WT(In the past , it was easier to identify which career or job would secure, successful future.)

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   For several decades, it has been argued that it was easier to identify which career or job has a secure, successful future in the past. Some people disagree saying it is much easier to identify secure and succeddful job in the present; nevertheless, other people agree with it. However, I concretely believe that it was easier in the past to identify which career would lead to secure, successful future. I will secifically explain why I maintain to believe this way in the next following two paragrahs.

   To begin with, there were limited numbers of career or jobs that has a secure, successful future. In the past, there were less numbers of jobs that were offered to people, but today, as a result of high technology, there are so many jobs people can have. To give my grandfather's experience, he is a electronic manager of our town. He controls the amount of energy and produces enough electricity to all houses. He once told me about the past when his job was a secure and successful job. Today people do not notice the importance of electricity in our lives as the past. In 1960s, people's need in using electricity increased as many electronic devices such as television and refrigiator were used in each houses and since other energy resources were inconve nient to use in homes, the electricity played an important role. Even though he had less thing to do than other people, such as checking the system and covering up blackouts, he earned high salaries. However, the way people treat his job changed. People do not believe his work is an important job in the society.

   Next, there are too many people who search for a job. Since there were less education with professional information most people in the past would take over their parents work or do farming.There was a suvrey held by KSC, Korea's Statistical Center in South Korea, on people's will to have a job comparing with the past, in the 1960s. College and university students were askes about their will to have a work after their graduation. Interestingly, more than 75 percent of the appliers of the present answered they want to get a job as soon as they graduate, while less than 25 percent of the appliers of the past answered they had no plan to get a job. This survey clearly shows that there are more people who hope to get a job today than the past.

To summarize what I stated above, I definitely believe that it was much easier to distinguish secure and successful jobs in the past. Since there were less numbers of secure jobs and people, who are willing to get a job.

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이유에 과거에 비해 요즘에는 직업의 수가 많아져서 어느 직업이 더 secure, successful한지 판단하기 어렵다
쓰려 했는데 어떻게 이어야 할지 모르겠어요
그리고 첫번째 이유에 적게 되면 제의 경험담에는 무엇을 써야 할 지도 모르겠어요

그리고 위에 쓴 이유 말고 wt에 쓸수 있는 reason은 또 뭐가 있을까요?ㅜㅠ

[디오리지날뉴아자speaKing쌤]

직업의 수도 많아 졌고...두번째로 경쟁자의 수도 많아져서 과거엔 완전 안정적이면서 각광받던 직업군들이 요즘은 크게 작용하지 않는다...라고 시작한 뒤, 과거의 직업과 현재의 직업의 수를 비교하면서 과거보다 요즘이 더 세분화 되고 다각화 되고 있다고 주장해봐라...또한 과거보다 현재는 경쟁자들이 쟁쟁해 졌기때문에 왠만큼 노력해선 성공할 수 없다는 점은 과거보다 현재가 더 어려워졌다는 것을 설명할 수 있을 것이다...

[디오리지날뉴아자speaKing쌤]

또한, 바디1/2의 예시는 반드시 자신의 직접적인 예를 들어야 하기 보다는...제3자의 예시나 아님 대중화된 사람들의 얘기나 대중매체에서 언급해온 얘기나 책에서 읽은 내용을 덧붙이면 된다...또한 가족 구성원중에 예시의 주인공을 선택해도 좋겠다...홧팅...

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수정했어요
근데 문제는 양이 굉장히 적어요
브레인스토밍이 되었어도 정확히 세부적으로 어떻게 전개해야할지가 안그려졌어요ㅠㅜ

[디오리지날뉴아자speaKing쌤]

오늘 그것들에 대해서 심층 토론하자...홧팅...
글구 이렇게 자꾸 의문과 수정이 반복되야 한다...
그게 발전하는 모습이다...홧팅...

[디오리지날뉴아자speaKing쌤]

오늘 섭시간에 면밀히 살펴보자...홧팅...See you soon...///