alone.